The Matchmaker by Maureen Tara Nelson
Rules for young widows - what is the appropriate time to wait before starting dating again?
Posted on Tuesday, January 15, 2013 at 05:31 AM
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|When is it the right time to get back to dating?|
I just have a very important question for you. My mom died last year and my dad seems really lonely. My dad is from County Mayo like your family and knows some of your relatives. He asked me last night if I would mind if he started dating someone. He is only 50-years-old and my parents truly loved each other and had a great life together before my mom passed suddenly from a heart attack. On her death bed she told my dad she didn't want him to be alone.
I understand that my dad is still young and should eventually start meeting people, but it's only been a year. What do you recommend is the appropriate time to wait to date after losing a spouse?
Thanks for your help.
And yes, my dad will be coming in to meet you; you are the only Matchmaker he trusts.
- Concerned Daughter.
Dear concerned daughter,
Please accept my sincere apologies for losing your mom. I know how difficult it is for you, since I too lost my mom way too soon...I will say a prayer for you and your dad to help you both get through this very difficult time.
You said your mom passed a year ago. Even though it might seem soon to you, your dad is not used to being alone, and it makes it even harder, the fact that he did have such a loving relationship with your mom.
Typically I say to give yourself six months to grieve a spouse. After six months, if the widower feels lonely and can go out on a date and not constantly think of their lost spouse the entire time, then he or she is ready.
I truly believe God gives us more than one soul mate, and I also believe that life is too short to spend it alone.
Although it's necessary and healthy to grieve, it's also necessary to move to a new chapter in our lives. I call this, "finding love again." It can be hard, but in my program my entire staff are experts especially when it comes to widowers, since their the people that came most often from healthy, loving marriages, and they truly deserve to find love again. Being a widower is actually an advantage in my program and makes it easier to find love again. We all help them every step of the way, as I did with my own father.
When your dad wants to call me for his free consultation, please make sure he tells me that you wrote this question to me. I will take extra special care of him. You can even come on the interview with him. Happy New Year and I hope I get to meet you and your dad soon.
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