Robert Pattinson's character is up for criticism in the New York Times' review of Twilight sequel, "New Moon," but he's not the only one. The Times slams everyone in the film, director Chris Weitz included.

Only one young female vampire, played by Dakota Fanning, who has “the cruel eyes and sleekly upswept hair suggestive of an underage dominatrix,” escapes the Times reviewer's harsh pen.

In “New Moon,” Bella (Kristen Stewart) just turns 18. In order to protect her from his own vampire appetites, Edward Cullen (Pattinson’s character) leaves town with his family – he’s onscreen less than in “Twilight."

Like the first film, “New Moon” relies on sexual chastity to provoke viewers’ interest.

All movies need a potential love interest, though, and this is where a mysterious tribal guy played by Taylor Lautner comes in. He turns up as a friend to Bella, and he seems to intrigue her.

Because Bella’s still in love with Edward, the chemistry’s not going to go anywhere, and that’s a bit of a problem. As the Times puts it, “chastity is only hot when it seems like it actually might be violated.”

Bella's heart was broken when our friend Edward departed, and she has long moody scenes in "New Moon" that the Times says are boring. And Lautner, who plays Kristen’s new Native American companion, isn’t much more than a hunky two-dimensional himbo.

The film has a new director this time round, Chris Weitz instead of Catherine Hardwicke, and that’s apparently an issue too. When it comes to the other female characters, like Dakota Fanning, he simply doesn’t know what to do with her.

All in all, it’s a harsh attack on “New Moon.” But the film’s mix of hot teens and chastity is sure to do well at the box office.

And while the “massive biceps” and “blindingly white smile” of Kristen’s friend Lautner may not be have a deep meaning of any kind, who knows? They may have an appeal of their own.