Irish women are marrying down - is this what it takes to get hitched?
By: Jacinta Reilly | Published Tuesday, January 8, 2013, 11:01 PM | Updated Tuesday, January 8, 2013, 11:01 PM
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| Female left on the shelf |
Despite the nightmare that is it to find a man in New York, I have always been safe in the knowledge that I would hopefully find a man at home in Ireland, if all my New York efforts ended in failure.
The longer I am here, the more unlikely it seems that I will find myself a husband in the city that never sleeps, so you can understand my horror when I read Martina Devlin’s column in the
Irish Independent yesterday, outlining that Irish women are “crossing class boundaries” to find love.
“High-achieving Irish women, who are more likely than their male counterparts to enter third-level education, discovered a shortage of men swimming in educational and employment ponds equivalent to theirs. Instead of paddling about on their own feeling blighted, these women looked for partners outside their pool: men who didn't match them academically, or whose jobs weren't regarded as being on a par,” Devlin states.
A good Irish term for it is marrying down.
______________Read More:More Irish dating stories on IrishCentral
Are all Irish men really Momma’s boys? – Gaelic Girls TV asks people on the streets of Dublin - VIDEO Gaelic Girl Mollie: he only women Irish men buy drinks for are prostitutes_______________Reading Devlin’s column, I began thinking about my female friends back in Ireland and realized that her theory is certainly applicable to a few of them.
So should I stay single forever….or settle?
If I moved home in the morning, I doubt there is a man in my home town who would have me at this stage, and on the same level, I don’t think I would like to be had.
In recent years, my father has stopped dropping hints for me to move home and marry a farmer.
Analyzing the 2006 census, Dr Pete Lunn of the ESRI and Prof Tony Fahey of UCD concluded that Irish women are twice as likely to have gained a higher education than men. As a result, they are more focused on their careers than finding men.
I am constantly reminded on my trips back to Ireland that I am ‘still on the shelf’.
But it’s a pretty comfortable shelf and I enjoy the view, not to mention the company of all the other ladies sitting up here with me.
If Irish women are marrying ‘down’, then there is little incentive for me to go home and start looking for the man of my dreams.
It looks like it’s me and shelf for the long haul.
20 Comments
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.Liel | Apr 13, 2013, 05:16 PM EDT
I recommend marrying down because your children will bring you more happiness than any man ever will. You can also find your Mr. Right much later in life (though the sex won't be as good). Find a guy, marry him & have some darling babies.
irishcfii | Apr 04, 2012, 03:08 PM EDT
To all The single ladies out there there are nice single guys out there I may not have a degree or a lot of money, but I have a lot to offer the right woman
Beachdad | Apr 03, 2012, 09:23 PM EDT
As an American, of direct Irish descent, it is refreshing to read there are women out there, who do not worship the almighty dollar, and are looking for meaningful relationships! Now If I could only find one here in Florida? :)
Heather911 | Feb 10, 2012, 10:59 PM EST
My father didn't finish high school, but he raised four kids and took great care of us. He could fix anything you put in front of him so naturally, he learned a lot of trades. I dated a man that had a masters degree in Earth Science. He cared more about a stupid rock formation than he did me. Education doesn't matter, it is how that person takes care of you and treats you that is important. THAT is Real Class!
Samraire | Dec 20, 2011, 09:00 AM EST
lokionline - you hit it! As a single woman with my own home - I could care less if he has a degree, but if he can fix things around my place AND cook?! Wow. I was married to an educated entrepreneur who made loads of money but could not, and would not do a thing to help in the home. So glad we're divorced now. Money does not bring happiness. A shmuck with a degree and a large bank account is still a shmuck.
SingleDonald | Dec 19, 2011, 08:03 PM EST
jamieLM, Thank you! I have a college degree, and worked in a professional capacity, for a State Agency. As I haven't seen this girl since 6/21, of 2nd Grade, I don't know how she presently matches up, to the qualities you mentioned. My aim was for her to agree to see me, and to have us get reaquainted, as 2 adults. Neither of us has ever been married. Her family moved out of the district, at the end of 2nd Grade. On a related subject, a girl I knew in high school considers it a case of "arrested development", to still hold onto feelings for someone . Nothing can be further from the truth. Unless someone puts their life on hold, and fails to pursue others, there is nothing unhealthy in having a "crush" live on, into adulthood. This high school girl, a year younger than me, is now a West Coast psychologist. It seems to me that SHE has a case of arrested development, in not wanting to go out with guys who don't have advanced degrees, or tons of money!
