Marriage Equality is a victory for us all
By: Cahir O'Doherty | Published Wednesday, August 24, 2011, 2:37 PM | Updated Friday, September 9, 2011, 10:24 PM
Last night, moments after the New York State Legislature and Governor Cuomo delivered marriage equality, my Facebook and Twitter feeds exploded.
Stoic friends, not given to public outbursts, admitted they were weeping. Outside of my window the Empire State Building was suddenly rainbow colored in celebration. It's been a long time since I've seen such widespread outpourings of sheer joy in New York City.
A series of tweets from Speaker Christine Quinn - named by The New York Observer this week as the number one most powerful gay person in New York City - made my night:
'I can't really describe what this feels like,' Quinn wrote, 'but it's one of the best feelings I've ever had in my life.'
Earlier she added: 'What this marriage equality vote does for me is important, but what this does for gay children is indescribable.'
She's right about that. A new generation of gay teenagers will now grow up in a world where their relationships don't automatically subject them to insult, violence, contempt and legal peril.
Just think for a minute what a remarkable change that is for them. They no longer need to live their lives anticipating the next outrage to their personhood or destiny. They can live free and equal in this remarkable city and state.
Some see this change as foundational, or as an unspecified ominous threat to their own rights. They were given ample opportunity to argue their case, and they lost on the merits.
It's foolish to battle against human love and expect to win - and that's what this squabble is about ultimately - and that's why marriage equality has always prevailed in the end. So we should savor this victory for what it tells us about the human heart and spirit.
Gay people are embedded in culture in a way that no other minority is: we're your friends, co-workers, nephews, sons and daughters. If you strip us of equality you're going to hear about it more intimately than most.
There's work ahead. DOMA is still the law of the land and it invalidates marriage equality at the federal level. Married gay couples will still not be permitted to file their federal taxes jointly. They will have no immigration rights whatsoever. The disparities are clear and they must be settled.
But in the end it's love, and not law books, that make a good marriage. Believe me I already know what a happy marriage looks like, I've been in one for fourteen years.
Now, finally, I can make it official.
(And to those of you still on the fence, take heart - if you're still not sure how you feel about gay marriage, might I suggest you make an effort to attend one? It's gay pride weekend in New York City, there'll be no shortage of opportunities to swing an invite).
New York has taught me many things, including there's nothing like proximity to make good neighbors of us all.
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.hollabackgurl | Jul 07, 2011, 11:33 PM EDT
casualMBA - at what age -when did you choose your heterosexual lifestyle? Were exclusively homosexual before you did? After choosing the straight lifestyle did you refrain from foisting it on others? Or did you parade it in front of impressionable teens with obvious public displays of affection and wedding bands? Did you know that it's a largely dysfunctional lifestyle and that heterosexual marriage has a shocking 50% failure rate? That's an unhealthy statistic no matter how you slice it. Perhaps you'd be better off strengthening your own marriage than lamenting your neighbor's decision to do the same.
hollabackgurl | Jul 07, 2011, 11:27 PM EDT
I was taught that marriage was a binding legal contract between two consenting adults that enjoy the legal protections it affords. You sound like you need to go to confession, FGilfeather - but kindly keep your nose out of your neighbors affairs.
FGilfeather | Jun 27, 2011, 09:23 PM EDT
We were taught that marriage was sacrament. What kind of sacrament comes out of two gays saying, "I do? N. Y. is only one of five states to recognize gay marriage. Twenty nine states have laws against it. Most referendums opposed gay marriage. New York needs to go to confession.
maloney | Jun 27, 2011, 08:50 PM EDT
Cahir said "a victory for us all". The all he was talking about was for the gblt only. He does not include hetero conservatives or moderates as part of the human race. His deleting of posts giving congrats to the NY gay community from the right is proof of it. A hand offered should be welcomed, not spit in and slapped away.
Suivness10 | Jun 27, 2011, 12:28 PM EDT
Dear Mr. O'Doherty, Invite me to the wedding; I am NOT kidding. I would be more than honoured. And I'm in NY. This legislation is a light of sanity in a very often chaotic world. I only hope that you will feel as wonderful as I did on my wedding day, so many years ago.
