\"Lorna

Lorna Sixsmith, aka Irish Farmerette pictured with her husband Brian Photo by: Irishfarmerette.com

Nine pieces of advice for those considering marrying an Irish farmer

\"Lorna

Lorna Sixsmith, aka Irish Farmerette pictured with her husband Brian Photo by: Irishfarmerette.com

Do you dream of marrying an Irish farmer? If so, Carlow mother-of-two Lorna Sixsmith, aka Irish Farmerette, has got some advice for you to consider.

Sixsmith has been married to her husband Brian, a dairy and beef farmer, for twenty years.

According to the Sixsmith woman, “Some women, particularly if they are from cities or towns, just don’t realise that farming is such a 24/7 occupation and many find it stressful and isolating at times.”

The social media consultant adds: “Many will be relieved to know that it isn’t just their husband who announces a cow is calving just as you are dressed up to go out for a party which, of course, means that you aren’t going anywhere.”

Her upcoming book ‘Would You Marry A Farmer? Confessions of an Irish Farmerette,’ is a social history of farming with plenty of humor.

Sixsmith is running a crowdfunding campaign on FundIt to generate pre-orders for her book. Learn more about her campaign here.

Here are Lorna Sixsmith’s top tips to women considering marrying Irish farmers

1. Sorting Cattle

When sorting cattle, bear the following in mind: (sorting means dividing a batch of calves or cattle into 2 groups, perhaps separating male from female calves or dividing them according to size/thrive).

You will probably be standing by a gate as your loved one sends the relevant calves or cattle in your direction so you can let them past the gate into the shed. However, if a wrong one comes towards you (beside another one or even two) you are supposed to intuitively know this and wave your stick to separate them, sending the wrong one back to the batch and the other into the shed.

‘The black one’ – does not mean that the animal is all black. It simply means that it has slightly more black on its coat than its comrades. The same goes for ‘the white one’!

‘The bull, let the bull in’ doesn’t help when you have 3 calves heads coming towards you and you can’t see between their legs.

‘The biggest one’ – You must learn to tell the difference in size between calves, even if one is only an inch or so taller than the other.

Above all, you both must appreciate that any bad language hurled at each other while sorting cattle can be forgotten about once they are sorted into their two separate batches.  In fact, bad language is expected and can even be enjoyed as at what other time can you tell your loved one he is a F**king idiot for not realising you’re not telepathic.

2. Moving Bulls

Moving yearling bulls can be a dangerous task and it is important not to belittle the dangers.  Having a good cattle dog is imperative and we are lucky we do. But it still involves standing in a gap at some stage, behind a gate pulled over partially if there is one there, gripping a sprong or fork tightly ready to jab it into a bull if need be.

When moving yearling bulls and your husband leaves the door on the tractor open so that you can jump in should the need arise, it is comforting to remember that should a bull attack you, that you 1) have good life assurance and 2) that your husband will probably risk his own life to save you!

I have yet to hear if a dozen bulls are going to the factory or not tomorrow. If they are, it’s good news as it means money in the bank but Brian will need help sorting them from the other 11 in that batch!

Tip: it helps if you wave your arms, dance and shout too at the bulls if need be. No one but your husband will see you so don’t worry about looking a fool.

3. You Become A Chauffeur

When driving anywhere, your husband is likely to fall asleep after an average of ten miles so you turn into a chauffeur if you are travelling with him – doing the driving while he nods away in the passenger seat, waking at intervals to marvel at how quickly the journey is going.

4. No Domestic Gods

Even if your husband cooked most of the meals pre-farming – don’t expect that to continue.  The children see it as a novelty when Brian cooks which I find worrying so this winter, he (as a much more creative cook than I) is going to teach our very keen 8 year old to cook some meals and experiment a bit too.  I, for one, can’t wait for the cows to be dried off!

5. Illness is not recommended

Don’t get sick! Once your husband has milked cows and calved cows for a week while experiencing ‘flu – you will never get sympathy again. Instead, there’s no time to get sick – according to farmer husband.

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