Apparently, all we need to solve this Brexit mess is a giant pair of scissors!
That’s according to one Dublin-man anyway, who has drawn up what he feels is a succinct and easily-applied plan to get us all right back on track.
With both Northern Ireland and Scotland voting to remain in the EU, Sinn Féin have called for a border poll in Northern Ireland, and Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has also confirmed she will begin a process to have a second independence referendum in Scotland. Consequently, some have questioned whether this is the beginning of the end of not just the EU, but of the UK, also.
Amidst all the confusion, Graham O’Malley has come up with a solution to keep at least Scotland and the Republic relatively happy, although poor Northern Ireland seems, once again, to draw the short straw. The Isle of Man also gets a bit of a rough time.
Outlined below, O’Malley wrote out a twelve-point plan on Facebook that would restructure the British Isles into the Celtic Isles. It has now been shared more than 30,000 times.
Before we begin, here’s a quick primer on the main characters in this plan:
Nicola Sturgeon - The First Minister of Scotland and leader of the Scottish Nationalist party came into office in November 2014 shortly after the resignation of Alex Salmond following the first Scottish Independence referendum. She is the head of the Scottish government and political leader of Scotland with her own Scottish Cabinet. This role falls below the office of the Prime Minister of the UK, however.
Sturgeon was very much in the Remain camp in the lead up to the Brexit referendum and last Friday spoke on her beliefs that Scotland’s future may now lie outside of the UK. Many who voted against Scottish independence last time around did so because it ensured their country’s membership within the EU. Now that they are being forced to leave despite the Scottish majority wishing to stay, Sturgeon believes that Scotland’s position has changed enough to enact the provision for a further referendum.
Paul O’Connell - A recently retired, legendary, and much-loved Irish rugby player, Paul O’Connell is Ireland’s third most capped player, and the joint-twelfth most-capped international player in rugby union history. He captained the Irish rugby team through many victories and there’s still no-one else we’d rather turn to in a time of crisis.
Irish football fans - It was easy to get drawn into the bandwagon of the European Soccer Championships this summer what with the endless amount of videos of our fans showing how up for a good time and a bit of craic we were. We’ve already seen their persuasion technique in attempting to stop English fans rioting in France, so we know there’s no better men for the job.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, let us introduce, the Celtic Isles:
- We save up all our pocket money and buy a giant scissors. Like one at least 2 km long.
- We take our scissors on the ferry over to Scotland as a gift for Nicola Sturgeon.
- Nicola, on the sly, starts severing the English/Scottish border with the scissors.
- If the English notice and start kicking up a fuss we send in some craic squads of Irish football fans to distract them with cans and a sing-song.
- We attach the now free-floating Scotland to Paul O’Connell, who has been patiently waiting off the west coast of Scotland.
- Paul tows Scotland to the top of our island and we swap it with the North (remember: we still have the scissors).
- We glue Scotland to the top of Ireland while Paul tows the North up past Buncrana towards Sligo, where we use more glue to attach it there.
- We *maybe* repeat the whole process with Wales, still on the fence about this one, might have to take a vote.
- Our newly formed country ‘The Celtic Isles’ remains in the EU.
- We win all the football forever and probably all the other sportsball too I guess.
- England has a big cry cos now it’s basically that kid no one invites to the party cos he’s kind of a d**k.
- The Isle of Man is like ‘Guys what’s going on lol’ but no one answers because seriously, f**k the Isle of Man, state of it.
Even though this plan may be physically impossible, an Irish/Scottish alliance could be on the cards.
The Washington Post looked into the outcome of a United Kingdom without Scotland, Northern Ireland and London (which also firmly voted remain), naming the country Wangland (Wales and England).
Wangland would be a drastically changed country, losing almost 40,000 square miles, around 15 million of its population and change from 81.9 per cent “White British” to 86.56 per cent “White British.”
Taking away the influence of the SNP and the Labour party strongholds in Scotland would leave a weakened Labour Party nationally and a relatively stronger UK Independence Party. Without Labour, however, the Conservatives could possibly take over Wangland’s government for quite some time.
Would you like to see Scotland leave the UK and form a special alliance with Ireland? Let us know your thoughts, below.