I woke up yesterday morning to discover an impostor.
I gazed in the mirror on my 59th birthday and realized I had been hijacked.
The grey haired, balding guy in the mirror with too many wrinkles and a paunch had clearly been foisted on me overnight.
The sleek, handsome as hell, gazelle like guy I went to sleep as had disappeared.
This has happened before but seems to get worse every birthday.
It is high time I reported it to the time police.
“Shurely Shum Mistake," I’ll tell them in my best Irish drunk imitation.
They, no doubt, will assure me they will investigate this impostor and have him arrested at their earliest convenience.
I’ll tell them I’ve noticed him skulking around since I was about 40 and the first grey hairs appeared.
“Yes sir, you can be sure, we know who he is we’ve seen him in action before.”
“Thank you officer," I’ll say.
I hope they put him away for a long time.
The thief of time is well known around these parts.
But I never thought he’d attempt to infiltrate my home.
There must have been an open door or window in my soul that he climbed in.
He’s clever, I never see him until I look in the mirror.
Clearly, he disappears at night and my true self returns.
Not next year though I’ll be ready for him.
Maybe in a butterfly net I’ll catch him.
Now there’s a thought.
Lock him up for everyone to see officer.