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Maybe this year you should stay home. Photo by: Photocall Ireland

Top ten reasons to fear St. Patrick’s Day

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Maybe this year you should stay home. Photo by: Photocall Ireland

It’s coming! But America’s biggest Irish day can also be a nightmare. Some things that might happen to you if you don’t stay home.

 

1. You could be trampled by a big green walking machine. Watch out when that parade starts, you could be bowled over.

 It could be funny, or

 It could be cute and funny, just don't let it happen to you! 

2. Unable to differentiate which little green men are the aliens because everybody is a little green and you get transported to Planet Zog.

I mean it could be worse. 

 

3.You get job as sanitation worker cleaning up after police horses in parade.

Sure, it’ll be easy they said, it won’t be gross at all! Sure!

 

4. You dress up as Saint Patrick but get mugged as the muggers think you’re a helpless old guy.

Chances are you'll just look like an utter eejit. 

 

5. You are featured on evening news as example of person who had too much to drink.

even though you totally werent.

 

6. You miss your train home to Long Island and you sleep under expressway overpass.

 

or you could pull a James Bond and board late.

 

7. Your girlfriend leaves you for a piper in a kilt after she discovers what’s under it.

 

 

Once you've seen what the kilt keeps there's no looking back.

8. You confess you don’t like “The Quiet Man” and are beaten up by everyone in the NYPD including the commissioner.

Just another instance of Police Brutality that will be swept under the rug.

 

9. You finally trace your Irish roots and discover your great granddad drowned in a brewery.

Well, he went out doing what he loved.

10. You call in sick on parade day, but your boss discovers you on TV streaking down Fifth Avenue butt naked.

If you do leave the house remember to have fun, but most importantly, be smart, be safe, and if you drink, please drink responsibly!

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