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Home Page > Blogs > News blogs > Periscope > God in a time of personal crisis –how does he measure up? What I learnt from a dark night of the soul amid pain and suffering

Periscope by Niall O'Dowd

God in a time of personal crisis –how does he measure up? What I learnt from a dark night of the soul amid pain and suffering

Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 08:14 AM

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A man and woman praying

So is there an all-loving all-seeing God or is it a convenient invention to salve the soul?

I have had major reason to consider that question over the past few weeks as my 12-year-old nephew, Rory Staunton, cruelly lost his life to a toxic infection in a New York hospital.

In the intensive care unit I met two pastors, both doing their best to console a frightened and exhausted family desperately concerned for their little boy.

With one I ended up discussing the philosophy of Spinoza, the Dutch philosopher, who believed that if there was a God he was abstract and uncaring.

When you see all the war, the killing, the famine, and suffering it is easy for many to agree with Spinoza.

We discussed the Sermon on the Mount, and the eight beatitudes, which are the most relevant part of the Christian theology in my experience.

Those are profound statements that truly do preach humility and compassion and revive faith in the New Testament.

Yet how has that love and mercy expressed itself?

There were two church services for Rory, one in Ireland, one in America where God’s mercy and grace were front and center.

I was assured by many that Rory had gone to a better place and that God had a plan for him.

At his funeral mass there were repeated references to a merciful God but it was hard to see the mercy in depriving my grieving sister and her husband of their beautiful son.

I acknowledge now more than ever, the importance of the ritual of the religion, especially in the wake of Rory’s death when I see the incredible comfort that the ceremonies brought to his parents.

I saw God in the incredible caring of Father Tom, from Mayo, in the hospital room in New York in the way he told my little niece that her brother was gone, a truly saintly man.

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Read More:
An Irish wake for Rory Staunton back home in Meath --- The families and friends gather for the timeless Irish ritual

Rory Staunton, a beautiful boy, leaves this earth. The hardest column I will ever have to write
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But that is not the same as believing in God.

Despite the overwhelming desire to believe the answer is positive the question must remain unanswerable.

There is no evidence either way that is definitive or conclusive for me.

My awful encounter with death has if anything, increased my sense of how unknown the great questions of our existence remain.

I am comfortable with that. Great certainties held by people unnerve me anyway. All punishing, all powerful, all merciful deities of whatever religion make it too easy to avoid the really difficult question which is: Who are we? Why are we here?

I’m afraid I have no idea.

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26 comments

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emorstscr | Apr 11, 2012, 01:22 PM EDT

I envy people who believe in the afterlife, and that you will meet again. I wish I had that Faith. I hope that your Faith will comfort you.

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TheOldPerfessor | Apr 11, 2012, 12:38 PM EDT

The word tragedy tends to get overused in the media, but this is as tragic as anything I've ever read. If the priests managed to help any of the pain then bless them.

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kevrltr | Apr 11, 2012, 12:18 PM EDT

Hi, My sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family. Some words of wisdom that came from a funeral that I attended... Everyone in your life is a gift. Some are gifts that you like some not so much. Some are there for a short time and others are there all your life. I still believe that people have a reason for being, and how they touch other peoples lives gives a profound meaning to their life. Rory was a gift to you and your family, an amazing gift that was here too short a time. But, in his short life, he touched many lives and he changed many of them for the better. Through you and these columns he continues to touch thousands of lives, maybe even more by the connections of others who read and share this. We can't know all the answers, but know that there are a lot of people out there, keeping you and his parents in their prayers and thought. Take care, Kevin

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lizconpow57 | Apr 11, 2012, 12:18 PM EDT

@ Niall,am truly sorry for your loss. Rory's family are in my prayers.Last year my Nephew's fiannce,Chere was stabbed to death as she walked into her home after picking up her wedding dress,she had the dress draped over her arm. This murder has had a deep effect on my family. You ask God many questions. I was mad at God,why this young lady? How would this affect the future of my loved Nephew(Adam)? I kept reading passages in the bible,hoping my heart would stop being hardened. It's a up and down hole of emotions. No matter what anyone person believes in(God or no God) we have to have some believth in something. I choose to pray to God that our love ones wait for us on the other side. This is the thing that gets me thru each day. God Bless you,and thank you for your writing.

