Marriage Equality is a victory for us all
Posted on Saturday, June 25, 2011 at 10:13 AM
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Stoic friends, not given to public outbursts, admitted they were weeping. Outside of my window the Empire State Building was suddenly rainbow colored in celebration. It's been a long time since I've seen such widespread outpourings of sheer joy in New York City.
A series of tweets from Speaker Christine Quinn - named by The New York Observer this week as the number one most powerful gay person in New York City - made my night:
'I can't really describe what this feels like,' Quinn wrote, 'but it's one of the best feelings I've ever had in my life.'
Earlier she added: 'What this marriage equality vote does for me is important, but what this does for gay children is indescribable.'
She's right about that. A new generation of gay teenagers will now grow up in a world where their relationships don't automatically subject them to insult, violence, contempt and legal peril.
Just think for a minute what a remarkable change that is for them. They no longer need to live their lives anticipating the next outrage to their personhood or destiny. They can live free and equal in this remarkable city and state.
Some see this change as foundational, or as an unspecified ominous threat to their own rights. They were given ample opportunity to argue their case, and they lost on the merits.
It's foolish to battle against human love and expect to win - and that's what this squabble is about ultimately - and that's why marriage equality has always prevailed in the end. So we should savor this victory for what it tells us about the human heart and spirit.
Gay people are embedded in culture in a way that no other minority is: we're your friends, co-workers, nephews, sons and daughters. If you strip us of equality you're going to hear about it more intimately than most.
There's work ahead. DOMA is still the law of the land and it invalidates marriage equality at the federal level. Married gay couples will still not be permitted to file their federal taxes jointly. They will have no immigration rights whatsoever. The disparities are clear and they must be settled.
But in the end it's love, and not law books, that make a good marriage. Believe me I already know what a happy marriage looks like, I've been in one for fourteen years.
Now, finally, I can make it official.
(And to those of you still on the fence, take heart - if you're still not sure how you feel about gay marriage, might I suggest you make an effort to attend one? It's gay pride weekend in New York City, there'll be no shortage of opportunities to swing an invite).
New York has taught me many things, including there's nothing like proximity to make good neighbors of us all.
41 Comments
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hollabackgurl | Jul 07, 2011, 11:27 PM EDT
I was taught that marriage was a binding legal contract between two consenting adults that enjoy the legal protections it affords. You sound like you need to go to confession, FGilfeather - but kindly keep your nose out of your neighbors affairs.
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FGilfeather | Jun 27, 2011, 09:23 PM EDT
We were taught that marriage was sacrament. What kind of sacrament comes out of two gays saying, "I do? N. Y. is only one of five states to recognize gay marriage. Twenty nine states have laws against it. Most referendums opposed gay marriage. New York needs to go to confession.
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maloney | Jun 27, 2011, 08:50 PM EDT
Cahir said "a victory for us all". The all he was talking about was for the gblt only. He does not include hetero conservatives or moderates as part of the human race. His deleting of posts giving congrats to the NY gay community from the right is proof of it. A hand offered should be welcomed, not spit in and slapped away.
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Suivness10 | Jun 27, 2011, 12:28 PM EDT
Dear Mr. O'Doherty,
Invite me to the wedding; I am NOT kidding. I would be more than honoured. And I'm in NY. This legislation is a light of sanity in a very often chaotic world. I only hope that you will feel as wonderful as I did on my wedding day, so many years ago.
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SingleDonald | Jun 27, 2011, 12:27 PM EDT
So long as gay marriage has been sanctioned in New York, I would also like to see a strengthening of anti discrimination laws/court rulings concerning consensual dating, in the workplace. I have long felt that a private employer "prohibiting" his employees from going out, after work, is violating their Civil Rights. If the employer is a public agency, you can add Constitutional Rights to the equation. The only exceptions should be where adults and minors are involved (and I don't mean an 18 year old seeing a 16 year old), or the psychologist/patient relationship. New York's Public Law 201-D was intended to address this matter, as it prohibited an employer from taking adverse action over "outside recreational activities". However, Walmart won a decision in January, 1995, when N.Y.'s Court of Appeals ruled that dating is not a "recreational activity". I realize that very few employers attempt to enforce such a draconian rule, in the modern world. Also, many of those who do have such a "rule" only enforce it if true sexual harassment takes place. However, the mere attempt to regulate consensual dating, be it straight or gay, strikes me as a meddling and paternalistic practice, which no employer should engage in.
