Have you seen the video of Justin Bieber ‘schooling’ one of his pals on Lil Wayne’s home-made basketball court? Well, we have, and we think you should too. Go on, you look like you need a laugh.
Goodness gracious, where to start? There is just so much to discuss here.
Mack Maine, Bieber’s rapping buddy in the video, is seen playing the single worst defensive ball since JJ Reddick picked up a basketball for the first time. You have to wonder what was going through Maine's mind as he half-heartedly waved at the ball a few times, never seriously enough to disturb Bieber’s dribbling. He must have been questioning his own worth. And oh, what dribbling! Blinding is not a word you would use to describe the speed with which Bieber works his crossover dribble. More, glacial.
Who exactly would be confused by this donkey-slow dribbling display? A blind 82 year old with arthritis? Maybe.
Shall we discuss Bieber’s choice of attire? We could, but this is a sports column so let’s stick to the game, and we’re pretty sure Bieber traveled at the 0:05 second mark, palming the ball pretty clearly.
All of this, of course, pales as noteworthy when put up against the Bieber glare after the layup is successfully made. What would he do if he were able to dunk? Stop the game, pick up an AK47 and fire off 60 rounds into the sky like he was celebrating a Middle Eastern wedding?
The whole thing is wildly unintentionally funny.
Perhaps the only thing that could have made this laughable, pitiful piece of attempted self-promotion any funnier would be if Seattle’s Richard Sherman had swooped in at the last second and rejected Bieber’s layup violently.
As for Bieber himself, well, essentially thanks to the wonders of the Internet, we are getting to watch the gradual self-destruction of a mildly talented young man who just wants to do what many misled young men would do if they had a billion dollars to spend: break stuff up and do stupid things.
Oh, and play basketball. Really poorly.