Having an affair at work
Dear MTN,

I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I don't know what to do. I got married to my husband right after college. We dated my entire four years of school and I was madly in love with him. He was the captain of the football team, was very handsome and made me laugh. After we got married we started having children right away. We've been married for 20 years now and have four fabulous children.

I wish I could say I feel the same way about him as I did in college, but I don't. He is not the same man as he was then. He can't keep a job because he now has a terrible temper, he lost most of his hair and is balding, and he gained a lot of weight. He doesn't even try to make himself look good to me anymore. He just doesn't seem to care.

I started a new job last year and I really enjoy it. Now that my kids are older I feel like this is my time. I started working out a few months ago and I'm back into the same size I was in college. People tell me I look ten years younger than I am. On the other hand, my husband looks ten years older than his actual age, probably from all his drinking and smoking.

My boss is unhappily married as well. About a month ago we started talking about each other's stories and we are both going through the same situation. Last week we both left work early and went to a motel. I had the best sex I've ever had in my life. He said the same.

I asked him today if he thinks we should both get divorced. I was shocked when he said that he could never divorce his wife because his kids would never forgive him. I asked him what he feels about us and our future. He said that now that we know how great the sex was with each other that we should meet a few nights after work a week and enjoy life together. I ran to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. When I left work today he knew I was upset and just let me go without talking about what happened. I am in shock. There are no words to describe how stupid and foolish I feel.

I've been crying in my bedroom all night and my husband doesn't even seem to notice or care. He is downstairs drinking and watching television. What have I done? Why was I so dumb to think he would leave his wife for me? I feel so alone and I can't tell anyone. I am writing you because I always agree with the advice you give people. I am afraid of what you might say to me, but I need to tell someone.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 


- Dummy

Dear Dummy,

You are not a dummy, you just wanted more than what you had and made a mistake. You already know it's a huge mistake, I don't have to tell you that. However, now is the time to decide if you love your husband still. If you are not sure then tell your husband how unhappy you are and both of you go to counseling. Actually run to counseling.

Life is too short to live with unhappiness. Counseling can do wonders for a couple that once were in love as you both were and now are faced with loneliness and sadness in their marriage.

Forget your boss. There is no future with him. He was extremely inappropriate to take advantage of you while you were feeling so lonely. I suggest you even get a new job.

I have faith that if you and your husband find a great therapist, and you might need to try a few until you both are sure you found the right one, that you can start mending the problems that have occurred probably once your children were grown and they didn't need you anymore. The "empty nest syndrome" is very common to marriages. With the right therapist, and if you need a recommendation please let me know, I will recommend a great one for you, and if you both want to get back to the loving couple that you once were, there is a great chance that you can find that love again. I wish you both the best of luck in falling in love again. It can happen! You both just have to want it to happen. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Maureen Tara Nelson is proud to be called The Irish American Matchmaker. "We specialize in attractive, quality singles who are ready for a committed relationship." "We do ALL the work!" "Being Irish is also a plus."