jamieLM | Dec 19, 2011, 10:47 AM EST
@SingleDonald, you sound like a very nice guy with a lot of common sense. I think that sharing common values: family, friends, work, faith, education, decency, honesty, kindness, empathy for others, sense of humor - those kind of things - are what's most important. Does the other person value the things in life that you do? Compatibility and character traits are more than level of education. Merry Christmas to Jacinta and to all the posters.
michaelidaho | Dec 19, 2011, 10:45 AM EST
Jacinta, Do all men a favor and never get married unless you change the paradigm in your head (i.e. college degree "good job" = good catch). See Mairin67, lokionline, IAPRINCESS comments for further insight. They have it right.
Oldwildrover | Dec 18, 2011, 04:57 PM EST
Come on, Jacinta.....show us a photo...let's see what you got ? Maybe we can do the Sinead O'Coonor thing...btw, do you know how is she doing with #4 ?? Actually, on the other hand, the farmers in Ireland are now pretty well off...they are the ones with the big houses now and some of them even have their own helicopters.......happy hunting !!
SingleDonald | Dec 17, 2011, 08:38 PM EST
Very good topic, Jacinta! I don't know this for sure, but I BELIEVE that this is the reason that one of the 75 Most Influential Irish Women in America ignored me. We were classmates in 1st & 2nd Grades (Catholic School), and were born the same month, of the same year. She now runs a successful advertising company. Last year, I retired from a State Agency (Civil Service), and am collecting a pension. It is my belief that me working in Civil Service is what caused her not to acknowledge my contacts. I am extremely pleased with her accomplishments, but would have accepted this grade school flame had she been a waitress today! Women not wanting to marry "down", or even date someone with a job that is less prestigious than theirs is still the norm, I'm sorry to say.
Mairin67 | Dec 16, 2011, 11:48 PM EST
I get what you are saying, Jacinta, but try to remember that a college degree and big job doesn't equal personality, kindness, decency, sense of humor, etc. Some of the smartest people I know do not possess college degrees and some of the biggest a**holes I know, do. A lot of the non degree holders also make way more money than their counterparts because they have more secure/ necessary/unglamorous jobs. I really have come to believe that you should only go for the degree if it gets you a job after (medicine,nursing, education, etc..)Everything else is just useless fluff in the real world.
lokionline | Dec 16, 2011, 08:24 PM EST
Perhaps the terms 'unintended consequences' and 'be careful what you wish for' are appropriate here in view of the effects of the women's movement. My own experience is that women I have encountered have always been far more interested in my ability to cook a good meal or fix the broken car and appliances in their lives then in my graduate studies, or achievements or my income. Most folks want a help-mate in life. The social status or education of that person is of little predictive value in making this choice.
seagreen | Dec 16, 2011, 05:26 PM EST
The colleges and universities are predominitely women now. This is not by accident. Guys are dropping out of college with 3,8 averages, when they realize that they are going nowhere in the job market. Rather than be $80,000 in debt with a degee from a good school, and little prospect of a decent paying job, they are opting for the pickup truck/trailer and starting their window installation business or whatever. Its a better shot than the degree, and looking for a job with your hat in your hand. many of these tradesmen have college degrees, but are not making a living on status.. This is where some of the good catches have gone,,,
IAPRINCESS | Dec 16, 2011, 01:25 PM EST
I married a man not equal to my education and jusst lost him in September to cancer. They were the best years of my life. My first marriage was to an "equal" what a load of crap he was.
RichardP | Dec 16, 2011, 01:08 PM EST
God love you Jacinta - it must terribly distressing to see all those peasants yearning for a look from you.
RichardP | Dec 16, 2011, 01:06 PM EST
Well said SirPeter!
Murph46 | Dec 16, 2011, 11:16 AM EST
Just wanted the lass to know there are always options!
sirpeter | Dec 16, 2011, 10:53 AM EST
Having a higher education is not “crossing class boundaries”To marry a person with less education is also not marrying down.Also having a higher education is not a measure of intelligence.Academic success counts for very little when you meet an all round intelligent person.By your reasoning when most women did not have access to higher education in centuries past or very little education.All men who were educated were marrying down.This certainly was not the case.You can buy an education.Intelligence like stupidity comes for free.
CaptainCon | Dec 16, 2011, 10:26 AM EST
Heh- nice one, Murph46. Must remember that...
Murph46 | Dec 16, 2011, 09:54 AM EST
You can always switch teams and stay in your class!