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Home Page > Blogs > News blogs > Periscope > God in a time of personal crisis –how does he measure up? What I learnt from a dark night of the soul amid pain and suffering

Periscope by Niall O'Dowd

God in a time of personal crisis –how does he measure up? What I learnt from a dark night of the soul amid pain and suffering

Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 08:14 AM

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A man and woman praying

So is there an all-loving all-seeing God or is it a convenient invention to salve the soul?

I have had major reason to consider that question over the past few weeks as my 12-year-old nephew, Rory Staunton, cruelly lost his life to a toxic infection in a New York hospital.

In the intensive care unit I met two pastors, both doing their best to console a frightened and exhausted family desperately concerned for their little boy.

With one I ended up discussing the philosophy of Spinoza, the Dutch philosopher, who believed that if there was a God he was abstract and uncaring.

When you see all the war, the killing, the famine, and suffering it is easy for many to agree with Spinoza.

We discussed the Sermon on the Mount, and the eight beatitudes, which are the most relevant part of the Christian theology in my experience.

Those are profound statements that truly do preach humility and compassion and revive faith in the New Testament.

Yet how has that love and mercy expressed itself?

There were two church services for Rory, one in Ireland, one in America where God’s mercy and grace were front and center.

I was assured by many that Rory had gone to a better place and that God had a plan for him.

At his funeral mass there were repeated references to a merciful God but it was hard to see the mercy in depriving my grieving sister and her husband of their beautiful son.

I acknowledge now more than ever, the importance of the ritual of the religion, especially in the wake of Rory’s death when I see the incredible comfort that the ceremonies brought to his parents.

I saw God in the incredible caring of Father Tom, from Mayo, in the hospital room in New York in the way he told my little niece that her brother was gone, a truly saintly man.

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Read More:
An Irish wake for Rory Staunton back home in Meath --- The families and friends gather for the timeless Irish ritual

Rory Staunton, a beautiful boy, leaves this earth. The hardest column I will ever have to write
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But that is not the same as believing in God.

Despite the overwhelming desire to believe the answer is positive the question must remain unanswerable.

There is no evidence either way that is definitive or conclusive for me.

My awful encounter with death has if anything, increased my sense of how unknown the great questions of our existence remain.

I am comfortable with that. Great certainties held by people unnerve me anyway. All punishing, all powerful, all merciful deities of whatever religion make it too easy to avoid the really difficult question which is: Who are we? Why are we here?

I’m afraid I have no idea.

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Cyn | Jul 20, 2012, 05:35 PM EDT

Gods be praised for the angels in this world, who give comfort to those in need without judgement. Gods be thanked for the mercies given those in pain. Gods be thanked for our blessings and gifts, and also for our losses so we may be thankful for what we have. Raised catholic pagan now, all gods are one and how you get your god doesn't matter at all. The human angels here that help us are a gift. A Presbyterian minister/friend here helped me with an issue once, and he teased me about my not being christian, "I'm the only shaman you know who will have a beer with you and listen." You are blessed, Niall.

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billie061 | Apr 15, 2012, 06:26 PM EDT

Deora and Herselfathome ????????????? Get off your high-horses, while I do have umbrage at times with Mr. O'Dowd, this is not one of them. You two forget that young boy is his family, have some heart, instead of attacking him. From a young age I started to bury family members, my way of coping I would write in my journal about them, some down the line I would burn as a tribute to that person others I have kept. It seems Mr. O'Dowd has used his column as his way of tribute to his nephew Rory, and you two with pure malice have tried to sully that shame on you. There is a trime and place for everything. God bless to Rorys family and Patchy 39 your son David.

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tredagh | Apr 12, 2012, 05:58 PM EDT

Patchy That is really a wonderful post.I hope that David and Rory have met.

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patchy39 | Apr 12, 2012, 03:16 PM EDT

Mr. O'Dowd my heartfelt sympathies to you and the family of Rory. As a parent that grieves the loss of a 10yr. old boy to a cruel neurological condition a few years ago I truly feel your pain and the void it leaves. For me talking about and hearing my son's name mentioned was the main thing that helped me (us) get over not having him in our lives. I must agree with jamieLM's post it more than says it all with regard to your tribute to Rory. My son's name is David and the rare condition he had was Adrenoleukodystrophy (ALD) a movie called "Lorenzo's Oil" portrays this condition. David was a normal healthy child until the age of 7yrs when we got his diagnosis,but by then it was to late for help for him. It took it course similar to Lou Gehrigs only with tremendous suffering and pain for him. (Maybe in heaven David and Rory could share some great stories of both their respective holidays spent in Ireland. Now that thought did put a little smile on my face) God Bless you all.

