The Matchmaker by Maureen Tara Nelson
Overbearing family members causing problems in relationships - keep your nose out of our business
Posted on Monday, June 03, 2013 at 05:54 AM
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My girlfriend and I have a big problem with one of her family members and we really need your help. We've been dating for two years and if her brother wasn't such a huge annoyance, we would have gotten married already. We decided to bring this problem up to you, since we both enjoy your column and would like to hear your thoughts on this issue.
My girlfriend has a great family except for one brother who is gay. We are fine with that fact, but because he doesn't have a family of his own and is single, he is constantly in our business. It is to the point where he seems like he doesn't have a life of his own, and needs to know and give his opinions on everything in our lives. Everything we do he offers his opinions on and we are not asking for his advice.
My girlfriend makes the mistake of allowing her brother to try to control her. If she doesn't agree with what he thinks is right, then it becomes a huge problem. He always thinks he's right and she's wrong. I've told her many times that his constant interference is causing problems in our own lives because I want to tell him to keep out of our business, but she always takes his side since she feels bad since he doesn't have a life of his own.
Please let us know your thoughts. Don't you think I should be able to talk to him and tell him how selfish he is? Or do you think I should just try to forget it and let him continue to hurt her? Thanks for your help.
I understand how you must feel and I think it is normal of you to want to protect your girlfriend. Since I do not know the details of the whole story, it is hard to give you exact advice.
I would suggest that the two of you just concentrate on the positive life you have with each other and stay as far away from his negative influence as possible. Remember, we can choose our friends, not our family. Many couples have to deal with an annoying family member, it is an issue I hear about quite often. In fact, there is usually one negative nelly in everyone's family, but do not allow him to come between you both. Your love for each other should be strong enough to endure this problem especially if you plan on getting married one day. Continue to give your girlfriend your love and support and you should be able to get through this together, as well as all the future bumps in the road that you will also need to face as a couple. I wish your girlfriend a speedy recovery and the best of luck to you both in the future.
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