Donald Trump is like the Humpty Dumpty character in Alice Through the Looking Glass who told Alice, “When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.”
Sounds just like Trump, whose flights of fantasy are ever more eloquent and far fetched to the point where words do mean only what he wants them to mean. He was for it before he was against it on so many issues.
Predicted 9/11? Of course, unless you can’t find a single reference to such a catastrophic event written or uttered by Trump before it happened.
He’s a tough military guy? Sure, if you excuse that bone spur (he can't remember which foot) that stopped him going to Vietnam.
Against the Iraq war first? Uh huh, even though he is on the record on Howard Stern’s radio show as supporting it.
Now his latest explosive revelation. Did you know that Donald Trump is the first female candidate for president who has a chance of winning?
Trump made his announcement shortly after President Mohamed Mombasa Obama resigned after being exposed as a native of Kenya, not Hawaii, by Trump.
“Pictures of Obama with Osama Bin Laden at nursery school together and holding hands outside a mosque in Kenya are coming shortly,” said Trump.
The media immediately reported the news as fact.
“I knew there was something going on,” said Trump, referring to the birther issue. “Hawaii my eye. I can spot a Kenyan commie a mile away.”
Referring to his historic status in the upcoming election, Trump said, “I am seeking the women's vote and have lately discovered I have both male and female genitals.”
He refused to show and tell when asked to display his joint genitalia despite an offer of $10 million from fellow billionaire Mark Cuban to do so.
However, the media immediately accepted his new status and now refer to him as “Transgender Trump.”
Fox News says women will now flock to polling booths to vote for a candidate with female anatomy. Bill O’Reilly called the move “pure genius.”
Michelle Obama, meanwhile, has also revealed she is actually from Uzbekistan, made famous by previous Republican White House candidate Herman Cain who once pronounced it as Uzbeki beki beki stan.
“I suspected always she was Russian,” said Trump.
And here’s more news! The father of Senator Ted Cruz, who was Trump’s closest rival in the Republican primary, has been arrested for aiding and abetting Lee Harvey Oswald in killing President John F. Kennedy. Trump says he may also have time traveled and been a suspect in the Lincoln killing. “Cruz Father Suspect in Lincoln Killing” screamed the New York Post headline.
Trump first read the allegation in the National Enquirer, a highly respected supermarket weekly, and immediately notified law enforcement.
In other news, Trump was delighted to announce that Mexico has agreed to pay for a 35 foot wall that will cost $35 billion. Mexico will tax every taco truck throughout South America to pay the bill and will change the name of Tijuana to the Trump Tijuana.
And guess what!!! Trump also announced that Russian President Vladimir Putin has agreed to be his new head of the FBI.
“He has been hacking these guys successfully for years,” said Trump “so why not give him the job.” Trump’s move was hailed as “pure genius” by Sean Hannity at Fox News.
Stand by for Trump’s next revelation: He’s really J.C.