SingleDonald | Jun 27, 2011, 12:27 PM EDT
So long as gay marriage has been sanctioned in New York, I would also like to see a strengthening of anti discrimination laws/court rulings concerning consensual dating, in the workplace. I have long felt that a private employer "prohibiting" his employees from going out, after work, is violating their Civil Rights. If the employer is a public agency, you can add Constitutional Rights to the equation. The only exceptions should be where adults and minors are involved (and I don't mean an 18 year old seeing a 16 year old), or the psychologist/patient relationship. New York's Public Law 201-D was intended to address this matter, as it prohibited an employer from taking adverse action over "outside recreational activities". However, Walmart won a decision in January, 1995, when N.Y.'s Court of Appeals ruled that dating is not a "recreational activity". I realize that very few employers attempt to enforce such a draconian rule, in the modern world. Also, many of those who do have such a "rule" only enforce it if true sexual harassment takes place. However, the mere attempt to regulate consensual dating, be it straight or gay, strikes me as a meddling and paternalistic practice, which no employer should engage in.
casualMBA | Jun 27, 2011, 12:23 PM EDT
Well, hoolabackgurl, since "you's" are being slapped into sentences along with "irrational prejudice and bigotry," perhaps it's worth a correction. While I am to be extolling to my grandchildren the value added benefits of lowest STD's among lesbians, I might also mention, from a SOCIETAL survival standpoint(hence the term "ultimately,") gay relationships are "dysfunctional." Were we all gay, where would society's future be? Petri dishes, I suppose, may disprove my observation. Darwin thought reproduction had some value. I also noted, hollabackgurl, America is pluralistic - i.e., can certainly accommodate gay lifestyle preferences. My main point is (and this, I submit, is not bigotry) do NOT foist such a lifestyle upon heterosexual families, or their struggling for identity teenagers!
sharlot | Jun 27, 2011, 10:54 AM EDT
I fully support anyone's right to love whomever they want; I do believe, however that one man one woman= marriage; children deserve the very best situation to be raised in, which is a mother and a father; of course there is early parental death, unfortunate divorce, etc, but the ideal, the norm, in a famly headed by a man and woman, each with such unique perspectives, ways of looking at and dealing with the world. Civil unions should serve the needs of gay people-just no children, please!
hollabackgurl | Jun 27, 2011, 09:22 AM EDT
P.S. You never had a gay friend in your life, casualMBA. Ten seconds of your b.s. would have been enough for most heterosexuals too, by the way.
hollabackgurl | Jun 27, 2011, 09:21 AM EDT
Actually, casualMBA, it's irrational prejudice and bigotry that is dysfunctional. I'm calling you dysfunctional, and I believe you are. How dare you tell your neighbor who they can and can not love. Who do you think you are? Heterosexuality is responsible for the widest transmission of sexually transmitted diseases in the world. Lesbians have the lowest rate of STD's - clearly, by your argument, they are God's chosen people. Tell us, by the way, when you decided to become heterosexual. I imagine you were homosexual until you made that lifestyle choice, right?
casualMBA | Jun 26, 2011, 10:13 PM EDT
I had a gay friend who, had he lived, would certainly have been celebrating today what he would think of as "equality." Much as I would wish him no ill will, I would disagree with him. Religion and religious belief aside, from a societal standpoint, gay relationships are ultimately "dyfunctional" - unless, of course, we are talking of China, or India, with over 1.2 billion people each. The U.S., in its strength, is a pluaristic society. There is space for gays. A warm welcome to you, though the majority, by de facto choice, does not agree with you. Participate fully in society. We have plurality here. But do not expect or demand of the majority, privileges, not rights, accorded to, and intended for, couples meeting a societal need - i.e., new citizens. Your school taxes are welcome, but respect the social distance sought by parents from gay would-be role models extolling the gay lifestyle choice. This is would say to my friend, though I would - and, here, this silly thing called "love' interferes - want him an active Uncle in my children's lives.
