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Home Page > Blogs > News blogs > Periscope > The final farewell as my family say goodbye to Rory Staunton -- A sad leavetaking for grieving relatives amid sodden Irish skies

Periscope by Niall O'Dowd

The final farewell as my family say goodbye to Rory Staunton -- A sad leavetaking for grieving relatives amid sodden Irish skies

Posted on Tuesday, April 10, 2012 at 08:22 AM

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Rory Staunton

On a wet and grey Easter Monday amid slanting rain, my nephew Rory Staunton was finally committed to the Irish soil, buried beside his beloved grandmother in St. Peter’s graveyard in Drogheda, 30 miles from Dublin.

The dull thwack of the soil against the coffin after it was lowered signaled the final farewell for me to the 12-year-old boy who only a few weeks earlier was the joy and hope of his parents, New York based Ciaran and Orlaith Staunton, who is my sister. He was also the beloved big brother of his sister Kathleen.

Then, Rory contracted a deadly toxic bacteria after a slight cut during a basketball game and died in a New York hospital despite frantic efforts to save him.

I don't know what rough Gods insisted that it was time for Rory to be called home, but they surely were not merciful ones.

One look at my devastated sister and her husband and their daughter as the coffin was lowered for the final time would tell that instantly.

There is a finality to Irish burials that is not practiced in American burial rituals, where the coffin is usually set aside until the bereaved depart.

In Ireland, the body is lowered as the parents and bereaved watch.
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It is no easy job. Pallbearers strain to balance the heavy coffin as it is lowered.

Rory’s pallbearers were slipping and sliding on the wet earth as the rain poured down, finally succeeding, and I thought of Emily Dickinson's poem, "I felt a funeral in my brain" as the surreal scene unfolded.

"And then I heard them lift a box
and creak across my soul"

In a nice touch, the first earth poured on Rory's coffin was from his beloved Tullaghbawn Beach near Westport County Mayo where Rory loved to play with his cousins on long summer days.

Earlier, in a tiny County Meath church where he was once a ring bearer for my niece’s wedding, Rory's funeral mass was attended by among others, Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny and Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, as well as Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland Martin McGuinness.

It was a fitting tribute to the remarkable young boy, all three had met him and loved him, close family and political connections to both parties ensured that.

Ciaran, Rory's father, one last time eulogized his son and talked about the pain of dressing him for his final journey and the grief of a father forced to bury his only son.

In those few moments it seemed impossible for Rory to be gone, the bright wonderful boy whose picture adorned his coffin and who Ciaran brought back to life with such vivid words and memories.
But gone he is, his race run long before its time. He has left behind an indelible mark on me and mine.

Thank you to all who wrote such wonderful supportive letters and I know from letters and responses that this brave little boy has touched hundreds of other lives also.

May he rest in peace.

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Malachy2016 | Apr 10, 2012, 05:12 PM EDT

''Into The Wild Blue Yonder'' I never met Rory Staunton but over the past week and during the church service I realized that the Irish community had lost someone special. Young Rory touched the heart of everyone he came in contact with and so many now that he has gone. I have known Rory's father Ciaran for possibly all of the 12 years his beloved son had been on this earth, he has been a tremendous advocate for the undocumented immigrants here in New York as well as supporting peace and justice in Ireland. I, like many of the over 1,000 congregation in attendance at the mass became teary eyed and overcome with emotion. As presiding priest Father Tom said during the mass, there is simply nothing we can say to ease the pain but being here today shows we care. This family's loss cannot be measured by words but by the love we have for our own children. I personally have only experienced and witnessed a community coming together to comfort and support one of there own on a two occasions. Once when my beloved wife Bernadette suddenly died several years ago and on Thursday last at Rory's funeral mass in St Mary's Church in Woodside, Queens. The circumstances and gravity of this loss is beyond belief and heartbreaking. But the legacy Rory leaves us with is clear and decisive; stand up against injustice and discrimination, love your family, friends and life itself and most of all follow your dreams ''into the wild blue yonder''. RIP. Rory Go mbeannaí Dia duit Malachy McAllister

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bunkerhill | Apr 10, 2012, 04:08 PM EDT

May God bless and comfort all of you in this terrible time. We know your pain. As time goes on we think you will feel Rory's presence around you and know he is still with you in spirit. We feel God had a higher purpose for Rory.

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irishcoffeekid | Apr 10, 2012, 03:05 PM EDT

Very sad and a lovely looking kid. Few words help parents after the loss of a child but ones that come to mind are these: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

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mjcleveland | Apr 10, 2012, 01:25 PM EDT

I, too, feel the pain of the family and send my prayers out to them for comfort in this troubling time. RIP, Rory. God wants you for a reason we don't understand, but will learn in due time. Be at peace in a place where play without injury and pain is forever.

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hughsmom | Apr 10, 2012, 12:13 PM EDT

I'm heartbroken for your family! What a beautiful young man Rory was! RIP Rory! and God bless your family and keep them in their hour of pain!!

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conorsmom | Apr 10, 2012, 11:10 AM EDT

My heart breaks reading this. My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family....

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SyndiHolmes | Apr 10, 2012, 09:34 AM EDT

Tears and solace for all of you . Peace and a bittersweet joy as he now runs in new fields and along a new shore as he waits for you.

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jamieLM | Apr 10, 2012, 08:59 AM EDT

Mr. O'D, you've written poignant tributes that honor Rory and his life. Your sister and her husband are living every parent's nightmare come true - the loss of a beloved child. A supportive family helps everyone get through the grieving process, coming to terms with the endless "would have beens, could have beens, and should have beens." My prayers are with you and your family during the difficult days and years ahead. Rory lives on in the hearts and minds of all who knew and loved him and they will forever cherish his memory.

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KSERRAHN | Apr 10, 2012, 07:55 AM EDT

There are no more words in my heart to say. Just tears

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