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The 2012 Irish Central Alternate MLB All-Stars

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Not long now until the MLB All-Star game, under a week to be exact, and up to now baseball fans everywhere have been talking about the guys that made it, and some deserving guys that didn't. Well, how about the absolutely un-deserving guys, what about those folk who won't be at the All-Star game and yet have 'preformed' at such a deviant level (deviant from the norm) that some sort of celebration should be held in their honour. What about the alternate All-Stars?

There are some truly legendary (legendarily awful) seasons being executed on the diamond this season, and these staggeringly bad numbers need to be at least taken note of.

It all starts with the guy hunched down behind the plate, and the Irish Central alternate all-stars have Oakland's Kurt Suzuki flashing signs as catcher and, well, not doing much else at all, actually. His pathetic .210 batting average is painful to see even in statistical representation, let alone in the field of play. He has been to the plate 229 times and has yet to lose a ball in the stands. Zero home runs. Pathetic.

Plus, this happened to him.



Patrolling the first base bag is The Tampa Bay Devil Rays Carlos Pena, who has the fifth most at bats in MLB in 2012 and in those has managed to compile a head scratchingly terrible .197 batting average. Pena struck out getting out of bed this morning, and has now done so 103 times so far this season. Justin Verlander salivates when he sees this human whiffing machine step to the plate.

At second base we have Rickie Weeks. They have basically taken the description under 'Light hitting second baseman' out of the baseball dictionary and replaced it with a grinning picture of Rickie Weeks. Your grandfather would probably get more wood on the ball than Weeks. His ugly .194 batting average is bad enough, but 96 strikeouts? Oh boy.

Swinging and missing and playing third base is the O-Dog, Orlando Hudson. His colourful nickname used to be a term of endearment, but is rapidly turning into a vicious slur as Hudson swings and misses his way merrily through 2012. He has only managed to reach base at a .255 clip, which would be a horrible batting average, but he has that covered also with a nasty .197 average that Carlos Pena could even laugh at.

At short stop is the very Irish sounding Brendan Ryan, however the current Irish national team captain and short stop, Darran O'Connor, could probably manage better numbers than the Seattle 'slugger'. Ryan is sporting a .182 average and has managed 2 long balls in 214 at bats. Nasty.

Three boys in the outfield who fully deserve their place on the alternate all stars. He may have a great name for baseball, a big reputation and a disarming smile, but Cameron Maybin's .210 average is disgustingly bad. 4 home runs in 271 at bats? Don't call me, Maybin. Seattle's Chone Figgins used to be a big star. Now he is batting .186 with a lightweight .245 on base percentage and has 'managed' 2 home runs in 145 at bats. Finally, old friend Johnny Damon should maybe start considering other options, if his .201 average is anything to go by.




Finally, and we take great pleasure in this one, the designated 'hitter' spot goes to Luke Scott of the Orioles. Couldn't happen to a bigger *******. One of the least likeable players in all of baseball, Scott stinks at the plate too. Scott is a famous advocate for gun usage. Thankfully, if he did draw a piece on you, he would probably miss. He is batting .201 and has managed only 12 walks while swinging and missing 43 times.


Plus, he looks like a moron.



So there they are, the 2012 Irish Central 'Alternate All-Stars'. Wouldn't it be great to get to see these guys play as a team?

And of course in this situation by 'great' we mean, absolutely awful.



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The 2012 Irish Central 'Alternate All-Stars in detail


Position: DH
Player: Luke Scott - Baltimore
'Highlights' .201 BA, 43 K and only 12 BB in 194 AB

Position: Catcher
Player: Kurt Suzuki - Oakland As
'Highlights' .210 BA, .247 OBP, 0 HR in 229 ABs

Position: First base
Player: Carlos Pena - Tampa Bay Devil Rays
'Highlights' .197 BA, 103 Ks in a whopping 284 ABs (5th most for 1B in MLB)

Position: Second base
Player: Rickie Weeks - Milwaukee Brewers
'Highlights' .194 BA, 96ks, 54 hits least among all qualifying MLB 2B, 278 AB is in top 20 of all MLB

Position: Third base
Player: Orlando Hudson - San Diego
'Highlights' .197 BA, .255 OBP, only 17 BB in 218 AB

Position: Shortstop
Player: Brendan Ryan - seattle
'Highlights' .182 BA, .285 OBP, 2 HR in 214 AB

Position: OF
Player: Cameron Maybin - San Diego
'Highlights' .210 BA, 4 HR in 271 AB

Position: OF
Player: Chone Figgins - Seattle
'Highlights' .186 BA, .245 OBP, 12 BB and 2 HR only in 145 AB

Position: OF
Player: Johnny Damon - Cleveland
'Highlights' .201 BA, only 2 SB, 16 BB and 19 R in 149 AB

Position: OF
Player: Marlon Byrd - Boston\Chicago
'Highlights' .210 BA, 31 K, 0 SB and 3 CS, 1 HR in 143 AB

Position: DH
Player: Luke Scott - Baltimore
'Highlights' .201 BA, 43 K and only 12 BB in 194 AB

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