Over the weekend I had an experience that many of you have had before: assembling furniture bought at Ikea.
I had never been to Ikea before and, well, we'll see if I ever go back. This weekend's experience was not a good one.
First, let me own up. I'm not a natural when it comes to fixing or making things. In fact, my brother - cruel person that he is - often mockingly refers to me as Bob Vila, particularly when I reveal something about myself like a few years ago when I told him that I'd never actually drilled a hole in a wall before. I don't deal much in power tools.
My lack of prowess with power tools has nothing to do with Ikea, however. In case you don't know, Ikea furniture comes flat-pack, which means all the pieces are there and all the holes are there and all you have to do is assemble it. Should be easy. Truth is, I've assembled other things following the instructions and generally I'm pretty good at it (so long as nothing more challenging than turning screws and hammering nails is required).
Unlike a lot of men I know, I'm quite willing to follow such instructions to the letter. I don't feel a manly need to prove that whoever put the instructions on paper didn't know what he was doing.
So I was very confident as I started work on my son's new 6'6" bookcase. It was going great. This piece connecting to that piece and in no time I had the full case assembled. All that was left was the back, which was a flimsy piece of thin fake wood that had to be slotted and nailed on.
That's when my troubles began. The instructions (all pictures, no words) called for me to lie the bookcase down flat and slot the back in from the top. However, that meant I needed a space 13' long and 3' wide, which wasn't available to me upstairs thanks to the size and configurations of the rooms and width of the doorways. I had to 'make do.'
After an hour of trying to 'make do' the sweat was pouring off me and the cheap back was frayed and even torn in one or two places. Worse than that my temper was completely shot. I wanted to kill someone, anyone I didn't care.
Another half an hour and I was calling down damnation on Ikea, all who worked there, all Swedish companies, the Swedish king and queen and eventually all Swedish people, although I exempted Anders Hedberg who was my favorite NY Ranger back in the early 1980s.
My wife, who wasn't home, called a few minutes later to ask a simple question. She probably thought I sounded like I'd been attacked by a rabid dog. She came straight home to help and within 15 minutes the two of us had managed to get what was left of the back into the bookcase and I nailed it in. Done. It didn't look great, but it was done.
I went to turn it upright and then I saw it: the bottom piece, which was the very first piece I'd picked up and connected, was facing the wrong way. The painted side was to the wall and facing out was the ugly, unfinished, unpainted side.
That very nearly started me off again, but my wife calmly told me to go get a can of paint we had in the house, one that was pretty close to the bookcase's color, and slap that paint on the piece. She said no one would see it anyway - it really is out of the line of sight unless you're crawling around.
I muttered and mumbled as I went to get the paint and brush, muttered and mumbled as I painted and even muttered and mumbled as I waited for the paint to dry. Eventually it was ready and I turned it up and put it in place.
Now two days later with all my son's books and other things on the shelves it looks fine, almost nice. My nerves have returned to normal. It's almost something I can laugh about. Almost.
16 Comments
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.Monsoonman | Sep 06, 2010, 09:15 PM EDT
LOL Yank, yes the boxes from ikea ARE animated and I'll bet there's a fiendish little leprechaun lurking in there too...Be brave me boy! Keep the St. Patricks medallion handy!
TheYank | Sep 04, 2010, 02:15 AM EDT
Monsoonman, Great story. Reminds me of a story about the year Santa thought he could put together a bike for me on Christmas Eve. From what I understand, Santa had barely disappeared when I ran down to see what he'd left.
TheYank | Sep 04, 2010, 02:12 AM EDT
MaryM232, The Billy bookcase was my nemesis too. What's worse it wasn't the only item I bought that evening a few weeks ago, but so far the others are still in their boxes. Waiting. Eyeing me up. I think they smell fear.
MaryM232 | Sep 03, 2010, 06:11 PM EDT
Well, you've had your introductory Ikea moment. I put one of their Billy bookcases together for my daughter and as you mentioned, the back is flimsy, and it can be a PiTA to slide the backing up through the grooves because it keeps wanting to bend along the fold. My screw up was putting the secured bottom shelve in backwards, so the particle board edge was exposed, I turned to paint to cover up my mistake as I'd no interest in taking it apart. It basically made me much more careful when I put other Ikea items together. The worst piece from the chain though, was a kitchen unit. The two under shelves had slats that I had to assemble, and the darned things kept slipping out. It took me a few hours tinkering to get each shelf assembled. I haven't been back to Ikea since.
Monsoonman | Aug 29, 2010, 07:52 PM EDT
On a trip to Florida to visit my Father a few years ago, on the last day of my stay I bought him and his wife an unassembled gas barbecue from home depot as a present. I would have bought it assembled but they had none available, plus I had to catch an early flight the next morning, so i figured what the hay we'll put it together it will be a good father/son experience like when we built my school projects back when I was a kid, plus it can't be that complicated, it's only a bbq. At two o'clock in the morning I was putting the finishing touches on it. I was staggered by the sheer weight and volume of the separate bags of nuts, screws, bolts and washers when I took every bit of unassembled piece out of that box. Never again!
TheYank | Aug 26, 2010, 09:41 AM EDT
jmcauliff, Yes, a few words would be welcome. Even if they were only available online that would do me.
Funny enough I had a look at their pictorial assembly directions last night and I just figured out that the very first picture was trying to tell me not to attempt to put this together alone. I thought the image was telling me that they had a helpline or whatever.
TheYank | Aug 26, 2010, 09:36 AM EDT
Monsoonman,
Well, maybe, but to buy a similarly sized bookcase here would have cost me at least €150 more (inc delivery) than I paid for the Ikea one. And, truth is, it doesn't look bad now that it's up.
TheYank | Aug 26, 2010, 09:34 AM EDT
ZIGGYDZ, Uh, yup. No hope there.
ZIGGYDZ | Aug 23, 2010, 09:08 PM EDT
So, designing and building your own furniture would be out of the question, huh?
Monsoonman | Aug 23, 2010, 08:41 PM EDT
If ya don't value your time I guess it's a good deal. I'll pay the extra 20 bucks and buy it assembled.
gretchenkohls | Aug 23, 2010, 05:30 PM EDT
Been there, done that, have the scars to prove it!
jmcauliff | Aug 23, 2010, 02:37 PM EDT
It is often a challenge to assemble but you can't beat the quality and design for the price. I wish Ikea would get beyond its multi-national identity and provide detailed written instructions in English on line, including warnings about common errors--like facing a piece the wrong way.
rcrdskpr@aol.com | Aug 23, 2010, 12:09 PM EDT
in the words of clint eastwood, "ya gots to know your limitations".
rcrdskpr@aol.com | Aug 23, 2010, 12:08 PM EDT
in the "ya gots to know your limitations".
Ms.Gail | Aug 23, 2010, 10:42 AM EDT
So sorry for your bad experience. I am blessed with a husband who is super at assembling things and can actually follow instructions myself. God bless you. For future reference, many shops that sell unassembled furniture also have a list of people you can hire to assemble it.
NyackGal | Aug 23, 2010, 09:14 AM EDT
Ah,yes...Ikea furniture!!It took my husband a month to do 4 chairs(just kitchen chairs,mind you,nothing fancy);he was German and organized.and did one chair a week!Ny son and son in law managed to do 3 bookcases in 81/2 hours,they may have the record!