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Periscope by Niall O'Dowd

The Month’s Mind -- A letter to Rory, remembering a laughing boy with us no more

Posted on Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 08:38 AM

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Rory Staunton

The Irish religious ritual of a “month’s mind”, exactly a month after a departed has passed is a beautiful if sad occasion to remember a beloved.

So this is for my nephew 12-year-old Rory Staunton, now in the arms of the angels after tragically dying from a toxic infection in a New York hospital on April 1st.

Rory, we miss you so much.

Every morning I awake and wonder if the empty feeling will ever subside, if it all really happened that one so vibrant and beautiful should pass so unexpectedly leaving so many broken hearts.

Alas, it has.

The days have been tough for us Rory, the nights even tougher.

What your parents,Orlaith and Ciaran have endured I will never know, except they and your wonderful sister Kathleen have hearts so broken it is hard to see them ever heal.

Yet they are magnificent, trying their very best every day to keep going despite the most horrible blow possible.

The memories still cascade, so special, so sad, so unreal that we won’t see your big red head of hair come bouncing into our lives again, full of the latest breaking news from CNN or the science project you are working on, or the plane you want to fly or the car you want to drive or the dream you want to live or the cause you want us to take up.

I almost called you to say make sure you watched the last flight of the space shuttle to JFK last week when it came in perched on top of a mighty Jumbo 747.

You would have told me everything about how the jumbo was able to carry such a massive load. You were always so comfortable in the sky.

You left an indelible mark young man. President Obama, President Clinton, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton are among those hundreds who have written to your parents saying how deeply they feel for them.

Family and friends here in America and Ireland have been wonderful Rory, you have brought out the very best in everyone.

I know a family where sisters reconciled after reading about your death, deciding that they could not sustain the bitter word when life is so fleeting.

I saw an incredibly decent act when the immigration officer at Dublin readily stamped your passport one more time when you traveled home to Ireland with us on your final flight.

A Rory circle of virtue I thought at the time.

That’s a little part of your legacy Rory, and there will be much more to come.

You were a pathfinder. I remember last summer when we spent the weekend in rural Pennsylvania and I got you and everyone else totally lost trying to find the road home.

It was pitch black and I was afraid to admit I was scared, we had wandered so far off the beaten path.

You alone, so mature as always, found the way back to our friend’s house deep in the woods as if you had a GPS in your head.

Now we need you to lead the way again for all of us, to help us cope.

Oh and Rory, a little boy was born this week to your first cousin Danielle in Ireland.

His name is Fionn Rory Muldoon after you.

Someday I will teach him about you and tell him what a difference you made and what a special boy you were.

You will live on in him and others always.

Until we meet again, Rory, and I know we will, I love you and miss you so much.

Your Uncle Niall

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josiekin | May 09, 2012, 03:07 PM EDT

May you Rest in Peace Dear Rory & May you're Family & Friends help each other cope with the days & years ahead by never being afraid to mention your name for the fear of upsetting one another! I'll never forget the 1st day I met you, you were drinking coke & I cut you off.Don't know how you did it but you strategically poured your own soda when I wasn;t looking & hid your filled glass behind a dessert menu. Very funny (",)

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irishcoffeekid | May 04, 2012, 09:48 PM EDT

a lovely tribute to a boy we never met but grew to adore. love the bit where they stamped his passport - must have been heartbreaking yet its so fitting. hold onto the memories and smile at the happy times. Gone but never forgotten..

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blackbearpause | May 02, 2012, 06:46 PM EDT

Rory, You budded on earth but will bloom in Heaven.

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Searlit | May 02, 2012, 02:18 PM EDT

I was at a loss for words,for awhile after reading this "months mind" remembrance. When you write about Rory - we share your pain because you have allowed us to.

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IrelandNorth | May 02, 2012, 07:23 AM EDT

My personal spiritual cinema copy of the Leonard Cohen narrated "Tibetan Book of the Dead" DVD reminds me of the Buddhist belief that it takes 49 days for the soul to negotiate the bardos of becoming to be embraced by the light. Meditating on the liberated soul that was trapped in matter to guide it onwards is purposeful. The HRC&AC Month's Mind is probably an intuition of this 7x7 formula. Ar dheis Dei go raibh a h'anam/My his sould rest on the right hand side of God. Only the good die young!