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casualMBA | Jun 27, 2011, 12:23 PM EDT
Well, hoolabackgurl, since "you's" are being slapped into sentences along with "irrational prejudice and bigotry," perhaps it's worth a correction. While I am to be extolling to my grandchildren the value added benefits of lowest STD's among lesbians, I might also mention, from a SOCIETAL survival standpoint(hence the term "ultimately,") gay relationships are "dysfunctional." Were we all gay, where would society's future be? Petri dishes, I suppose, may disprove my observation. Darwin thought reproduction had some value. I also noted, hollabackgurl, America is pluralistic - i.e., can certainly accommodate gay lifestyle preferences. My main point is (and this, I submit, is not bigotry) do NOT foist such a lifestyle upon heterosexual families, or their struggling for identity teenagers!
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sharlot | Jun 27, 2011, 10:54 AM EDT
I fully support anyone's right to love whomever they want; I do believe, however that one man one woman= marriage; children deserve the very best situation to be raised in, which is a mother and a father; of course there is early parental death, unfortunate divorce, etc, but the ideal, the norm, in a famly headed by a man and woman, each with such unique perspectives, ways of looking at and dealing with the world. Civil unions should serve the needs of gay people-just no children, please!
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hollabackgurl | Jun 27, 2011, 09:22 AM EDT
P.S. You never had a gay friend in your life, casualMBA. Ten seconds of your b.s. would have been enough for most heterosexuals too, by the way.
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hollabackgurl | Jun 27, 2011, 09:21 AM EDT
Actually, casualMBA, it's irrational prejudice and bigotry that is dysfunctional. I'm calling you dysfunctional, and I believe you are. How dare you tell your neighbor who they can and can not love. Who do you think you are? Heterosexuality is responsible for the widest transmission of sexually transmitted diseases in the world. Lesbians have the lowest rate of STD's - clearly, by your argument, they are God's chosen people. Tell us, by the way, when you decided to become heterosexual. I imagine you were homosexual until you made that lifestyle choice, right?
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casualMBA | Jun 26, 2011, 10:13 PM EDT
I had a gay friend who, had he lived, would certainly have been celebrating today what he would think of as "equality." Much as I would wish him no ill will, I would disagree with him. Religion and religious belief aside, from a societal standpoint, gay relationships are ultimately "dyfunctional" - unless, of course, we are talking of China, or India, with over 1.2 billion people each. The U.S., in its strength, is a pluaristic society. There is space for gays. A warm welcome to you, though the majority, by de facto choice, does not agree with you. Participate fully in society. We have plurality here. But do not expect or demand of the majority, privileges, not rights, accorded to, and intended for, couples meeting a societal need - i.e., new citizens. Your school taxes are welcome, but respect the social distance sought by parents from gay would-be role models extolling the gay lifestyle choice. This is would say to my friend, though I would - and, here, this silly thing called "love' interferes - want him an active Uncle in my children's lives.
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Aronlee | Jun 26, 2011, 10:08 PM EDT
I think the "Government for the People of the People and by the People" Should have the vote for this subject. Not a bunch of stuffed shirt men who only care if they can get the next vote and could care less about the majority's interest! SHAME ON NEW YORK!
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maloney | Jun 26, 2011, 07:22 PM EDT
eiriamach..funny you should mention "It would be nice to read congratulations" from the other side, conservatives. I did just that yesterday and IC deleted my post. I wonder what was the reason or motivation behind IC finding my congrats unacceptable and unwanted? I would like an answer from IC or opinions from readers or I will be left to draw my own conclusions.
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pwherman | Jun 26, 2011, 12:06 PM EDT
the people should be voting on this...not politicians who are mostly in it for what they can get for themselves....
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pwherman | Jun 26, 2011, 12:04 PM EDT
shame on NY
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