American blogger imagines a peculiar fantasy alongside Michael D. Higgins
One Barstool Sports writer only recently became aware of Irish President Michael D. Higgins and, not surprisingly, became instantly enamored.
In his piece “The Irish President Looks And Sounds Exactly Like A Leprechaun,” the blogger known simply as ‘Chaps’ goes on to imagine a day with Michael D. Higgins.
“I dont know anything about this fella,” writes Chaps of the President of Ireland, “but I would absolutely love to start my day by tossing the wee lad into my front-breast pocket and having him discuss politics with everyone we encounter.”
In fairness, who wouldn’t mind having the chats with Michael D. Higgins?
“He’d be hanging out of my pocket,” Chaps imagines, “and going over the injustices of the two-payer system in healthcare while keeping the crowds regaled with his demeanor and prose.”
Demeanor and prose? Maybe Chaps has heard of Michael D. Higgins before!
“He’d be shouting about the rights of all citizens and how they are inalienable.”
“I’d smile and nod while he carries on for hours on end and be his protector when need be. Leprechauns, after all, dont know spells of protection. People are often confused by this fact. Dont ask them to do spells.”
Thanks for the leprechaun lesson, Chaps.
“After a long day, some bollix from the back would shout that my presidential friend was a leprechaun. Can you believe that? In 2018? No chance. Not on my watch. I’d say something to the grimy bastard and defend the President’s honour.”
We salute Chaps’ commitment against leprechaun bigotry in 2018.
“I’d begin to rub under his chin like he was the tiniest kitten in the world who is barely big enough to lap up milk from his saucer (bowl).”
Hmm, okay then, Chaps.
“There, there, Mr. President. You’re not a leprechaun and I’m offended that anyone would say something like that. Enjoy your milk.”
“Of course he was enjoying his milk with Lucky Charms. Dont be insane. He f****** loves cereal.”
Ah, Lucky Charms, because what’s a leprechaun fantasy without a scooping of ‘pots of gold and rainbows, and tasty red balloons’?
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