Clear the decks for the fight of the century and no, I’m not talking about Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali, which was so last century.
We are here in Wasilla, AK, in a deep and dark November and where temperatures are 40 below. In the blue corner is the pride of Highland Park, IL, a 68-year old Methodist woman, named Hillary Clinton, a Yale law graduate and the first female to end up topping the ticket from a major party in a presidential race in the 220 years we have been holding such elections.
In the red corner, from Queens, NY, via Mar A Lago in Florida is Donald Trump, the surprise contender whose best weapon is a right hook from nowhere which he can throw at any time and against anyone, even folks on his Team Donald list.
The referee for tonight’s bout is Michael and Mary Media who will solely make up millions of minds for folks around America as to who is ahead, who landed a knockdown, and who will survive the “Thrilla in Wasilla” where former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin lives.
Democrats wanted a warm weather venue so they could call it the “Whammy in Miami,” the capital of a critical state that might decide the contest, but they were overruled by the Rules Committee after two years of hearings and $40 million spent.
Seconds out and the fight begins. Trump has the longer and more extreme reach, but he is stopping often to adjust his yellow hair and his pompadour.
(According to Wikipedia, the Trump hairstyle is named for Madame de Pompadour [1721–1764], mistress of King Louis XV. Although there are numerous variations of the style for both men, women, and children, the basic concept is hair swept upwards from the face and worn high over the forehead, and sometimes upswept around the sides and back as well.)
Meanwhile, we notice there is consternation in the Hillary corner as husband Bill takes over the job of second; he's shooed all the others away.
If Clinton is the butterfly, Trump is the bee, landing stinging shots while Hillary seeks to rise above it all all. Even the Trump-owned birds of the air are getting involved with constant twittering.
The potential replacements are in their respective corners if needed to step in. In the Trump corner is his pick, Lying Ted Cruz, a walking, talking shark who likes nothing better than to sink his teeth into something or someone.
A big surprise in the Clinton corner was the addition of Al Gore, so in tune with Mother Earth and women’s issues that he is positively lactating watching the fight. Gore is in charge of sending out reports on Hillary’s e-mail server about the match.
This one is set to go down to the wire as Trump claims his boxing gloves have been interfered with while Clinton is objecting to the Trump University professors who are keeping score at ringside. Luckily Michael Jackson’s doctor, released on early parole, is on hand to stitch up any cuts.
We will let you know the result (the Trump U lads have difficulty with adding) around November folks.
Over and out, and may the best man/woman win.
P.S. At the insistence of both sides, all the bathrooms are open air so the local police force in Wasilla can check the sex of everybody going in and watch if they use the toilet or the urinal.