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The Joker
IrishCentral is full of jokers, but this blog’s for you! Open to all registered users of the site to post their jokes.  Let’s hear your funniest Irish jokes, riddles, and one liners. An “R” rating is the worst we’ll allow, unless it’s truly a brilliant one that has our sides splitting. Did you hear the one about the priest and the … ? Or is the rabbi and the … ?
The Joker
Posted by Kevin at 5/14/2009 3:26 PM EDT
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” She got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my beer. ... Read More »
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Posted by sarahjmarie at 5/14/2009 2:02 PM EDT
The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Quinns. At Quinns, you buy ... Read More »
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Posted by fuerte181 at 5/14/2009 1:53 PM EDT
Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels. "Shawny ole boy, we've been ... Read More »
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Posted by fuerte181 at 5/14/2009 1:51 PM EDT
Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time ... Read More »
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Posted by fuerte181 at 5/14/2009 1:51 PM EDT
A wee Belfast boy came home from school in tears.  'What's the matter, son?' asked his mammy.  'We were doing sums today, Mammy,' he said.  'And were they too hard?'  'Well, the teacher said either I couldn't count, or I was stupid, or all three.' ... Read More »
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Posted by fuerte181 at 5/14/2009 1:49 PM EDT
A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body. ... Read More »
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Posted by ichi at 4/22/2009 5:24 AM EDT
Murphy walked with his dog every day all through the villiage, so everyone knew both Murphy and his dog. One day Murphy is on his walk without the dog. Cronin sees Murphy and asks, "Where is your dog?". Murphy answers, " I had to have him put down." "Was he mad", asks Cronin." "He wasn't too pleased," says Murphy. ... Read More »
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Posted by Moe at 4/21/2009 11:03 PM EDT
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" ... Read More »
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Posted by ichi at 4/21/2009 4:40 PM EDT
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice ... Read More »
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Posted by Fitzlicious at 4/21/2009 2:33 PM EDT
What do you call a fake diamond? A "Shamrock". ... Read More »
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