Ulster Unionist leaders have been in touch with the Trump administration in Washington seeking guidance on building an 80-foot high wall around Northern Ireland once Brexit passes.

“We believe Donald Trump’s building expertise and his promise to build a wall on the Mexican border can be of great assistance to us,” stated Unionist councilor Billy Wright, a former professional football player.

“We want nothing to do with the Irish Republic and Brexit gives us the perfect opportunity. The border is only 310 miles and we could seal it for all time with a Trump-like wall.”  

He pointed out that the Mexican border wall was 3,000 miles wide, the distance approximately from Dublin to Siberia.

He said Catholics would be offered an exit out before the wall was completed, “They can go and live in the Republic and leave us alone,” said Wright. “We have the voting majority now but that might change, so now is the time for action.”

An outraged Sinn Fein response was soon forthcoming. Councilor Seamus O’Bruscar took grave exception.

“This wall will never be built, we cannot let it happen, it flies in the face of all international law and freedom and human rights.”

However, Lord Sylvester (Sly) Fox, a key member of the Tory Party, said the idea was “interesting.” “We have always talked about repartition in Ireland and the Trump-type wall could be the perfect model. It is high time this matter was resolved and repartition with a wall would be perfect.”

Wright said a land bridge with Scotland which is only 12 miles distance at one point should also be considered making Northern Ireland physically part of Britain.

“We could also build an indoor airport,” he said. “We expect talks to begin April 1, 2018.”

Update: April Fools!