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jamieLM | Apr 12, 2012, 09:01 AM EDT

@Deora, How old are you? I'm shocked at your level of insensitivity for a man who is in the depths of despair and grief. Your words are cruel beyond belief. I strongly disagree with every word in your post and find it disgusting and offensive. You complain about his columns, but no one forced you to read them. Maybe you should only read the Entertainment section. @Niall, I commend you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with your readers during this incredibly difficult time for you and your family. You've honored your nephew by writing very moving tributes, allowing strangers to know a fine young boy who is gone too soon.

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IrelandNorth | Apr 12, 2012, 06:59 AM EDT

Some of us subsribe to the metaphysical existentialism/existential metaphysics that being born IS The Fall. We're not supposed to be here - ya know! Ergo, dying is a release from this glorified penal colony we call Planet Earth. Belief is premature knowledge, and consequently an impediment to ever knowing anything meaningful, similar to objectivity/inductivity over subjectivity/deductivity in epistomological philosophy. A beautiful tract I stumbled upon recently (attributable to St. Augustine/Sr. Faustina/Angelius Silesius?) is as follows: "Die [subjectively] before you die [physically]. So that you do not die [spiritually/metaphysically] when you die [physically], and thus be deprived of eternal life. Amen!" A bit like the Eagles famous "Hotel California" hit in the 70's (about addiction and a metaphorised famous drug treatment centre there) - "You can check-out any time you like but you can never leave." Heterodox Christianity is all about leaving emotionally before you check out physically. Can't think of any more concise definition of meaningful spirituality than that!

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SeanDubh | Apr 12, 2012, 05:07 AM EDT

I think you should have some manners Deora.Niall O' Dowd is more than entitled to write about whatever topic he so chooses,this is his website after all and nobody forced you to come on here and read any of what he has to say on any matter. Most people within the New York Irish community have been deeply affected by this young boys tragic passing.We are glad to read anything on the matter that Niall or his family might wish to share at this most trying of times.A little sensitivity wouldn't go a miss where you are concerned,and again you can stay off the website if you don't want to read whats on here. As to the allusion of the post,it really is a most difficult thing to accept that there is a loving God there, when faced with such unnecessary pain and grief.In spite of my doubts about Gods existence I usually find myself thinking,at times like these,that he simply must.

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SeanDubh | Apr 12, 2012, 03:28 AM EDT

The answer is there is no answer, i believe there is a loving God, but how could something so horrible happen, there is no answer, it just is. I hope he is in a better place, but I don't know. I feel so sorry for all it makes me wonder.

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Niall O'Dowd | Apr 12, 2012, 02:45 AM EDT

Deora, what should a writer do, write about second hand topics or what is in his heart and share his direct experience? I'm sorry you fail to understand that basic fact of my job. I'm sorry if the honesty offends you,

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Deora | Apr 11, 2012, 10:13 PM EDT

Niall The death of one so young is always tragic and sad. But to use such an event as an excuse for a run of self-serving publicity is reprehensible.It indicates a lack of respect and sympathy for the bereaved. Made worse because you are a member of that family.Is there anything you would not write about?? Or can we expect a blow by blow of your sex life next?? Get off your high horse and try to be professional. Let the dead rest.

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brianmack | Apr 11, 2012, 07:23 PM EDT

Niall, there is nothing worse in life than losing a young child. I have read your article and everyone of the comments very carefully. A tremendous amount of understanding and suggestions about religion and God that I have found to be incredibly inspirational. Peace to you and the friends and family of Rory.

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SyndiHolmes | Apr 11, 2012, 06:49 PM EDT

Why my nephew died 10 years ago in a car accident, I do not know; I have never seen any good come from his death. What I have learned is that terrible things just happen and that God never intended evil or death to be part of the human experience but when terrible things do happen we have a choice on how we respond to those events-we can become bitter, hopelessly depressed or in honour of those we have lost we can go on and live the lives they would have wanted us to have. I have cancer and I choose to live fully each day so this comes from real practice and is not just empty words.

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herselfathome | Apr 11, 2012, 06:39 PM EDT

So, now it's a matter of who believes and who does not. I, personally believe that Mr.O'Dowd's insensitivity in making copy out of a young man's death to be unprofessional and wholly unacceptable.

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peterson | Apr 11, 2012, 03:19 PM EDT

I also came from a strong Christian background. I am considered old, but as I look back to times when I questioned God's decisions regarding my loved ones and myself, I now realize that there is a reason for everything and one of these actually saved my life !!

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ChipperT | Apr 11, 2012, 01:35 PM EDT

Niall, I came from a strong Christian background and grew to where I am today, a devout agnostic. Thank you for this series of articles about your dear nephew and your journey through this tragedy. You have truly written from the heart and my opinion is that this series is among the best I have ever read. Thank you for this final article as well. You have summed up what I feel as well. Peace be with you.

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