Yes, just six of them. See, perhaps a few of you have already seen the snapshots doing the rounds of the incredibly outrageous $156,679.74 bar tab and thought to yourself, ‘We’ll, how many guys are there on a hockey squad, 20? 30? That aint so bad!’ That’s the proverbial kicker. This tab was run up by a mere six of those legendary Bruins of Boston.
You can almost guess which six. Go on, try it. If you guessed Tim Thomas, Zdeno Chara, Patrice Bergeron, Milan Lucic, Brad Marchand and Shawn Thornton, come on down, you are a winner. Seriously though, how predictable was that murderer’s row of Chug Monkeys? The only shame of the entire affair is that the legendary bar tab isn’t itemized by player.
It should be noted that $100,000 of the tab was cordoned off for a bottle of Ace of Spades Midas Champagne. What, you don’t normally order a $100,000 bottle of bubbly on your Saturday night out? Subtract that insane single bottle cost and you are left with a piffling tab of $56,679.74. May as well call them the Utah Bruins.
Two items stand out most on the tab to end all tabs. First of all, Americans and Canadians (and Slovakians actually) need a stern talking to in terms of beers. With all that spending power the six Bruins spent $680 on Bud Light? Really? All those tasty, rewarding beers in the world, you know, the ones without a content 70% chemical, and they chose Bud Light?
Secondly, that infamous bottle of champagne. Made by luxury brand Armand de Brignac and produced by Champagne house Cattier, it is the largest bottle of luxury Champagne in the world. The gold metallic bottles are crafted entirely by hand, inspired by fashion designer Andre Courreges. There were just six of the 30-litre bottles in existence. The bottle ordered by the Bruins was hand-delivered by the owners of the club. Word on the street is Shawn Thornton drank directly from the bottle.
No doubt at this stage there are many left wing, environmentally friendly trolls (like myself) who’s reaction reading this is something along the lines of ‘Oh so much waste! Won’t somebody think about the children?!’ Well still your sense of outrage, the Bruins have you covered. The Midas bottle was signed by all six of the Bubbly Bruins, and is on display at the club and set to be raffled off to benefit the Bruins foundation. That is one seriously cool piece of Bruins memorabilia and someone will no doubt pay big bucks for it, benefiting the charity greatly.
If you still find yourself outraged by the Bruins bad-ass bar tab, then perhaps you should be focusing on the main issue, those crazy, rioting Canadians. The Vancouverians who made Ghengis Khan look like Michael Bublé. Speaking of the latter, the incredibly scary, hard core Canadian crooner, actually born in Vancouver (assumedly in the middle of a raging riot) has come out all Chuck Norris in the wake of the troubles. He has promised those guilty of rioting something special, something very special. He promised them "…a very, very special round of applause".
If you are a Canadian who participated in those riots, take note, and be afraid, be very afraid. Then head down to Foxwoods and grab the fifth last bottle of Ace of Spades Midas Champagne.
That is unless Michael Bublé has already bagged it.
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