What people will do for a Pabst Blue Ribbon!
There is no legal way to steal beer. A theft is a theft and thievery is against the law. However, should one get caught in the act of such an indiscretion it might be a good idea to control those impulses likely to inflame the situation.

Such was the case recently in the Somerville area of Massachusetts, where Jonathan Scull of Medford was arrested for stealing two beers. Well, that’s how things reportedly started. Scull, through his allegedly uncontrolled impulses unfortunately ended up with additional charges.

On February 26, at about 7 p.m. police were called to Woody’s Liquors to report an assault. A women employed by the store told the cops that a man came in and stuffed two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beers into his pants. The employee followed the man out to the street and asked him about the bulges in his pants and around his ankle. The 26-year-old man, later identified as Scull, said that the bulge was really his genitals (other descriptive words may have been used). The skeptical store clerk responded by telling the man that she did not believe the ankle protuberance had anything to do with his genitalia. It is not known if Scull took the woman’s response as an insult or he was just upset about getting snagged, but in response he allegedly threw the beer at the woman’s head and fled on foot.

Somerville Police eventually caught up with Scull in Medford. According to reports, when approached by police, Scull told the officers to “f--- off”, saying they weren’t in Somerville and that his actions were none of their business. Police say Scull refused to be handcuffed and screamed obscenities at them. After Scull was forcibly cuffed, police say he continued to threaten them saying he was going to “kick the sh-- out of them” when the cuffs came off and telling them that they would be dead men if they weren’t cops.

As a result of the entire incident, Scull was charged with shoplifting by concealment for allegedly stealing the beer. Additional charges included threatening to commit a crime, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, and resisting arrest. Scull now faces fines, imprisonment and legal fees.

The moral of the story….

Well, firstly pay for your beer. Secondly if you do steal beer and get caught, surrender the beer peacefully, be contrite and try not to have a tantrum. The alternative can get pretty messy.