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Hideki Matsui signs for the Tampa Bay Rays and watches a lot of porn.

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Two-time All-Star and MVP of the 2009 World Series Hideki Matsui  is now a  part of the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays' organization. Matsui signed a minor league deal with the (Devil) Rays and will join the organization's extended spring program Wednesday in Port Charlotte. Matsui, who turns 38 in June, hit .285 with 173 home runs, 753 RBIs and 248 doubles in nine big league seasons, seven with the New York Yankees. The home runs and RBIs are the most by a Japanese player in major league history.

Right, enough with the pleasantries. Whilst this is a nice little MLB story, and we all hope Hideki makes it up to the ‘bigs’ and loses a few baseballs in the cavernous, largely empty stands in Tampa, much bigger related news is afoot.

In the latest issue of GQ, the following quote was attributed to Matsui.




That’s right. Hideki Matsui owns 55,000 adult movies.

A couple of quick fire and (as much as possible) PG thoughts on this alarming disclosure. First things first, as those noisy NFL Sunday guys say, C’Mon man! 55,000?! Is this like one of your buddies saying, ‘Dude, I had like, 75 Tacos last night’. We all know he did not have 75 Tacos last night, but he probably had more than usual. So whilst 55,000 is probably an exaggeration, it is safe to say that Hideki Matsui might own more adult movies than, you know, most people.

Secondly, has Matsui or his accountant ever heard of the Internet? Rumour has it there might be a few adult movies on that. How has anybody who cares about Matsui’s finances not tipped him off to this? ‘Eh, Hideki, nice collection and all, but, have you ever heard of the Internet? I think we can really save some extra walking around money with just a smidgen of online research on your part’.

Third, who gives out adult movies as gifts?! How profanely awkward is that? ‘Hey so, I picked this out for you, it has some boobs in it, I thought you might like it’. So many questions. Does the adult movie selected for you say something about what the person giving you the gift thinks of you?

You know what, let’s stop right there. Too dangerous. Let us all just agree that it is great to see Hideki Matsui swinging his bat again, and the fact is, whilst there is really no logistical way (I mean, where do you store 55,000 adult movies?!) he actually owns 55,000 adult movies, there is no doubt he probably owns more than 'most'.

And let's just leave it right there!




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