We can of course expect total decorum in the upcoming shoot out between Hillary and The Donald for the title of Most Important Person in the World – that is, President of the United States. It will be Marquis of Queensbury rules – Not! – during the first debate.
The Donald will spring out of the gate declaring during his presidency he will ensure people wish each other a Merry Christmas again as against Happy Holidays which will be a major policy initiative. If you are caught saying Happy Holidays you will be forced to watch every Trump and Clinton speech made during the primaries.
Trump will say how kind and professional he will be towards women.
In response Hillary Clinton will use some of Trump’s quotes about women, such as “She’s a fat pig,” or as Megyn Kelly stated, “You have called women you don’t like ‘fat pigs,’ ‘dogs,’ ‘slobs,’ and ‘disgusting animals.”
Or Trump’s presidential-like quote: “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”
Trump will also announce an immediate congressional inquiry about the widely respected National Enquirer revelations that Ted Cruz’s father took part in the Kennedy Assassination in 1963.
For her part Hillary will, no doubt, oppose that inquiry and be labeled a terrorist-coddler, covering up the truth about the assassination, by Fox News.
Trump will also announce massive employment for bus drivers and airline pilots as it will take a minimum of 17,296 chartered flights and 30,701 chartered bus trips to accomplish sending 11 million immigrants home.
Then there will be the $600 billion in costs to the federal deficit to hire all the federal workers, the buses, border agents, planes etc.
Hillary Clinton will protest this and Fox News will say she’s “unAmerican” for opposing getting rid of immigrants.
Trump will also commit to building a wall between Mexico and the US about 2,000 miles long. Cripes our very own Berlin Wall. Not since Reagan told Gorbachev to “tear down this wall” has a piece of masonry been so controversial.
It will add a mere $25 billion to the federal deficit. Then after seven years it will cost that much every year just maintain it, according to experts.
Hillary Clinton will protest, but Fox will drown her out with protesters chanting “Build That Wall.”
Trump will also reveal how Mexico will pay for the wall. He will license the rights to cartoon character Speedy Gonzalez which he secretly bought for $ 25 billion.
Hillary Clinton will object on the basis that Speedy Gonzalez is a Latino stereotype. Fox News will bellow that Clinton is coddling illegals.
Finally Trump will announce he has found a way to pay off Puerto Rico's massive debt. He will practice eminent domain and take over “Hamilton” Lin-Manuel Miranda’s smash hit (He’s from Puerto Rico, so close enough.)