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joan1954 | Apr 11, 2012, 11:04 AM EDT

Some years ago a very dear friend died of a cancer that was not found in his annual medical exam. And in remembering his friendship a certain thought came to me that our loved ones are never gone, they are as close to us as our hearts. And in that, love never dies, it becomes easier as time goes by and I believe they do keep an eye on us. Perhaps you and your family have another Guardian Angel to look after all of you?

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jamieLM | Apr 11, 2012, 10:33 AM EDT

@ Niall - I work in the NICU where the tiniest of human beings struggle to live. In spite of our best medical efforts, some survive and others do not. A larger birth weight and the amount of prayers said by family and friends doesn't guarantee a successful outcome. Throughout my career, I've seen babies, children, & adults survive against all odds and others who should have survived, but didn't. I've come to accept the mystery of life - that some people have long lives and others do not and we don't always know why. This is earth, with all its joys and its suffering. From Day One, bad things have happened to good people. I don't believe in a God who says, "Who should I "take" today and cause great suffering to their loved ones"? Instead I take comfort in John 14:1-3. I have faith that when we die our spiritual body is taken by God/Jesus to live in another dimension that is joyous, peaceful, and has no earthly cares. From a scientific view, we're made up of energy and you can't kill energy. No one ever "gets over it." The grieving process is about eventually coming to accept what can't be changed and to move forward with our own lives while honoring and keeping the memories of our loved ones always alive and with us. Christian faith has us reunited eternally with our loved ones when we die. I pray you'll find your own solace in the days and months ahead.

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Searlit | Apr 11, 2012, 10:29 AM EDT

As human beings are bodies are destined to die. Our spirits are eternal. Jesus talked about the "Kingdom within". We are all connected. There is a spiritual dimension (a Heaven if you will). I think Rory had a strong spirit, as he had such great compassion. Whenever you are present; Still, silent, and aware of your surroundings, you may sense one's spirit. I'm still grieving with Rory's family for the loss of such a beautiful son.

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bunkerhill | Apr 11, 2012, 09:59 AM EDT

Dear Niall - We have been there and we understand and feel the same way you do. However at some point, sometimes in a darkest hour, you may sense the presence of an overwhelming, unexplainable love. So many have had this overwhelming experience and while not giving answers, it just makes one realize that there is a great force for love in the universe. Our world is in constant turmoil, but from the beginning it has been described as a battle between good and evil.

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donal1951 | Apr 11, 2012, 09:56 AM EDT

Whether there is a God is a decision we must make for ourselves. But as I pointed out earlier, and you, Niall, mentioned today, there is something in the wake and the funeral Mass that provides at least a modicum of comfort to those left behind to deal with the grief and the sorrow. I lost my wife to lung cancer in 2005, so I don't just speak hypothetically. And I'm not over it yet.

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Portia777 | Apr 11, 2012, 09:32 AM EDT

Excellent. Yes, in the long dark night of the soul we learn there is no god as we were taught. It is we hu- mans who help each other in times of need and it costs nothing.In the long dark night of the soul we also learn we are the ones with the power, rather than giving it away to men in dresses or some guy on a fluffy cloud.It is up to each of us to do the great work and not back and "pray"/beg someone outside of ourselves to do the work for us. That is lazy, but the scam was great while it lasted and so many gave their power away during their time here.

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Murph46 | Apr 11, 2012, 09:25 AM EDT

Niall,rarely at a time of severe tragedy do we get to understand god better.Again remind yourself that he and you were blessed to spend the loving caring time together that you did.Your memories of Rory have already served you constructively as shown in your writings!God does work in mysterious ways.

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