The most talented and imaginative screen writer couldn't make this stuff up. Baltimore Raven Ray Lewis warning the rest of the World that an NFL lockout would result in an increase in crime figures. Beautiful. The bare faced audacity of the man is admirable. Much more admirable, for example, than his waning skills on the football field, although Ray Lewis does remain the fastest second man in on the tackle in the NFL.

What’s next? A-Rod preaching to us about the dangers of steroids? Kobe Bryant telling us we should all respect women just a little bit more? (You can practically see the televised advertising campaign, no? A smug looking Kobe sneering out of the corner of his mouth ‘’Hey kids, we should all respect women a bit more, if they say no, they mean no, and that’s a smooth groove Kobe can dig!’’ No doubt Spike Lee is already lined up to direct, the only caveat being he will have to remove his nose from Kobe’s backside in time to start the cameras rolling)

Back when he was bitter, angry and funny, Dennis Leary had a great sketch where he laughed at Rolling Stone Keith Richards fronting a drugs awareness campaign. And I quote, ‘Keith, we can’t do any drugs, you took them all!’. Well Ray Lewis lecturing us on crime rates is right along the same lines as Keith Richards telling people to put the hash pipe down.

Through s$me mag$c trick$ry Ray Lewis has managed to distance himself from that whole, you know, ‘murder’ thing he was embroiled in a few years ago, however you would imagine he might keep a low profile, at least when discussing crime figures, in its aftermath. Apparently not. Lewis seems to almost be taunting those of us who aren’t blindly emptying our wallets, bank accounts and piggy banks into the coffers of whatever church is promising the next concurrent Rapture into looking up for a second and yelping ‘Wait a second, isn’t Ray Lewis the guy who paid off a stack of people to tip toe out of a murder rap?’

Ray, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time, even if you are Ray Lewis, the fastest second man into an NFL tackle on planet earth. Pre and Post Rapture.



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