I want to become an Olympian so I'm thinking of taking up curling.
Yes, I know I'm, a bit old, mid fifties and all that, but after watching the curling on TV last night I think I can still hack it in four years time.
Basically you throw or glide something that looks like an iron or a kettle lid along the ice hoping to land close to a disc object a few hundred feet away.
It is horseshoes for Olympians, except there is more skill in horseshoes.
There's more. There are two sweepers, who clean the ice with brooms in front of the kettle lid as it flows down towards the ice. That's why my wife would be an excellent Olympian too.
She is always complaining about sweeping up after me -- now we can do it to win gold together.
There are lots of silly sports at which you can win Olympic medals, but curling takes the biscuit.
The silver lining is that I can still dream of being an Olympian three decades after I reached the height of my athletic prowess when my friend and I combined to win the three legged race at our school sports day for former pupils.
Now if they ever have three legged curling I'm even more interested