The Matchmaker by Maureen Tara Nelson
Feeling suffocated by monogamy - settling down and being "a couple" is a battle
Posted on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 at 05:55 AM
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|Struggling with being "a couple"|
I am 24 years old and I really need your advice. I can't ask my mother about this so I really hope you can help me. For quite some time now I have been struggling with the idea of monogamy. I have been seeing someone for over four years but I do not want to put a title on it. I know myself and if we become "a couple" I know I will feel suffocated like I felt with my last relationship and want to see if someone better is out there for me.
I know he is not seeing anyone else and wants to get married and have children, but there is still a part of me that needs freedom. I do want to have children and a family and I would never want to bring them up in a household with an open marriage, but I find it near impossible to get everything I need from just one person.
When I was 21 years old I had three guys I was seeing and it was the greatest time in my life. I feel like I'm constantly battling what I have been told is right (marriage, monogamy, and children) vs. the need to meet and be excited by more than one person. Is this a phase I will grow out of? Will I eventually get to a point where one man is enough? Thanks, signed - slutty mcslut slut
Dear slutty mcslut slut,
I suggest you stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You are only 25 years old and still very young. There is no reason to rush into a serious relationship with only one person now, unless you are deeply in love - which you clearly are not.
I can remember being away at college and having three boyfriends at the same time and it was the greatest time in my life as well. However, I kept the relationships light and fun and most importantly, didn't sleep with them. When you add sex into a relationship, it usually changes into a casual thing into a relationship.
It sounds like you have a relationship with your boyfriend and if he was the right one for you, you wouldn't feel the need to see what else is out there. It sounds to me that you shouldn't be in this relationship and should just be dating around until you find someone that you would want to be monogamous with.
I think when you find that right guy, you won't be worrying about the things you are worrying about now. My advice is to start looking for that right guy, especially before you start thinking of marriage and having kids with the wrong person. Good luck and I hope in time that you find Mr. Right. - MTN
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