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| Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols (David Rose) |
Love, real and enduring love, is exceptionally hard to find. It’s a miraculous flowering that happens in this otherwise coldly indifferent world.
It’s what we live for, love. It’s what creates many of us, it’s what ultimately defines us and it’s certain it’s all that remains of us.
For one reason and another, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about love. Decades of my time, actually, contemplating it. The fate of love, in particular, has always fascinated me above anything else.
Let’s face it -- most of life is like a visit to a dentist’s office. There are the impersonal stares of all the strangers around us, the receptionist’s interest in making sure we pay, and there’s the internal battle to remain positive faced with the faint dread of what could happen. This is how most of us live.
Given that it is, it’s no wonder we spend so much time in pursuit of a deeper connection.
Not everyone shares my enthusiasm about love, I realize. This week I read that the archbishop of Westminster, Vincent Nichols, announced that if employees want to keep their jobs as teachers in Catholic schools in Britain, they should not marry divorcees, or get married in registry offices, or enter into any other kind of legal civil ceremonies (such as civil partnerships) that do not meet with the Catholic Church’s approval.
Apart from its bracing fundamentalism, that directive is remarkable for its cruelty. Does the archbishop actually believe there is such a surfeit of love in this world that we can cheerfully prescribe how we encounter it?
This stark directive from the archbishop takes aim at both heterosexuals and homosexuals and tells them bluntly that falling for a divorcee or marrying in a borough hall or signing a civil union will not only be disapproved of, it will now get them fired.
A spokesman for the archbishop told the Sunday Times, “The expectation is that school leaders and those who aspire to leadership positions will make substantive life choices that are in conformity with the gospel and the teaching of the Catholic Church.”
Well that’s tidy, isn’t it? Just conform to the church’s increasingly rigid interpretation of the gospel and make the life choice to say goodbye to the person you happen to love.
It’s what Jesus would ask of you, we feel certain. Who could possibly object to that?
I object, but I know there are a lot of people who feel differently. There are many people who put fidelity to an idea, or faith in a theology, over the untidy realities of our daily lives.
They prefer biting rules to wiggle room. They reject what the poet Michal Longley calls the drunkenness of things being various in favor of the sobriety of a command.
These people fascinate me. In particular their search for clarity, their search for order, at the expense of the complicating insights of their head and heart, at the expense of human experience itself, fascinate me.
All my life I have watched the myriad ways in which otherwise principled people end up saying no to life. Saying no, that is, to the very thing that will save them.
Because their salvation came at the wrong time, or because the person that offered it was the wrong race, or they had the wrong social or religious background, or the wrong gender, or they once said the wrong thing.
Saying no to life, saying no to love, is no small thing. It takes very considerable effort.
It is an exceptionally hard bargain that many people make in anticipation of a later reward (perhaps as late as after life). Once you’ve done it, once you’ve said no to life, which is also saying no to love, both life and love tend to say no right back to you. Often till the end of your days.
This is inevitable, because, as I said, there is so very little love in the world to begin with.
I’ve watched it happen. I have seen people around me possessed by an idea at the expense of own their head and heart.
They will exchange what they think and feel for something they have been told and then tell others. Believing they can do no harm, because they stand for good, they can make loveless wastelands of their own lives.
And here’s one of the things I have learned from watching them -- the hallmark of freedom is generosity, just as the hallmark of love is kindness.
If you can’t find either in the way you’re living or in the way that someone is asking you to live, that’s your first clue you’re going in the wrong direction.
51 Comments
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.Joe Glackin | Feb 09, 2013, 04:18 PM EST
I cannot see what business the Church has in civil matters regarding legal affairs , unless it infringes on clerical, ecclesiastical or society issues . However all Churches have a responsibility to Society, in administering and protecting the Spiritual welfare of its congregations. Birth ,Marriage and death etc are of high importance to life and the Government’s duty is protection . The Churches responsibility is our Spiritual welfare. All of this is under threat by undermining the Churches teachings on Spiritual principles. The Government also has similar regarding its administration of law and order. Both Church and State cannot leave themselves in a position of vulnerability, by allowing their core values submit to minority/ majority self-aspirations. The government can operate on this by its Democratic process. The Church cant, even though many changes have taken place. They cannot do much regarding its principles on birth ,marriage and death. When this issue of Gay marriage, which goes against core Church values and civil legalities by its wording , creates unnecessary division . Straight away this above article attacks the Catholic Church on “love “ as an underhanded way for support, by manipulating emotions for their Marriage crusade. I see no problem in striving and obtaining a civil union to cover all this. Their commitment, legal rights as partners, etc would be well protected. But no ,challenge the Church etc and force them into civil concerns regarding Society and Spiritual issues.Would it not suit these people better to put their energies into protesting the executions in Iran or injustices elsewhere? It seems better to play victims of a so called injustice and blame the Church etc. I wonder how they would view the Catholic Church ,s ignorance regarding “love “ by Iran,s reception, to them holding hands ,blowing whistles etc.
