What a weekend of sporting action. So many great games and dramatic results. As is often the case though, the highlights, for many, were low lights for some. For the latter, it all quite literally ended in tears.

Millions of Manchester United fans in the Far East and thousands in Manchester were celebrating gritty Sunderland’s 0-0 draw with Arsenal on Saturday, and then crying into their chicken fried rice on Sunday as Liverpool absolutely punched United in the face to the tune of 3-1. Meanwhile, the Miami Heat continued to be the most enjoyable, universally hated basketball team ever. They make the Pistons of yesteryear look cherished and loved.

Yesterday the feisty Bulls outlasted Miami 87-86, sending the Heat into the locker room, well, there’s no other way to put this than, crying. After the game, completely over-matched Heat coach Erik Spoelstra made the colossal mistake of telling the media that; ‘’there are a couple of guys crying in the locker room right now.’’ The baby faced Spoelstra may as well start engraving that sentence on his Heat tombstone, a laughably pathetic epitaph to a coaching job doomed from the start.

The Miami Heat weren’t the only weekend-that-was cry babies.

On Sunday, Manchester United were wiped off the field by a rejuvenated Liverpool. Nani, United’s ‘Ronaldo lite’ was the victim of an admittedly bad tackle by Liverpool’s Jamie Carragher. The normal, humane reaction would of course be to feel sorry for the injured player, however how is that possible in Nani’s case? He is literally impossible to like, and he only has himself to blame. As he sat on the ground post-tackle, barking angrily like an aggrieved chi-Wawa, a Liverpool player placed his hand on his shoulder. Nani recoiled backwards, jackknifing as if he had just been hit at point blank range by a particularly ferocious Devin McCourty tackle. As his back hit the turf, what area of his body did he grab? Well, his face, naturally. We all know the natural reaction to a grievous shoulder injury inflicted by a soft touch to said area exposes itself via severe facial pain, right?!

Think I am exaggerating his pathetic flop? Make your own mind up right here.

Nani is a Grade A, Class Triple-A, A plus level plonker, a complete and utter moron who spends most of his match-time experience writhing around on the ground in feigned agony, clutching his ankle and waving an imaginary card at the referee, trying to get honest fellow professionals booked. He is the poster child for what FIFA lazily labels ‘simulation’. FIFA talks about Faking, diving or ‘simulation’, as they like to call it, like the US military talks about UFOs. They kind of admit they exist, but, not really. Because of FIFA’s complete ignorance to the disease that is faking, players like Nani are enabled.

Perhaps worse than all his ludicrous diving, flopping and feigning, he is also only half a player. Nani wouldn’t know a tackle if it came up to him, introduced itself cordially and invited him out for high tea and crumpets. His completely horrendous defensive header on Sunday led directly to a Liverpool goal. In terms of football, Nani exists only in half the field, he only plays half the game.

Life as we all know has a delicious sense of irony, and this is just a case in point to that. The one time Nani might actually have been badly injured by a tackle, the one time he is possibly worthy of our sympathy, he goes and ruins it with yet another pathetic, cheating and lying flop. Nani, you are what you are, and you have cried Wolf once too often.

Get well soon.



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