It's a hard knocks life for a teacher in Ireland.
Here are just some of the reasons why:
1. You have to change your Facebook name
Back to front, minus a couple of letters or changing it into Irish. Teachers have to go to amazing lengths to hide themselves from students these days.
2. You get asked 'Will this be on the Leavin?' at least twice a day
'No I'm just teaching you it for the craic!'
3. You've more than one class year in your room
Start a new job in a small rural primary school only to discover that you've got second, third and half of fourth class to teach for the year!
4. This is an essential tool
It must be laminated! Everything MUST be laminated!
5. You'll catch someone 'uptown' when they shouldn't be
You're quietly nipping out to your car when off in the distance you suddenly see a few lads crawling up the road on their way to hide out for the day in the town.
Oh the effort to have to chase after them!
6. You will be called Mammy at least once
'Mammy can I....Awwww shite!'
7. Nothing will ever be as tough as the Irish exams in college
'Why must they punish us so?!'
8. Apart from having to teach maths
Jays these sums will catch me out some day!
9. You'll have shifted at least one of your students' older brother or sister
This one applies to secondary school teachers more so. Nothing as awkward as arriving in to teach a class only to find the brat of little sibling of a former 'acquaintance' staring up at you.
10. No one else will quite understand the bedlam of preparing a class for First Holy Communion
'No the communion wafer does not taste like raspberry ice-cream. I don't care what your brother says!'
11. You give out random tests when you've been out the night before and can't be bothered to teach
There are just some days where you can't handle trying to draw up a lesson plan.
12. You know what 'circle time' means
KIDS IN A CIRCLE Image: Joe Shlabotnik https://twitter.com/AoifeReilly91 13. You dread the Cuntas Míosúil
Every frickin' month! It's like having to write 'What I did on my summer holidays' except there's been no trip to the beach and no feckin' holiday!
14. A metre stick is now called a 'counting' stick
It's for counting NOT hitting!
15. Smart alecks swapped names when you came into a class as a substitute teacher
16. You're constantly getting abuse from others about all the holidays you get
'Three months a year! Not to mention Easter, Christmas, mid-terms and finishing at 3pm every day!' 'And all on taxpayer's cash!'
17. You've had your tea spiked
There will come a day when you'll never trust fifth class to make you tea again.
18. Sometimes you hide under your desk because of a demon known as 'The Cigire'
Why can't the inspector be more like Inspector Gadget!? Or Inspector Space Time!? That'd be something to look forward to.
19. You remember what an inkwell desk was but your students don't
God be with the days.
20. Your nights out are funded by money from giving grinds