eiriamach | Feb 06, 2013, 03:56 PM EST
And people who bang on about divine judgment and the flames of hell awaiting liberals seem to be those who enjoy raking up demons and hellfire. They might take a hint from Dante Alighieri, who knew the circles of hell like the back of his hand. He warned that in this life we practice for the role we'll have in the afterlife.
olovely | Feb 06, 2013, 08:31 AM EST
The people who bang on about God's love never seem to have much time for human love, do they?
Joe Glackin | Feb 05, 2013, 09:27 PM EST
Strange this thread will not allow any comment that wont better their biased dribble
SingleDonald | Feb 05, 2013, 04:41 PM EST
Stories like this really make me depressed! As all know, I don't believe any employer has the right to "dictate" who may go out with who, after work. While this edict is not that restrictive, it does attempt to meddle in the romantic lives of it's employees. I know I'd be up in arms if I was told that I couldn't marry a gal who had been divorced!
anglo-norman | Feb 04, 2013, 10:16 PM EST
falconflash- So you know what God thinks?
falconflash | Feb 04, 2013, 10:06 PM EST
Hollabuckgirl....eventually we will all be judged as individuals. God could, in fact, forgive some of the people you despise. That is between the individual and God. Somehow if He does, I think you'd be mad at God. Try to develop a hobby or get some exercise as you are obsessed with the Church and are blind to some of the good things IT STANDS FOR.
falconflash | Feb 04, 2013, 10:06 PM EST
Hollabuckgirl....eventually we will all be judged as individuals. God could, in fact, forgive some of the people you despise. That is between the individual and God. Somehow if He does, I think you'd be mad at God. Try to develop a hobby or get some exercise as you are obsessed with the Church and are blind to some of the good things IT STANDS FOR.
falconflash | Feb 04, 2013, 10:06 PM EST
Hollabuckgirl....eventually we will all be judged as individuals. God could, in fact, forgive some of the people you despise. That is between the individual and God. Somehow if He does, I think you'd be mad at God. Try to develop a hobby or get some exercise as you are obsessed with the Church and are blind to some of the good things IT STANDS FOR.
Seanmor | Feb 04, 2013, 08:39 PM EST
A sentence in the middle of the article mentions Jesus. That reminds me of the answer our Savior gave when asked about divorce (which was permitted in His day under Jewish law). This was Jesus' answer: "A man shall leave his father and mother and cleve to his wife...". Should we ignore and reject the teachings of Jesus Christ and find it acceptable for every Jane, Kate and Mary to jump into bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry?
Smyrnian | Feb 04, 2013, 08:32 PM EST
Olovely - it is not by far the universal experience you hope for. Not by far. Get over it. My personal experience was shared by a great many and it was caring and nurturing by the wonderful and incredibly Catholic clergy you hate do much.
olovely | Feb 04, 2013, 08:00 PM EST
Some people? You realize that preventing loving couples (heterosexual and homosexual) from forming unions, and living in a world where they find dignity and peace, is one of the Church's mission? It's not 'some people' it's the official teaching. No conservative ever wants to admit the church is standing in the way of love. Because that's exactly what it is doing.
Smyrnian | Feb 04, 2013, 05:08 PM EST
Holla - I understand very well what some people of the Church have done. I feel badly about it, I am distressed about it, I wish it never happened but I also know the Church has done much good which should never be eclipsed by the bad. I was in Catholic schools 15 years; altar boy 6 years: boarding school, different religious such as brothers and nuns and I never saw or heard or even suspected anything immoral, incorrect or untoward. So, come on, don't denounce everyone. I remember so much good and such great religious people. It's sad this is never I acknowledged. .
