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Home Page > Blogs > News blogs > Periscope > The final farewell as my family say goodbye to Rory Staunton -- A sad leavetaking for grieving relatives amid sodden Irish skies

Periscope by Niall O'Dowd

The final farewell as my family say goodbye to Rory Staunton -- A sad leavetaking for grieving relatives amid sodden Irish skies

Posted on Tuesday, April 10, 2012 at 08:22 AM

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Rory Staunton

On a wet and grey Easter Monday amid slanting rain, my nephew Rory Staunton was finally committed to the Irish soil, buried beside his beloved grandmother in St. Peter’s graveyard in Drogheda, 30 miles from Dublin.

The dull thwack of the soil against the coffin after it was lowered signaled the final farewell for me to the 12-year-old boy who only a few weeks earlier was the joy and hope of his parents, New York based Ciaran and Orlaith Staunton, who is my sister. He was also the beloved big brother of his sister Kathleen.

Then, Rory contracted a deadly toxic bacteria after a slight cut during a basketball game and died in a New York hospital despite frantic efforts to save him.

I don't know what rough Gods insisted that it was time for Rory to be called home, but they surely were not merciful ones.

One look at my devastated sister and her husband and their daughter as the coffin was lowered for the final time would tell that instantly.

There is a finality to Irish burials that is not practiced in American burial rituals, where the coffin is usually set aside until the bereaved depart.

In Ireland, the body is lowered as the parents and bereaved watch.
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It is no easy job. Pallbearers strain to balance the heavy coffin as it is lowered.

Rory’s pallbearers were slipping and sliding on the wet earth as the rain poured down, finally succeeding, and I thought of Emily Dickinson's poem, "I felt a funeral in my brain" as the surreal scene unfolded.

"And then I heard them lift a box
and creak across my soul"

In a nice touch, the first earth poured on Rory's coffin was from his beloved Tullaghbawn Beach near Westport County Mayo where Rory loved to play with his cousins on long summer days.

Earlier, in a tiny County Meath church where he was once a ring bearer for my niece’s wedding, Rory's funeral mass was attended by among others, Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny and Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, as well as Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland Martin McGuinness.

It was a fitting tribute to the remarkable young boy, all three had met him and loved him, close family and political connections to both parties ensured that.

Ciaran, Rory's father, one last time eulogized his son and talked about the pain of dressing him for his final journey and the grief of a father forced to bury his only son.

In those few moments it seemed impossible for Rory to be gone, the bright wonderful boy whose picture adorned his coffin and who Ciaran brought back to life with such vivid words and memories.
But gone he is, his race run long before its time. He has left behind an indelible mark on me and mine.

Thank you to all who wrote such wonderful supportive letters and I know from letters and responses that this brave little boy has touched hundreds of other lives also.

May he rest in peace.

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coltonsberagh | Apr 25, 2012, 06:16 PM EDT

Absolutley heartbreaking, for you and your family, words cannot describe what you all must be feeling, and will continue to feel, and probably never will. But thank you for sharing this with us, As an aunt to many nieces and nephews, all of whom i love more than life, i hope and pray i never share your pain, but i offer my deepest sympathy to you, your family and especially your sister, brother in law and your niece! Ar dheis go raibh a h'anam.

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PatMcGinn | Apr 16, 2012, 05:32 PM EDT

I attended the Funeral Mass to show solidarity with the Staunton and O Dowd families who have stood together very publicly with many of my friends and neighbours over various issues and in particular Emigration. I left the Mass very sad and indeed helpless, nothing I can do or say will lift the pain that the families are going through. However Ciarans words were profound and it was a day that in particular I thanked the God of my understanding for my two sons. The thoughts and prayers of many from the Newry and Mourne area are with you all Niall.

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pmaceinri | Apr 12, 2012, 10:18 AM EDT

@herselfathome. Your comments are crass, insensitive and inappropriate. Bereavement is a occasion, in Ireland anyway, when people set aside all their differences and unite in solidarity. Moreover, it's a shared public event involving extended family, friends and others. Niall O'Dowd's articles were entirely in keeping with this tradition.

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cyndemonte | Apr 12, 2012, 07:56 AM EDT

Neall God bless you and your incredible family. Thank you for keeping us informed, although it must be heartbreaking for you, of Rory's final steps to Ireland. Your sister is such a wonderful, special person who is a beacon of light in the lives of her friends and we will be that for her. Orlaith has picked many of us up more times than I can count. I promise you we will be there for her, Ciaran and Kathleen. Rory had the presence of a noble Roman statesman whose eyes glistened at the mention of his parents' and sister's name, who challenged us to live a better life, and in honor of Rory, we will.

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herselfathome | Apr 12, 2012, 06:35 AM EDT

Misunderstood, uncomfortable ? No. Disappointed at your lack of sensitivity and professionalism. ps. I recommend a capital I when referring to oneself.

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Niall O'Dowd | Apr 12, 2012, 02:49 AM EDT

herselfathome i'm sorry if you misunderstand the job of a columnist. It is to discuss his experience as best he can in a particular situation. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.

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herselfathome | Apr 11, 2012, 06:10 PM EDT

Is this article about the dead boy or the editor of the Irish Voice. Personally, I believe it to be more about the writer, his pain, his family, his sad journey, his comparing the Irish to the American funeral, and his, the writer's photograph atop the article. My prayers are with Rory's parents and his sister at this very difficult time.

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antoman | Apr 11, 2012, 11:50 AM EDT

I've read your columns about Rory and never commented Niall. I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences to Rory's parents and his family.

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hermitTalker | Apr 11, 2012, 10:00 AM EDT

No cruel gods, Niall but a Father GOD whose innocent Son was railroaded to His execution on Friday but rose again to beat back death, disease and pain and sin. Rory went ahead of us and now understands why there are so many in pain here, and why we can be so cruel to one another during our short time here as we await our flight home. Thank you for chronicling his too sudden tragic death.

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johnshiel | Apr 11, 2012, 10:00 AM EDT

Niall: thanks.

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IrelandNorth | Apr 11, 2012, 06:00 AM EDT

Dia sabhala insteach/God bless all here! Ar dheis go raibh a h'anam/May his soul rest on the right hand side of God! Only the good die young. dreadfully sad to hear of this heartbreak for the O'Dowd-Staunton's. Wishing all a speedy recovery.

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Ollieo27 | Apr 11, 2012, 12:14 AM EDT

I have been following this story and cannot believe the sadness you must be feeling. I have asked my sister who died when she was 10 to Leukemia in 1985 to make Rory welcome when she meets him. I can only hope some day this all makes sense..Prayers go out to all your family. RIP Rory.

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EileenL | Apr 10, 2012, 10:03 PM EDT

Rory was12 years old a lovely age so impish are little Boys still love to kiss his Mom and that unexpected cuddle and the kiss on the top of the curly head then from his Mom, still at an age when his Mom and Dad can tuck him in at night and a big goodnight Kiss ,, its going to be very hard for your Family Niall all you can do now is be there for themand i thank you for including us readers in that beautiful little Boys Final journey ,i think we all feel like we knew him and cried buckets for his whole Family ,,he will never be forgotten R.I.P.Rory

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galway2001 | Apr 10, 2012, 08:05 PM EDT

My Heart goes out to the family.I met his father in his restaurants.I feel so sorry for him he's a very good person,but how in the world did he get a toxic bacteria in the hospital, that's not supposed to happen just by scrapping his elbow? how sad.I wish the family all the best.All i have left is to say a prayer

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murphy666 | Apr 10, 2012, 05:13 PM EDT

Every cradle asks whence, and every coffin whither. Everyone is on loan from God.

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