Apparently the native peoples of the Arctic regions have many words for snow. In a similar fashion, the native peoples of Ireland have many words for moaning. Now to foreign ears our rants may seem like begrudgery and grievance, but to us it’s just conversation.
13. The sound of rain
Even if you’ll never admit it, the nostalgia-soaked soundtrack to your life will take you right back to that little isle whenever you hear it playing again.
14. Degrees of separation
While living abroad you attempted to debunk the myth that you automatically know Paidi O’ Reilly because you’re both from Ireland. Back at home you can actually admit that you most likely do.
15. Chilled-out cows
In comparison to other bovine nationalities, Irish cows are incredibly relaxed. Even Indian cows, whose worries are non-existent, pale in comparison to the truly content disposition of an Irish cow. Moo, man … Moo.
16. Pretending to surf
Only about two people in Ireland can actually surf, anyone else who says they can is lying. This doesn’t stop us heading to the coast to fall off a foam board for half an hour so we can sit in a pub for the rest of the weekend in overpriced board shorts.
17. Quoting Father Ted to people who appreciate it
"You were wearing your blue jumper!" Bwha ha ha ha ha. "Oh, sorry. It’s this Irish TV show about three priests living on an island. And they have this housekeeper who keeps making them tea, even if they don’t want it. No it’s actually really funny." Peeps from other countries don’t get it and they never will, so give up already.
18. Not having to censor yourself
In Ireland a statement like, “Christ, I’m dying but last night’s craic was unreal”, won’t land you in the HR office’s jax weeing into a cup.
19. The dog
As one of the friendliest and least judgemental of the world’s canines, Irish dogs will always welcome you with open paws. Never will you miss the ole mutt more than when you’ve almost had your hand taken off by a fluffy little rat dog.
20. The taxi rank queue (AKA the last chance salon)
This is where all manner of Irish life exists. It is at once an al fresco dining spot, a speed-dating club, a therapist’s couch and a first-aid station.
In Ireland the thing we call football actually involves a foot and a ball. Unlike Australia, New Zealand, America and Canada where it should really be called ‘hand egg’. And while we’re on the subject, according to the football gods we also officially have the best supporters in the world.
22. Drinking with your boss
Everywhere else in the world a team building exercise involves stacking purple blocks or having employees knock the bejaysus out of each other. Back home we approach team building in the same way as we approach everything– via the two wooden doors of your Friday night boozer. Simples.
23. The novelty of sun