AlunPalmer | Feb 04, 2013, 04:59 PM EST
Sounds like a lovely law suit waiting to be started.
hollabackgurl | Feb 04, 2013, 04:54 PM EST
The people inside the gates have done a pretty good job of creating Hell themselves though. That's the problem you don't want to discuss, isn't it falconflash, so you hide behind empty platitudes instead.
falconflash | Feb 04, 2013, 12:19 PM EST
anglo norman, this is the Church Jesus founded and He said in dealing with people of your ilk: ...."and the gates of hell will not overcome it."
johnshiel | Feb 04, 2013, 09:48 AM EST
smyrnian: maybe "what's left of the irish"?
paddyh1 | Feb 04, 2013, 09:35 AM EST
When I was a child and had the blind faith of a child I loved the church with all my heart. Then I grew up and understood that the church is run by men, human beings, who purport to know what "God wants". I'm sure that God wanted the church to hide and cover up the abuse of thousands of innocent children, and they're trying to tell us how to live our lives?? They may be priests and bishops but they're still just men.
hollabackgurl | Feb 04, 2013, 08:35 AM EST
The Catholic Church has been doing a standup job of bashing itself, with scandals, abuse crisis, and its arrogant response - to become increasingly hardline, and promote the secrecy that allowed abuse to thrive. People like Smyrnian puzzle me. They haven't much appetite for looking a crisis in the face.
Smyrnian | Feb 04, 2013, 07:50 AM EST
IC exists to bash Catholics. Just the way it is. It also exists to promote abortion as well as many other lefty views and causes. There is nothing 'Central' about this site; it is way left of Central. Should be called 'Irish Left'.
RobinForester | Feb 04, 2013, 12:25 AM EST
May I add the warning voice message, you have AC/DC, male/female, and invariably Public Christian / Hidden Devil in the same person. So, show me a christian and try to understand why I can't get away from them quickly enough, there theme song should be the Platters song group hit "Yes, I'm the Great Pretender" .....
anglo-norman | Feb 04, 2013, 12:00 AM EST
And Ken nobody here has bashed Jesus Christ regarding the catholic thing, don't be over dramatic son..
anglo-norman | Feb 03, 2013, 11:55 PM EST
It's Vatican bashing really not individual catholics. Ken open your eyes to that corrupt criminal organisation please.
olovely | Feb 03, 2013, 09:17 PM EST
I agree that it's incredibly sad that some religions seek to prevent couples from finding love or safeguarding it under the law.
Frosty38 | Feb 03, 2013, 07:30 PM EST
Are there many catholic in England or GB for that matter.?My church has about 1800 today at one Mass. it is a new church we have 5 in all in the area.
bunchesofun | Feb 03, 2013, 06:26 PM EST
Well said Katieherk, well said.
ballyhip | Feb 03, 2013, 04:24 PM EST
Wow, how topics like this divide us! From a possible discussion of civil liberties it soon descends into strict constructionist versus "liberals" discussing sex. I grew up (Dominican schools all the way) in an era when morality only began from the waist down and giving "scandal" was the operative word. (God, how many lives were ruined by our silence as a corporate body) It would seem that katiemac might have been a classmate. At 71, I admit to being a hedonist. I love the initial attraction, the pursuit, the mayfly dance, and the the mutual pleasure of sex though I am a poster child for ED. As a widower and then a divorcee and a prostrate cancer survivor (and heart attack), I will take my pleasures now, thank you. The "beatific vision" may or may not exist. I will take my chances and, contrary to Cahir, I see love all around me as defined by St. Francis of Assisi, "wishing well for another".
ballyhip | Feb 03, 2013, 04:18 PM EST
Wow, how topics like this divide us! From a possible discussion of civil liberties it soon descends into strict constructionist versus "liberals" discussing sex. I grew up (Dominican schools all the way) in an era when morality only began from the waist down and giving "scandal" was the operative word. (God, how many lives were ruined by our silence as a corporate body) It would seem that katiemac might have been a classmate. At 71, I admit to being a hedonist. I love the initial attraction, the pursuit, the dance, and the the mutual pleasure of sex though I am a poster child for ED. As a widower and then a divorcee and a prostrate cancer survivor (and heart attack), I will take my pleasures now, thank you. The "beatific vision" may or may not exist. I will take my chances and, contrary to Cahir, I see love all around me.