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EileenL | May 01, 2012, 09:26 PM EDT

Thank you Niall,my heart breaks for your Family you write so lovely about Rory i feel i know him so well,,, that Face that Grin will stay in my mind forever,,my tears flowed again just reading your months mind Niall,Rory was so well loved by You and the whole family and through your writing about him you let us readers in to meet and love him too ,,he is one little Boy it will be so hard to forget but so east to remember ,, R.I.P.Rory

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seamusdenais | May 01, 2012, 06:50 PM EDT

My Condolences to all in this difficult time.

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MsMacy | May 01, 2012, 06:44 PM EDT

Niall, Thank you for sharing these memories of Rory with us. I have read every single piece you've written about Rory several times over and have been moved by the way in which you've perfectly captured the spirit of your nephew. I was Rory's homeroom teacher at his school and his sister's second grade teacher several years ago. Although I haven't worked at Rory's school in two years, I can tell you that I still think of many of the families still there and the Stauntons have always stuck out to me as exemplary parents who love and give and give to their school and community. What a special family. Rory and Kathleen are a testament to this both in their desire for learning and in how they treat others. I always knew Rory was special from the moment I first met him as his reading teacher when we were dissecting the themes of Charlotte's Web with his second grade classmates. After witnessing such a moving service in honor of Rory in Queens, it is clear that to know Rory is to love him and the same can be said for the Staunton family as a whole. We should all aspire to be more like Rory who always spoke on so many subjects with aplomb, knew how to engage adults at such a young age, and fearlessly seized adventure. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you all during this crucial time.

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bunkerhill | May 01, 2012, 04:12 PM EDT

Dear Niall - We have experienced the pain all of Rory's family are enduring as we have been there ourselves. In addition we are watching a beloved, brilliant son succumb to a terrible disorder that has been going on for years. I only hope that at some point you will experience what I and so many others have experienced, "the peace that passes all understanding," absolutely unbelievable, coming unexpectedly out of the blue. I wonder given Rory's kindness towards others if you could establish a fund for Joanne Riordan that beautiful young woman from Cork. We would love to contribute but we would want it to go to Joanne so she can pursue her dreams. Fron what I have read about Rory I think he would love to help Joanne.

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sirpeter | May 01, 2012, 02:54 PM EDT

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.

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howareya | May 01, 2012, 01:46 PM EDT

Niall, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing...it is heart breaking but your family sounds strong and determined to go forward. Your posts about Rory transform you into a real person and not just a name on an article. God Bless you all.

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cyndemonte | May 01, 2012, 01:38 PM EDT

Dear Neall: Thank you. We are devastated and lost. We cry every day. Mothers holding mothers up thinking of Rory. He truly was a "master" mind. Rory taught my son Flight Simulator, Rory came here on St. Patrick's Day with Irish chocolate, Rory made us comfortable, made us laugh and forever and ever will be in our hearts. We love Orlaith, Ciaran and Kathleen more than words can express. We are here for them. We selfishly miss them and want them to come back to us in Queens. I wouldn't doubt, for one second, if Rory was right there in the cockpit during that historic flight! Our love for Orlaith has no bounds and we are here, waiting for her.

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christilcaugh | May 01, 2012, 01:13 PM EDT

So many in the U.S. don't know how to grieve, and are so afraid of it. You will have the wounds heal over, but the rawness will never go away. Remembering will help - and may your memories keep him with you a long time.

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GaelMcC | May 01, 2012, 10:42 AM EDT

Niall the 5th month (statistically - so give or take a few days/weeks)is the worst for the grieving, by then the support tapers off, the arrangments have all been made, those around you expect you to get on with it. Mark your calendar and you and the family need to be especially good to each other and yourselves then. joma you are especially cruel, as an Aussie with Irish riots living in the US I have followed Niall's writing and want to read updates. There is no "sucking up" this depth of loss.

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jamieLM | May 01, 2012, 10:40 AM EDT

@joma5004 = heartless jerk.

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