1. The weather
Nobody misses the weather! Damp, drizzly, and depressing, the Irish weather would break your heart. As for trying to get clothes dry ... sure as soon as you put them out on the line you're guaranteed it'll be pouring within the hour.
2. Talking about the weather
We constantly feel the need to tell the person next to us what the weather's like. Plus we do nothing but give out and then when it is sunny, we still complain, saying 'Well as long as it's not the only summer we get.'
3. Dodging mass
For many people Sunday mornings are when we're at our most tactful. Strange illnesses befall us, we gain a sudden capacity to 'sleep' until the afternoon, or 'urgent' errands need to be run.
From the standard to the innovative, many the excuse has been used to not have to go to mass. But when we're abroad there's the peacefulness of not having Mammy kicking our hungover head out of the bed.
It's always packed, it's expensive, you lose everyone, and it leaves you broke and tired for about a week until; ironically, you end up in Coppers again. It's a vicious cycle.
'Ah sure the country's bollixed'... We just can't allow ourselves be happy. If it's not one thing it's another. Why does everyone respond to 'How are you?' with 'I'm not too bad'? No one ever feels great, or even good for that matter.
6. Living on a island
It costs a bomb to ship anything into or out of Ireland, you can't drive out of the country, the rest of Europe forgets about us, and we're constantly being eroded until eventually one day there'll be no Ireland left!
7. The smell of slurry
Once you smell it, you never forget it.
8. Having the budget right before Christmas
What other country in their right mind would have the budget just before the most expensive time of the year? The last thing I need when I'm trying to find my mother a different set of scented candles than I bought her last year, is to be told that another chunk is being taken out of my already tax-drained wages!
9. Soft days
Those days when it's just plain miserable. The sideways mizzle that you can't escape, no matter how big your umbrella is.
10. Slow internet
We still haven't got the best wifi back home. It's 2014 for the love of God!
11. People who can't drive on roundabouts
Cows going out on a gap are more organised than cars at roundabouts in Ireland. The inside lane is the home only to the most adventurous of drivers, and indicators are a luxury many decide to do without. The French circumnavigate the Arc de Triumph on a daily basis, but rush hour at the Red Cow roundabout is utter bedlam.
12. Bank Debt