For years I dreamed of finding an Irish rogue to ask for my hand in marriage and take me back to the homeland. We would settle down, somewhere in the west perhaps, build a mansion and our red-haired and freckled children would roam free in the Irish countryside. My life in the U.S. would become a distant memory as I lived out my plan of embracing my Irish heritage.
Travelling home to Ireland most summers as a child and in my teenage years, I was no stranger to Irish men. Their modest ways, their shy nature, and sensibility (or so I thought!). My cousins even tried in vain to set me up with that special someone, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. It seems Irish men are not interested in first-generation, tall, blue-eyed, blondes from Yonkers. So after years of trying and many failed dates and lost phone numbers, I can finally put my love for Irish men to bed. Here are just a few reasons why I have fallen out of love with Irish men.
1.They are mostly mammy’s boys
Yes, I agree there are few things as great as an Irish mammy, but newsflash, you cannot marry your mother! While it’s important to always look out for the woman who gave you life, you shouldn’t openly admit how your existence would be impossible without her by your side.
2. They are cheap
For whoever said that romance is dead and gone, I would be willing to bet it was an Irish man that murdered it. If you ask a lady on a date, you shouldn’t expect her to foot the bill, or even half of the bill. The gesture speaks volumes. Pluck out your Bank of Ireland Mastercard and put it on the table, before she notices.
3. They cannot dress
Despite having been in adulthood for well beyond a decade, several Irish men I know still rely on their mammy for clothes. It’s 2011, either get a stylist or even simpler pick up a copy of GQ to sample the latest trends.
4. They cannot cook
An Irishman once asked me around to his place for dinner, he cooked frozen chicken fillets on a George Foreman Grill and gave me soggy French fries from the oven. Oh and how could I forget his garnish of Heinz Ketchup! It doesn’t have to be haute cuisine, but at least try. Perhaps phone your mammy for some ideas.
5. They’re bad at communicating
God gave you a mouth, so use it. Open and mouth and COMMUNICATE. Ah yes, the Irish man who won’t say boo to you until he’s on his fourth pint of Guinness and then by the seventh you cannot shut him up. While it is important to be relaxed and laid back at times, Irish men could do with being a bit more affirmative.
Yes we all agree, alcohol can go a long way to help ease those first date jitters, but needing to prop yourself up on the bar before midnight is not a good POA. Know your limits and how to handle your alcohol. Every occasion does not need to revolve around alcohol, it’s America. Take a lady out for coffee or ice cream. Getting a woman so drunk she doesn’t know where she is should not be your game plan.
7. Nothing is important as GAA, soccer or rubgy
We Americans, we all know the importance of sport. But cancelling a date so you and the lads can kick a soccer ball around the garden is not cool. If you are trying to woo an all American girl then choosing the latest Premiership updates over a night with her is a no-go.
8. Lack of hygiene/scruff bags
Once you go the beyond the age of four, it is not enough to simply wash a few times a week. Hygiene is everything. No woman is interested in a man who thinks a baby wipe and some Axe is a substitute for a shower.
Easy on the language. While everyone is guilty of dropping an F-bomb, there is no excuse for including the F-word in most of your sentences.
10. Not all Americans are characters from U.S. sitcoms
Just because we are from and live in the U.S. does not mean we are all characters from Sex and the City. Just because I live in New York, doesn’t mean I often drink coffee with my friends in Central Perk, and I didn’t go to school in Bayside with the kids from Saved by the Bell. There are 50, FIFTY states in the U.S. and not everyone hails from either New York or California.
Coleen Harte is an Irish American professional currently living in New York City.