How do I get over first date jitters?
Dear MTN,

I need a few tips on relaxing before a first date. I get so nervous before a first date that I always make sure I get to the restaurant early to have a few drinks first. After the date is over I feel it went well but the guy never calls. This has been going on for years. I really want to meet someone and get married, so I am at a desperation point that it has to work soon, or I will never get married and be able to have kids. I am 38 already.

Do you think the guys are not calling me for a second date because of my drinking? I am not getting drunk, but almost every guy has mentioned that it was strange that I am always there at the bar and already have a drink in front of me when they come in... Or, am I doing something else wrong? If it is the drinking, how do you suggest I relax?

Best regards,

Dear Jamie,

Well I can tell you with utmost certainty that when a man walks into a date and sees the woman already drinking at the bar, it is not a pretty picture. I suggest you wait in the doorway until he arrives and then most likely you should sit together in a private sitting area rather than at the bar.

As for how to relax before a date, here are a few tips:

-before the date, prepare what your going to wear, and make sure you look and feel great wearing it. You should always have one great date outfit.

-take an extra 15 minutes on your hair and makeup. Looking great will also give you a natural sense of confidence.

-think of a couple of easy, fun questions to ask your date and practice in the mirror asking the questions.

-instead of relying on alcohol, practice taking deep breaths once you get there. If you feel anxious or nervous, make a quick trip into the ladies room and practice your breathing until your start feeling relaxed.

-when you do have drinks on your date, always limit it to two. Drinking too much especially on a first date will almost never get you a second one.

-enjoy yourself and realize how much better it is to go out and meet someone new, rather than staying home alone, which will never get you married.

Lastly, I suggest you also stop putting pressure on yourself about your need to get married and have children. This is a very important decision in your life and something that cannot be rushed. It is also a red flag for any man who can sense this feeling of urgency on a woman, and is a huge turn off. My philosophy is always this: when you are looking and ready for a committed relationship and/or marriage, give yourself only six months of trying this on your own. If it takes more than six months, then it's time to hire a professional. Best of luck on your dating future.


Maureen Tara Nelson is proud to be called The Irish American Matchmaker.