Living My irish Dream


Living My Irish Dream by Mary Catherine Brouder

An American from The Bronx bids farewell to Ireland

Posted on Sunday, December 12, 2010 at 02:08 PM

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Saying goodbye to things isn’t as easy as it looks. Anyone who has ever left home, even for five minutes, will tell you that.

Maybe that’s how the idea of the “Irish goodbye” (slipping wordlessly out of a room) was born: it’s much easier to avoid the emotional strain of parting ways than to confront it head-on.

After spending more than a year and a half here in Ireland, I’m taking my first trip in ten months to my native home. If I can’t find work in Ireland, I’ll join the estimated 43% percent of Americans aged 25-34 who live at home with their parents. And I'll be one of at least 65,300 people who have left Ireland this year in search of work(Ireland has seen the highest net emigration this year since 1989).

Lately, life feels a lot like that Keane line, “Everything’s changing and I don’t feel the same.”
After 12 weeks, I bid farewell to my journalism students at our holiday party - just as I had finally gotten to know them all. I spent my free time looking at new, smaller apartments, where my sister can live, just in case I don't return to Dublin.

And today, my cousin Dawn called to announce that she officially moved out of the house she had been renting and into her brand-new permanent home. Her old house was the place where she had generously allowed my sister and I to live when we first arrived in Ireland.

It was in that house where we watched Dawn’s daughter Kate grow, learn to speak, and use the potty. I don’t know how many times we danced with Kate around the kitchen to Sam Cooke’s “Wonderful World.”

We made many a memory in that house, and now it’s somebody else’s home.

Even my old favorite museum is changing. A few weeks ago, I watched in dismay as the Yeats exhibit at the National Library was being dismantled.

Initially, I came to Ireland with my Dad and sister last summer, just for a few months, to receive treatment at a holistic clinic. After several months of treatment, I returned to full health, and was offered work at a start-up web company. The job started in March, so I went home in February, and officially returned to Ireland for as long as it would have me.

I spent the entire 7 hour flight from JFK to Dublin airport bawling my eyes out, as I thought about everything I was leaving behind.

While packing up my things recently(the job didn't quite pan out as planned), I came across a notepad in which I had scribbled a few tear-stained notes during that flight. I wrote:

“Places always look more beautiful when you’re leaving them... Even the faded blue-and-red intersecting lines of your empty notebook page stare back with vivacity and beauty – like they’re taking mischievous delight in calling you to take account of the loveliness you never took the opportunity to cherish before.”

As I prepare for the possibility that I may not return to this country for a long time, everything around me, like those lines on my sheets of paper, is a reminder of what I may not have fully appreciated.

Good conversations with my sister’s now ex-boyfriend, Mark. Endless laughter, dancing, and silly chats with our cousin Dawn. Learning from, and listening to stories with, my Dad. Music, music, and more music, with many new and inspiring friends.

Spending this time, this borrowed time, living with my older sister in a city full of so much culture and history, was a gift.

When we were young, my sister Cornelia was the one who walked my brother and I to school – made sure our zippers were all zipped, and buttons buttoned – but she was also the first one to shake a wet tree branch over our heads on a rainy day. She always looked for ways to make us laugh – even on damp mornings on the way to school – and taught us never to take anything too seriously.
The childish admiration I have for my older sister has only grown after our nearly two years together in Ireland.

I think that’s what I’ll appreciate the most about my time in Ireland: the unique opportunities I’ve had to build, or strengthen, relationships, which I never would have had the chance to, if I had never left home.

None of us is the same person today that we were yesterday.

The people we meet, the knowledge we earn, and the activities in which we participate in a day undoubtedly make us different, changed somehow, from the way we were the day before.

I am not the same person I was before I moved to Ireland.

In my short time here, I’ve lived, I’ve loved, and I’ve learned. I’ve been lucky enough to have met some wonderful people, and make memories that I will cherish all of the days of my life.

So as I pack my bags, and prepare to leave this home away from home, at least, I can quote my high school’s Latin motto with a clear conscience: “Ac fui.” I was there.



