|Dealing with a tough decision
I really need your advice. I enjoy your column every week and really trust what you say. I never thought I would have to write to you, but the time has come.
I thought I was in a great relationship with a man for the past five years. He lives with me and my three children. No one is perfect, but I always felt he was perfect in every way, except for occasionally he would say something inappropriate about someone who was different than him. For example, he once made a gay joke and it upset me very much. I have a brother who is gay and he knows that. When I told him how I felt, he immediately apologized and said he was just joking.
Last week one of my sons told me he is gay. He is seventeen years old. I am very proud of him for being strong enough to tell me. Of course I told him I am fine with the news and it doesn't change one thing about our relationship or how much I love him.
When my boyfriend came home that night from work I told him the news. He responded "I'm glad he's not my kid." I was shocked, disgusted, furious etc. and told him it's over between us. He told me I was totally overreacting. He says that it is fine with him that my son is gay, he was just saying that he couldn't handle it himself if it were his son. I don't think it makes a difference.
He can't believe I would break up with him over this. Please Maureen Tara, what do you think? - loving mom.
Dear Loving Mom,
I think you handled the situation perfectly and I am very proud of you. I think your boyfriend is a "jerk." He told you how he felt. No matter what he says now, you know his true feelings. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man that couldn't handle it if his son was gay?
Unfortunately there are people that do not realize that people are born gay, and it is not a choice. Your son is lucky to have you.
You and your children deserve more than to be with a man who feels this way. This is a huge "red flag" and I suggest you "run" away from this relationship. In other words, "dump him."
Best of luck to you and your son! - MTN