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Irish American girl commits suicide in repeat of Phoebe Prince storyline

Ashlynn Conner,10, is the latest suicide victim of school bullying

CATHAL DERVAN,

IrishCentral Staff Writer

Published Tuesday, November 15, 2011, 7:11 AM

Updated Tuesday, November 15, 2011, 10:48 AM

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10-year-old bullying victim who committed suicide Ashlynn Conner

Photo by Fox

A little 10-year-old Irish American girl in Illinois has taken her own life in a story so reminiscent of the Phoebe Prince case.

Ashlynn Conner allegedly committed suicide last week after she was bullied about her weight at school and in her local Ridge Farm neighbourhood.

Mum Stacy told local TV station WCIA3 News that Ashlynn came home in tears a fortnight ago and complained that she was being bullied repeatedly because she was overweight.

Her story is so similar to that of Phoebe Prince, the 15-year-old from Ireland who took her life in January of last year after she was the victim of cyber-bullying in South Hadley, Massachusetts.

The Conner family held a vigil for their departed daughter on Monday as they tried to come to terms with her loss and sought an explanation for the bullying that killed her.

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Irish American girl commits suicide in repeat of Phoebe Prince storyline

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“They’d call her a slut,” said a tearful Conner,” Stacy Conner told the TV station. “Ashlynn’s ugly. She’s fat.”

Just last Thursday Ashlynn asked her mother to remove her from the fifth grade at Ridge Farm Elementary and home school her. Single mum Stacy said she would discuss it with the principal on Monday and less than 24 hours later, Ashlynn’s sister Michaila found her dead in a closet.

“The taunting has been happening for years, I didn’t know what to do. We had spoken about bullying but she never told her how bad it was.

“I thought my kids were strong. That my words to them for guidance and advice would have more weight than what these kids were saying. I was wrong.”

The state of Illinois passed an anti-bullying law in 2001 but that wasn’t enough to save Ashlynn.

“I don’t know what it’s going to take to stop it,” added Stacy Conner. “No child should ever have to feel like they have to kill themselves to stop that kind of pain.”

Illinois’s Board of Education told local media that it is saddened by the loss and has instructed counselors to speak with students and family.

Vermilion County Coroner Peggy Johnson told the local News Gazette that they are still investigating Ashlynn’s cause of death.

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eiriamach | Nov 16, 2011, 05:44 AM EST

The comments below are valuable for understanding the problem. I'd like to suggest just one more thing. It's important for parents to take the bullied child along when you discuss the problem with teachers and principal. The child should see parents intervening even if you cannot change the situation completely, and teachers are more likely to seem sympathetic and willing to help if the victim is present for the discussion. Suicide becomes an option when a child feels surrounded by the mean kids, the bullies, and it seems that no one cares enough to understand the victim's pain or to try to stop the bullying. Life does not seem worth living under those conditions; it's better to escape from a bad situation when the child has no reason to think it will improve. We need to show children that we're trying to solve problems for them, trying to remove the pain from their lives. It's more important for the victims to see our efforts than it is to end the bullying entirely. Kids learn problem-solving skills, they learn that bad situations don't last forever, they learn to count on other people helping, and these are the antidote to thoughts of suicide. (In my experience, it can make the principal really uncomfortable to have the child in the office when you're discussing the bullying! The parents get to talk more about the problem because the principal won't want to say much or try much manipulation with the child present.)

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Roy1dad | Nov 15, 2011, 08:18 PM EST

Our children are a gift from God and so many do not have anyone to show them what the love of God is all about. Many children see so much fighting among their parents that they have developed the mentality of destruction. They have such a horrible image of life and theirselves that they think to bully will improve their image, because they have brought fear to someone the way their parents have brought fear to them. We need to be more persuasive to our school athorities, to our elected officials. We need to never sit silent about this subject. KEEP SHOUTING UNTIL WE ARE HEARD!!!! Parents LISTEN to your children, again I say LISTEN, (DON'T JUST HEAR)TO WHAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE TO SAY!!!! DECIFER YOUR CHILDREN'S STATEMENTS,they will tell you much.

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MonaAnn | Nov 15, 2011, 05:30 PM EST

These anti-bullying programs are not working. My grandkids attended a school where the principal was a friend to the bullies parents and told them first about any complaints before she took any action. She was forced to take an early retirement, which she did not deserve, after the district received so many complaints about her. I agree with Susan, these kids need to be made accountable for their actions. I have seen parents come in the school office and yell at the principals because their child was disciplined. Now we know why these kids are bullies. Thankfully, we now have two principals that don't take any crap from the students or the parents. We don't understand God's reasoning for why these tragedies happen, but I am sure she is now in His loving care. Lord have mercy on the soul of this little angel and take care of her family through this painful time. Amen

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mamaginnty | Nov 15, 2011, 02:47 PM EST

So sad that someone as young as ten yrs old suffered so much, the mother mentions it had been happening for years, your talking 6-7 yrs or younger, the mother should not have let this go for so long.

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joycean | Nov 15, 2011, 02:47 PM EST

SusanMcCasland, You made a profound statement when you said that bullies "grow up to continue the process." When my daughter was the object of bullying, the parents of the bullies were complicit. And when I spoke to the school principal, she was not helpful; the bullying continued inside the school and on the school bus. Probably the parents of bullies and school officials need to be held accountable in very serious ways, much like we are beginning to treat child abuse cases.

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SusanMcCasland | Nov 15, 2011, 12:48 PM EST

Bullying has to stop. It isn't okay to teach your children that you can do whatever you want without consequences for your actions. Parents who manipulate the system so their children won't be punished have to realize they aren't doing them any favors. Bullies are just plain mean. They get a charge out of the suffering of others. Bullies don't go away they just grow up to continue the process. They are cowards that get their power from the pain of others.

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manhattan | Nov 15, 2011, 12:22 PM EST

I don't understand the awful amount of kids taking their lives. There has always been bullying and I'm not saying it is right but sadly it is a rite of passage. I believe when I was bullied as a kid the fear of killing myself and going to hell was something that scared the hell out of me . At risk kids have to have a safe haven where they can talk about it and learn to fight back. Bullies really are cowards and the kids have to be told that.

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arialgirl | Nov 15, 2011, 10:50 AM EST

'Standing by an watching bullying is almost as bad as being the bully.' I think it is worse to stand by and watch it versus being the actual bully. I am trying to protect my niece from this but the school looks the other way. Bullying - especially of overwieght kids - is the last acceptable form of bullying in the US.

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turzovka | Nov 15, 2011, 09:34 AM EST

I feel so bad that our society has degenerated into a godless, thoughtless monster on so many levels. Most kids are so poorly schooled on the reality of life, death, immortality, goodness, decency, respect, and discipline. The entertainment media surely has not helped, nor has government or the carelessness of parents. Life is not meant to be lived for fun, selfishly. That is a sure formula for failure and regret.

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Portia777 | Nov 15, 2011, 09:30 AM EST

So Sad. There is much pressure on children to be perfect through the media. Girls are expected to be perfect - princess programming.

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colkelley | Nov 15, 2011, 09:26 AM EST

I have two sons and when bullying was attempted (they are both half-Filipino) the wannabe bullies learned more about the Irish side than they wanted. My sons were also raised not to bully and to protect others from bullies. Standing by an watching bullying is almost as bad as being the bully.

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