It is the rare individual who goes to a feis or major competition and does not hope to win. ‘Hope springs eternal’ even when the dancer him/herself knows placing is a stretch. Sometimes we parents also envision scenarios that might contribute to a win THIS time – perhaps this judge values my dancer’s style over technique or that adjudicator was watching another dancer when mine forgot half the step.
A single focus on placing and winning can be a recipe for disaster. The dancer forgets about the fun and camaraderie associated with Irish dance and only thinks of the trophy or moving up to the next level. Unfortunately, today there are fewer opportunities for the simple joy of performing or to participate in a cultural center’s ceili dance or sessíun. Thus, a majority of Irish dance schools encourage solo competition as skills develop. The very nature of competition calls for a focus on placing and winning.
Realistic goal setting almost always results in greater feelings of personal success. If asked “What do you want from this feis?”, most competitive dancers will answer “To win.” And almost none associate competition with the intrinsic rewards of dancing. All too often, dancers end up with an ‘all or nothing’ approach and consider all to be lost if they do not place.
Every year after the regional championships (“Oireachtas”), there seem to be a number of dancers who drop out. On the surface it may seem that this one single event is powerful enough to make or break a competitive dancer. But dig a little deeper and we see that critical thinking errors were in place far before this competition that set the stage for that dancer’s definition of ‘failure’. There are ways to avoid this “all or nothing” approach, which will naturally lead to more success, happiness and joy from this athletic cultural pastime.
As parents, we instinctively want to protect our children from feeling disappointment. One mom, Kelley, confided in me as we waited anxiously between rounds, our programs and pens at the ready while our dancers optimistically changed into hard shoes and refreshed makeup.
“I feel sick to my stomach!” she whispered. “Your daughter is a lovely dancer,” I replied, recollecting her elegant reel round.
“No, not just for her!” she went on, “I’m sick for all of these dancers and their parents. They have all worked so hard and the investment in time, energy and resources is enormous. How can it be decided after just six minutes of dancing whether they are good enough?”
Kelley was referring to the point in a major competition when all becomes unbearably quiet and the stage manager announces the dancers who have placed high enough in the first two rounds to dance a third round. Every one of those recalled has earned a place on stage at awards; a small percentage will qualify for Nationals, and only a handful will qualify for Worlds. But the fact is that at the time of the recall announcement, fifty percent of the competitors are eliminated and they and their families respond in different ways.
We all agree that accepting the outcome is part and parcel to competition; sadly not everyone is able to exert self-control in the face of adrenaline and save tears for a private moment. Worse than the emotional display are the parents who jeer, defaming those whose best efforts earned them the right to dance a third round. Remember the study of the toddlers who walked clear ‘off the edge’ of a wall when their smiling parent was at the other end? It’s not kiddie campus anymore, but the idea holds. Your smile, your kind words and yes, YOU turning to the parent of a recalled dancer to offer your best wishes and sincere congratulations are as important to your child’s self-esteem as that which instilled those unknowing toddlers to walk ‘off’ that wall.
How many of us have joked that we would love to go to Worlds? This places inherent pressure on the children even when the comment is said in jest. We adults must keep it in perspective as well, especially when Auntie Moira visits and asks, “Did s/he win?” It doesn’t help that the grade levels are ‘all about’ getting the first placements to move up. Nearly every champion dancer remembers the shock of going home with nothing after years of first, second and third place medals on colorful ribbons.