Aronlee | Jun 26, 2011, 10:08 PM EDT
I think the "Government for the People of the People and by the People" Should have the vote for this subject. Not a bunch of stuffed shirt men who only care if they can get the next vote and could care less about the majority's interest! SHAME ON NEW YORK!
maloney | Jun 26, 2011, 07:22 PM EDT
eiriamach..funny you should mention "It would be nice to read congratulations" from the other side, conservatives. I did just that yesterday and IC deleted my post. I wonder what was the reason or motivation behind IC finding my congrats unacceptable and unwanted? I would like an answer from IC or opinions from readers or I will be left to draw my own conclusions.
pwherman | Jun 26, 2011, 12:06 PM EDT
the people should be voting on this...not politicians who are mostly in it for what they can get for themselves....
pwherman | Jun 26, 2011, 12:04 PM EDT
shame on NY
JohnKinMD | Jun 26, 2011, 11:34 AM EDT
Cuomo is just looking for votes when he runs for higher office nothing more.
hollabackgurl | Jun 26, 2011, 08:33 AM EDT
Of course sharlot is not right. It's idiotic to suggest that giving a loving couple the right to form a legal union somehow harms society. Sharlot should think with her head and not her lower intestines.
barneyjo | Jun 26, 2011, 08:14 AM EDT
@sharlot - you may be right, but at least you should also be open to the possibility that you may not!!
sharlot | Jun 26, 2011, 07:56 AM EDT
I think it is just another step on the road to society's ultimate demise--"anything goes" "if it feels good, do it"---very sad, in my estimation.
olovely | Jun 25, 2011, 11:56 PM EDT
Re: jobs. Well this change should add billions to the New York wedding industry and the tourist industry (you can come from any other state and get married there). The Four Seasons, for example, must be thrilled at the all extra business coming their way soon.
JimMcGarity | Jun 25, 2011, 11:45 PM EDT
You think so. I am so happy for them. I hope they got jobs because everyone has time for this but no time to get the USA going again.
ciarrai | Jun 25, 2011, 11:19 PM EDT
Two people of the same sex get married. How is this supposed to adversely effect me and the society at large? It is of no importance that homosexuals will be allowed to marry. It is of great importance that some seem to think will have some huge impact on them and society. What a waste of time.
olovely | Jun 25, 2011, 10:40 PM EDT
Christianity is the belief that an infinitely-old, all-knowing being, powerful enough to create the entire Universe and its billions of unreachable galaxies, somehow has a personal interest in your private sex life. That's ludicrous.
barneyjo | Jun 25, 2011, 08:47 PM EDT
@Trealach - re your comment "The US can now look forward to a generation at least, of men buggering children and children of the same sex buggering each other - it has legalised Paedophilia. Welcome to the epi-centre and axis of evil" where the Catholic Church leads, others are bound to follow!!
olovely | Jun 25, 2011, 06:22 PM EDT
It's pretty obvious some people use GOD as a proxy for their anti-gay murder fantasies.
eiriamach | Jun 25, 2011, 06:09 PM EDT
mamaginnty, I think that religion is just one of the weapons used by people who are already inclined to trash anyone who's different from them. My pastor, an ECUSA priest, is in a gay marriage. He is one of the most brilliant men I've ever known, does a great homily on how to live right, and is great with people. His congregation is small, mostly 60-something with one lady just celebrating her 104th birthday last week, and they all energize each other. They're welcoming people with inspiring stories to tell about their lives. Enough people like that could transform the world, so I still have some faith in religion. I'd just like to know why the Trealach types use the Irish Central blogs to trash other people and ruin it for some. It's inhospitable, to say the least. Maybe they just can't find a better class of people to hang around with, and they think they need to be nasty to get some attention.
mamaginnty | Jun 25, 2011, 05:31 PM EDT
Reading the hate comments below I am begining to think....Religion is the route of all evil. Trealach... make sure you have confession before you pass away to where ever you think your going. You too will have to repent.
eiriamach | Jun 25, 2011, 04:40 PM EDT
Wow! Look at the ranting below-- "axis of evil," "relativism, debasement, perversity," "Satan is alive and well," "the end to our society," and then someone throws in "trashy movies"-- and they really have sooooo much to complain about! Thank God these are only words, and they're not carting in a load of hay to pile around the stake in the town square, where the bishop is waiting to strike a match to the local witches. It could be worse than just words! These are the last sputtering gasps of the diehard homophobes who know fewer and fewer people will put up with their mean-spiritedness, in public anyway. It's too bad they could not manage a little sportsmanship at the end of the game. It would be nice to read "Congratulations, Cahir, and have a great celebration!" :}
WoundedKnee | Jun 25, 2011, 04:34 PM EDT
"A victory for us all". What a stupid and arrogant headline. It's not a victory for me.
