Irish American and native New Yorker Robert Sheeley read our recent article, “Irish girls, American guys – Why it never seems to work”, and felt the need to respond to our columnist Rachel Shearer’s views.
First of all, it is one of the most well written articles thus far in my short time reading IrishCentral, however, I disagree with the sentiment.
I can figure out a good deal about your columnist from her recent piece. While I'll admit that she is right about much in the article, there is a real disconnect with the "real" guys who do exist in NYC.
Some logical points: One, she clearly still has some residual feelings for the fellow she left back home and, well, that wears on the heart and is hard to move on from, unbiased in the world of dating, regardless of whether she’s in New York City or living in Alaska.
Two, if she thinks that Tinder is any means of dating then she doesn't realize that is for people looking for a quick fix, and by that I do mean a quick ride and goodbye. Don't go on at me about the one or two people who actually found meaning in it. Generally speaking there is no real gentleman on that looking for love. I truly hope no girl on there actually believes that it is a good means to judge character, cause I doubt you'd find it there.
Three, I find her take on American guys is so far askew from reality. We need to stop judging all of America based on what goes on here in NYC. Tinder is a cesspool of desperate guys looking to take advantage of similarly desperate girls, all looking for prince charming. Truth. Guys – you know who you are. Girls, if you don't, you'll soon find out if you use the Tinder app. You're not gonna find a cool pint of ice cream if you're looking in the oven.
Four, I wonder if the poor saps she is meant to go out with and date this summer know that they are merely an experiment. They will never have a chance, and neither will she, at love if she is discretely taking notes on their faults, and her clear disposition is for Irish guys and distaste for American guys.
She may not be used to the overconfidence that guys here tend to give off, but as I have noted, Irish guys are not in the game of competing for the girl in the bar and are only interested in the "craic." That is the biggest difference. I really liked that aspect about Ireland – you didn't have any of that competitive nature and everyone was just in the game of having a good time.
Not the case here. Loads of peacocks strutting their feathers around trying to find a girl to take home. In the US men at a bar are scoping out every girl in the bar, but even more so, grilling each guy to see how they match up in what will most likely be a survival of the fittest scenario, if they are gonna get the most desirable girl in the bar.
If you are going to attempt to date a guy from NYC, here is what I suggest:
1. Resolve your feelings for the lad back home.
2. Do not attempt your research on dating by using the Tinder app. You have already failed.
3. Embrace a guy who is excited about your heritage, forgive him for his ignorance on it, educate him and let him educate you on America, and let it play out from there.
4. Understand that guys here are more aggressive by nature than the lads back in Ireland, which I concede is a shame on our behalf.
I should also include that I have been dating an Irish girl from Dublin for many years now, and although we have our misunderstandings, we have worked through our cultural differences that you have vividly pointed out in your article. They do not weigh as much as you think when you are able to communicate. What ultimately remains is an ability to respect each other and embrace the difference in cultures and learn from one another.
I hope that you find a decent gent who will be more interested in opening the door for you than in telling you how expensive his watch is. I hope you spend more time having the craic than he does looking in the mirror. I hope you find a guy with a gentle confidence rather than a false sense of security.
I wish you the best of luck in your quest for love in NYC. Truly I do.