Although the "Twilight" saga does not portray my ancestors — wolves, werewolves especially — in a particularly positive light, I share the wonder of my fellow intellectuals over the movies' hysterical, adoring fans. Their fervor is, well, bloodthirsty.
But at last, this phenomenon has come to the attention of the world's leading cultural guru, Oprah Winfrey. Although she has no interest in publicity herself, she is anxious to explore the roots of this "Twilight" addition, and has announced a casting call for a show featuring the diehards who follow the "Twilight" saga, the books, the movies and of course, stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.
So, if the words "New Moon," "Eclipse," "Breaking Dawn" or just "RPatz" have a special meaning for you, like the meaning a life-presever has to a drowning man, then Oprah wants to hear from you. She promises you a chance to have your say, and hints that there could possibly be some members of the "Twilight" cast on that very same show. OMG!
You'll have to write a 2,000-character note to Oprah about how "Twilight" has affected you or your family, and you must be willing to appear on "The Oprah Winfrey Show."
So, my fellow fanatics, go to her "Oprah Winfrey Show Twilight Fan Search" web page and start writing.
See you there! (I'll be the dog.)