He said: "I love the 1962 drama To Kill A Mockingbird and I put it on in my screening room for them but all the children began complaining it was in black and white and would be boring.
"So I said to them: 'Shut the f**k up! That's why I shouldn't be a parent."
The Oscar-nominated 'Descendants' star admits that his lack of paternal ways even extends to his movies.
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Speaking at a pre-Oscars lunch, the Daily Star reports him as saying: "I've played a parent quite a few times and I worked with a lot of kids on ER.
"A lot of the child actors had over-moussed hair and one little s**t wouldn't even rehearse with me."
But he jokes that he would be willing to adopt "successful" kids like his on-screen daughter, 20-year-old actress Shailene Woodley.
He told The Insider: "I want to adopt Shailene because she's 20 and smart, and I figure she has a big career ahead and can support me. So, I'm looking to adopt very successful people."