44 comments

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Dublinjas ---Why the references to Romania? Has our columnist in training made some reference to that country that you found objectionable? You seem bitter.
I find it really hard to believe that after reading this article so many people had such negative, nasty,insignificant things to say. This is a story written by a young girl who is obviously emotional about leaving a place she has loved and enjoyed for another- a story about new beginnings and saying goodbye to a time in her life well spent. Grammatical errors and digs at salary etc etc- really people? Really? Seems like people should get off the internet and GET LIVES- its ten days before Christmas, how about a little bit of peace love and understanding?
Next time go directly to Romania and enjoy your stay with your gypsy pals, Maybe they could give you some pointers in begging and setting up scams, Until then don't let the big green door etc etc.
Thank you for all of your insights Mary. Best wishes, God speed and good luck with all of your new adventures and endeavours. Think on how much more you'll have to reflect upon when you're my age (46). Just remember "you may have to grow old, but you don't have to grow up" :)
You're right, billjoyce. It's great to be in touch with your roots. Best wishes, Mary C., wherever you choose to live and I'm glad you're in good health. I'm sure you'll be back to Ireland again. Btw: MaryeMoore makes some good points. MaryeM is a poster and not a columnist writing for I.C., so she can be excused for making a few "typos." The editor of I.C. is responsible for seeing that his columnists use correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar, and proofread their columns. Maybe this isn't an editorial priority on this site. Just saying. Mary C. does write very interesting stories that are enjoyed by many of us.
I spent some time in Ireland many years ago and it was absolutely one of the best memories I will evr have. Even the ups and downs are memorable in their vaporous reflections. If anyone can go to live if their heritage is there DO IT and you'll be better for it
Mary, LOL, I doubt you thought some would find the need to point out, what to them, are the shortcomings of this piece. In my case I enjoyed reading it and I hope as you leave one dream behind you are actively persueing another and are succesful in running it down.
To maryemoore...you know that old story about "people in glass houses" ...well...you must be cringing and wincing at your own post... kind of a blatant error "lages" in the midst of your diatribe. Poor soul, you must have felt so important writing it...only to make a boo boo yourself. Bloody well funny...like someone giving a spiff with toilet paper on their shoe. And you were looking for a job as a proof reader...again, I suggest that if you have a job...you'd best be hanging on to it. Nothing like having to wince and cringe at oneself. hehehehe Thanks for the chuckle.
I am not a person who envies, and I would not change the life I have lived, enjoying my children , granchildren and great grandchildren, but for a moment I did feel a twinge. Ireland is so beautiful and welcoming. Hopefully I may yet return once more for a short time.
@cavantown: Yes, I am aware that this particular article was a personal reminiscence. However, it does not excuse bad grammar. Your sarcasm proves that you did not get the jist of my criticism, namely that this site is careless in its editing of all types of subject matter. That fact grates on those of us who still have standards when it comes to intellgent prose, no matter how it is written-either as serious commentary or relating personally to a topic. Unfortunately, according to a recent study published in the New York Times, the United States lages far behind many other countries in education and standards. Proof positive is the lax quality of what passes as acceptable writing on a site that is produced by a newspaper of so-called professional writers and editors. I enjoy, the news from "home" but wish I did not have to read it, constantly cringing at basic writing mistakes.
MARY: I am glad you enjoyed your brief dabble in diddle-e-eye-land! Your stay was always underscored by your comforting option to return home to Americania.I suggest without this escape route, your Irish experience might have been very different. Pity the poor native wretches who are trapped here without any means of escape! As you pack your supply of rose-tinted glasses and take your leave,your brain filling with thickening emerald fog, please consider the hypocrisy of ..'dis auld Oirish saying: "...Here's yer coat, and what's yer hurry!"
Ah maryemoore...I see you can't sleep either. Well it appears to me that the story is about a person saying Bbye to Eire and Hello again to her homeland...and reminiscing about the wonders of each place. It is a blog and therefore written in the vernacular and I daresay I haven't heard a Yank say, "my brother and me" in "dogs legs" years. As for this being a news article...you would think a "writer" would have guessed by the title...it was a personal story...so I wouldn't think you should quit whatever job it is you have to wait on Irish Central hiring you. :)
The truth of the matter is that the grammatical mistakes ARE there and the story lacks clarity and cohesiveness. As a writer myself, I wince to see the caliber of what passes for "good" writing not only in this story but in many articles that appear on this site. I know you want to get the news out as quickly as possible but surely you must have a proof-reader or editor on your staff? If not, I am available at a reasonable rate!
@ haikued2 You are incorrect. I never said people who call names are losers. You are perceiving the facts at an 8 Grade level.
Ireland has an enchantment that lingers with Americans. That is what makes the "Emerald Isle" so unique.
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