ballyhip | Feb 03, 2013, 04:18 PM EST
Wow, how topics like this divide us! From a possible discussion of civil liberties it soon descends into strict constructionist versus "liberals" discussing sex. I grew up (Dominican schools all the way) in an era when morality only began from the waist down and giving "scandal" was the operative word. (God, how many lives were ruined by our silence as a corporate body) It would seem that katiemac might have been a classmate. At 71, I admit to being a hedonist. I love the initial attraction, the pursuit, the dance, and the the mutual pleasure of sex though I am a poster child for ED. As a widower and then a divorcee and a prostrate cancer survivor (and heart attack), I will take my pleasures now, thank you. The "beatific vision" may or may not exist. I will take my chances and, contrary to Cahir, I see love all around me.
katieherk | Feb 03, 2013, 03:56 PM EST
Another great job of "Catholic bashing". Those are the rules, always have been, always will be. If you don't like it, go someplace else. We're sick of you stupid complainers. The rules are the rules!. And, IC, quit with the Catholic bashing, because those of us who love our faith, are hurt by your constant articles on the same.
anglo-norman | Feb 03, 2013, 03:21 PM EST
Excellent article... How people cannot see through the Catholic Corporation is beyond me.
Ms.Gail | Feb 03, 2013, 01:58 PM EST
I guess if you don't believe what the RC says you must you should select another employer. If the RC schools are the monopoly in a country, citizens should see that is changed, in any case the purported high level scholarship of some such schools is belied by comments seen on IC. BTW, can any of the Bible quoting scholars post what is mentioned in the Good Book about torture and abuse of children, illegal imprisonment and enslavement.
Ms.Gail | Feb 03, 2013, 01:58 PM EST
I guess if you don't believe what the RC says you must you should select another employer. If the RC schools are the monopoly in a country, citizens should see that is changed, in any case the purported high level scholarship of some such schools is belied by comments seen on IC. BTW, can any of the Bible quoting scholars post what is mentioned in the Good Book about torture and abuse of children, illegal imprisonment and enslavement.
Ms.Gail | Feb 03, 2013, 01:57 PM EST
I guess if you don't believe what the RC says you must you should select another employer. If the RC schools are the monopoly in a country, citizens should see that is changed, in any case the purported high level scholarship of some such schools is belied by comments seen on IC. BTW, can any of the Bible quoting scholars post what is mentioned in the Good Book about torture and abuse of children, illegal imprisonment and enslavement.
mreinhar2001 | Feb 03, 2013, 12:42 PM EST
And all along, we thought that it was only in the United States that a private employer would be verbally abused for living up to the private organization's standards. Looks like Cahir has thrown his net back to Britain, too.
pilib04 | Feb 03, 2013, 12:35 PM EST
Sure explains why Sunday mass attendance is down throughout the Britain.
katiemac | Feb 03, 2013, 12:28 PM EST
The usual smarmy, overly-emotional hogwash from Cahir. Son, love doesn't have to equate with sex. The love that meant in theological writings is non-corporeal love of spirit, not the lust of the flesh, or the hedonism so dearly embraced by most of the secular crowd. And just for the record, while you may not love Mother church, she still loves you, Cahir.
citeog | Feb 03, 2013, 11:22 AM EST
Well said, Cahir. Judging by some of the comments you have aroused the zealots and their sharia-like dogma.
CharlieM | Feb 03, 2013, 11:06 AM EST
Cahir, as we already know only too well, wouldn't know the difference between love and lust if it hit him square in the face in a high wind. Oh, and song title in his banner is....well, not exactly Catholic. It was coined by four Brits famous for self-adoration, not proper adoration. But Cahir couldn't be expected to know that either.
PhlutiePhan | Feb 03, 2013, 09:48 AM EST
Duh, good buddy that's a 10-4. The Catholic church does not believe in a 187 to its system. Jesus the Christ spoke in parables and not in gibberish as our present incumbent. According to the Greek langauge, there are various types of love. The Catholic Church stands for the maximum. That is why the Virgin was maximized and not given the due of 100.00 per game NFL cheerleaders. Our culture is failing because of the destruction of motherly love and the "Culture of Death" talked about by JPII. True autism is the rejection of the male fetus/baby with most male homosexuals having the same cause. Hillary and the bois can wax most eleoquent on that one.