CHRISMICK | Jun 25, 2011, 03:56 PM EDT
TREALACH,GOOD SHOW.I KNOW THERE IS A THING CALLED FREEDOM OF PRESS BUT I HAVE ISSUES WITH IRISH TIMES EVEN PRINTING THIS NEWS??THIS IS THE SAME CRAP YOU SEE ON TV.OUR FORE FATHERS MUST BE VERY PROUD OF US DESTROYING EVERYTHING THAT WAS RIGHT.GOD HELP US.
PiperMac52 | Jun 25, 2011, 03:52 PM EDT
Marraige equality a victory for us all? No it is not. It is a victory for moral relativism, debasement, perversity, calling evil good/good evil...Redefining an institution that has been the cornerstone of the family and survival of the species since the dawn of man can bring no good. Equality based on a disordered sexual preference is a MISNOMER. Yes, Satan is alive and well and making much progress. And yes, he does exist.
peterson | Jun 25, 2011, 02:42 PM EDT
Trealach --- You are absolutely correct. Satan is ruling during this period as predicted in the Bible. This along with the trashy movies and television, and lack of good parenting is destroying this generation.
Trealach | Jun 25, 2011, 02:04 PM EDT
When a mentally perverse person or persons try to claim that "Marriage is a victory for us all" it merely emphasises the perverse delusion under which they try to live. They have only themselves convinced that they are "equal" to heterosexuals, which is yet another mental perversion. They rant that heterosexual couples can't "ram their values down their throat", values held by society since time began, yet, the the queers of this world are more than willing to ram their perversion on society, and DEMAND that they are "equal". Marriage, is a Sacrament ordained by God, for the procreation of children - something these perverts will never be able to achieve. God is NOT exclusive to the Catholic Church, yet these queers who endorse the US Constitution defy that very God, in whom they allegedly TRUST, by their perverse ACTIONS! All that this sick legislation has done is to drive the US further down the slippery slope of perdition. The US can now look forward to a generation at least, of men buggering children and children of the same sex buggering each other - it has legalised Paedophilia. Welcome to the epi-centre and axis of evil.
lokionline | Jun 25, 2011, 01:43 PM EDT
Marriage is and always has been a contract between two people, often as an expression of a family alliance. It is often blessed by some religious representative but that has never been an essential element of the contract. The idea of marriage as something that belongs only to religious folks has always struck me as very misguided.
olovely | Jun 25, 2011, 01:39 PM EDT
Seanskelligs, I am sure you are FULL of contempt for a lot of people. I hope the gay people who always had the right to marry people of the opposite sex marry your family members. Personally I deplore bigots who are full of contempt for their neighbors and I'd rather live beside a 1000 homosexuals than one of you.
AengusOg | Jun 25, 2011, 12:40 PM EDT
Marriage should become an ecclesiastical term. Gays and Hetros should be equally entitled to a civil partnership, one law for all. Marriage should be a religious ceremony with no standing in a court of law unless the marriage is registered with civil authorities as a partnership. Governments need only get rid of the 'marriage license' and replace it with a partnership agreement. There has been enough divisiveness, let's move on.
seanskelligs | Jun 25, 2011, 11:32 AM EDT
I dont think this is equality-it is the granting of an extra right to gay preople who always had the right to marry a member of the opposite sex. It is my choice whether I have contempt for gay people or not so dont presume there will not be contempt in the future. Personally I deplore this legislation and will continue to hold the same views I always have of gay people.
SCVMal | Jun 25, 2011, 11:00 AM EDT
joreilly, ignorance is your choice. What the hell does sexual orientation have to do with health care? Who is responsible for ALL of the children in orphanages and foster care? Who are the rapists and the pedophiles? This improves our social systems because it grants freedom and "...liberty and justice to all.", in NY at least!
joreilly | Jun 25, 2011, 10:29 AM EDT
This is the beginning of the end to our society !!!What a message this sends to our children that homosexuality is OK !! Didn't anybody consider the burden this is going to put on our social systems? Not to mention our Health Insurence Premiums. WE ARE IN DEEP DOO-DOO......
hollabackgurl | Jun 25, 2011, 09:52 AM EDT
No one is 'pushing' their values on you, please have the courtesy to do likewise.
kelauggie1 | Jun 25, 2011, 09:51 AM EDT
Please do not push your values on me - and do not tell me how to think. I do not agree that this is good for all - so you can call your comments a liberal editorial, and I will call my opinion right for me.