Gearoid4 | Feb 03, 2013, 09:31 AM EST
@Citizen, There always been a primeval urge in both men and women from the beginning of time to bond together and procreate. That is why the Creator has endowed each gender with the necessary mental,hormonal and complementary reproductive attributes for this natural activity. The Natural Law encapsulates this reality and thus trumps any posivist laws which try to reverse or undermine it. As the great Roman poet Horace put it: 'You can drive Nature out with a pitchfork, but she'll always come back.'
CitizenWhy | Feb 03, 2013, 08:51 AM EST
Alone among primates, humans do not have estrus, the period of sexual heat in females that calls for sex and procreation. Evolution's elimination of estrus in humans freed humans from sex strictly for procreation. Instead sex could be primarily for creating tender, loving relation ships between two adults. Now what does the the invented theory of Natural Law, supposedly based on reason, say about that? Of course by reason the catholic Church means logic from certain first principles, devised entirely in one's head, ignoring science, ignoring human experience, and having nothing to do with the Bible.
olovely | Feb 02, 2013, 11:54 PM EST
Jesus had a lot to say about men who dare to stand in judgement of their fellow men. "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of dead men's bones and every impurity." Matthew 23:27.
Gearoid4 | Feb 02, 2013, 10:43 PM EST
The killing of an innocent human being just like the slaying of the child in the womb, was regarded as gravely sinful and the moral code against the taking of innocent life was re-iterated in Exodus 20:13, Matthew 19:18, Romans 13:9. So the Catholic religion far from being the man-made cult as you disparagingly call it, is very much in tune with biblical values and will continue to expound them, even if it discomforts some to hear it.
Gearoid4 | Feb 02, 2013, 10:41 PM EST
The killing of an innocent human being just like the slaying of the child in the womb, was regarded as gravely sinful and the moral code against the taking of innocent life was re-iterated in Exodus 20:13, Matthew 19:18, Romans 13:9. So the Catholic religion far from being the man-made cult as you disparagingly call it, is very much in tune with biblical values and will continue to expound them, even if it discomforts some to hear it.
Gearoid4 | Feb 02, 2013, 10:39 PM EST
The Bible is clear enough on it's rejection of homosexual activity as in Leviticus 20:13) and in other passages. As for contraception, the celebration of a woman's fertility can be found in various places in the Bible and barrenness was frowned upon as the following quotes demonstrate: ".Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.."(Psalm 113:9) “Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord. “Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your offspring will possess the nations and will people the desolate cities. “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.."(Isaiah 54:1-17)
Gearoid4 | Feb 02, 2013, 10:38 PM EST
@Eiriamach, You are erroneous in your assertions about the lack of evidence in the Bible for Catholic teachings on certain moral issues. Jesus was unambiguous in His belief that marriage consisted of the union of one man and one woman- 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'(Matthew 19:5)
eiriamach | Feb 02, 2013, 09:29 PM EST
Cahir writes of "the church’s increasingly rigid interpretation of the gospel," and I add again that Catholic teachings against same-sex marriage, homosexuality, contraception, and even abortion have no-- repeat no-- basis in the Gospel. The Gospel speaks strongly against adultery and multiple sex partners, life styles that destroy love. Gearoid is carping again about "Freedom without restraint to do whatever takes our fancy," but loving, faithful partnerships and responsible child-bearing are not unrestrained freedom. They are the essence of freedom, the freedom to choose love and to reject cultic, man-made rules of 'holiness,' for which Jesus repeatedly rebuked the pious but unholy Pharisees and the priestly caste of Sadducees, "loveless wastelands" indeed.
Gearoid4 | Feb 02, 2013, 06:59 PM EST
The Catholic Church was given a mandate by Jesus to preach the truth in and out of season and the bar is high. So it seems that the author of this piece feels that we should lower the bar and ignore the ideals that the Church preaches. Freedom without restraint to do whatever takes our fancy seems to be the gist of his words. Society is living with the outcome of that advice, abortion practically without limits, STDs, spiraling divorce rates, etc. Perhaps it is time for society to call for "time-out" on such advice.
falconflash | Feb 02, 2013, 11:36 AM EST
Teachers are role models. They must be good examples to the young....Recall what Jesus said Mathew 18:6....google it and we will all be careful what we tell kids in our field of influence! Jesus is actually much much tougher on the subject than Archbishop Nichols.
falconflash | Feb 02, 2013, 11:34 AM EST
Teachers are role models. The must be good examples to the young....Recall what Jesus said Mathew 18:6....google it and we will all be careful what we tell kids in our field of influence!