As many Americans may have figured out, the Irish accent can sometimes be a difficult one to comprehend. Abbreviating (and bludgeoning) words coupled with an almost superhumanly rapid rate of speech has left a lot of heads spinning over the years.
This is why an Irish hex may be the most sinister hex of all. A curse is bad enough when you know what you’re dealing with but imagine not being able to understand the wicked sorcery that is about to come down upon your head. Here are the top ten Irish curses to look out for.
Not surprisingly they mostly revolve around hell, beer and marriage but they are deadly nonetheless.
Here’s our pick of some top ancient Irish curses:
1. “May you all go to hell and not have a drop of porter to quench your eternal thirst”
For some Irish people, no porter is hell so the two are eternally linked!
2. “May the devil cut the head off you and make a day’s work of your neck”
There must be a recession in hell too if the devil can spend all day on one poor soul’s neck.
3. “May you die without a priest in a town with no clergy”
Again damning you to hell. I’m noticing a pattern here.
4. “May your obituary be written in weasel’s piss”
Nobody likes being around weasels. The Irish once again go one step further to leave your memory sake permanently dripping in the unlikeable critter’s urine.
Read more: The top ten Irish insults
5. “May the cat eat you and may the divil eat the cat”
The Irish sorcerer's are thinking ahead again as they wish you to get eaten not once but twice. And after all that you still end up in hell.
6. “May you find the bees but not the honey”
Quite a poetic way to wish a lot of undeserved pain on somebody.
7. “May you be afflicted with the itch but have no nails to scratch with”
Again, this doesn’t sound too bad but we’ve all had an itchy nose during a haircut. Imagine living with that for the rest of your life!
8. “May you marry in haste and repent at leisure”
A lot of people have been afflicted by this curse already I think.
9. “May you get the runs on your wedding night”
Your wedding night is supposed to be the happiest night of your life. Nobody has ever had a good night with diarrhea.
10. “May you marry a wench that blows wind like a stone from a sling”
I think all red- blooded males would pick the first 9 curses over this one!
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.IrelandNorth | Oct 01, 2012, 08:00 AM EDT
Whatever about obituaries being written in weasel's piss? A proposed #11 for above list from an Ulster-Scot perspective could be: "May your covenant be signed in the blood of your chief gun runner!"
IrelandNorth | Oct 01, 2012, 07:51 AM EDT
#3 above could be a plus in light of clerical child sexual abuse scandals of recent times. #10 is obviously a caption for the photograph. WOuldn't like to meet her on a dark night on a boreen (botharín/small country lane). Definition of a bachelor: A man who never makes the same mistake once!
modochartaigh | Oct 01, 2012, 02:23 AM EDT
How about an historical curse that actually worked? Tighearnán Ua Ruairc's curse on Diarmait na nGall: "May your daughter marry the devil and may their progeny bring a great nation to ruin." Part of it took a few hundred years to work, but all good curses take time.
leahy15 | Sep 30, 2012, 04:50 PM EDT
never heard of them.....Not that funny either (if they are supposed to be !!!!!!!)
mreinhar2001 | Sep 30, 2012, 10:01 AM EDT
Cute! I, also, noticed the "AdChoice" at the bottom of the page that I see says, "Magic Spells That Work." Hmmmmm......
GregShox | Sep 29, 2012, 09:02 PM EDT
Niall, if you need to lecture your readers like that, you're losing. Why not admit the article is a piece of artificial nonsense and let it pass on?
plstg67 | Sep 29, 2012, 06:46 PM EDT
Are you kidding me with these "curses".They're jokes,not as scary as say the Italians & their curses.
EamonnDublin | Sep 29, 2012, 06:37 PM EDT
Yes, Niall, but this article has neither. Have you yourself become like all of our Irish politicians: never bend an ear to what your audience is telling you? That, me dear Niall, is called CONTEMPT. And the relevant article is pure RUBBISH. Éamonn, Dublin.
Niall O'Dowd | Sep 29, 2012, 06:09 PM EDT
Anyone ever hear of a sense of humor or a bit of fun?
Happyhippo | Sep 29, 2012, 05:43 PM EDT
Mr Brosnan this is a ball hop,right, may your obituary be written in weasel piss,that's assuming there are some in the locality,right, may you get the runs on your wedding night,that might not be that unusual with the amount of alcohol consumed,if i told the person to be hexed they would most likely die laughing.
connemaragirl | Sep 29, 2012, 04:40 PM EDT
Well Sean Brosnan,I grew up in Ireland and never ever have I heard these sayings,I think you some one was pulling your leg,
beodonne | Sep 29, 2012, 04:25 PM EDT
I also grew up in Ireland and never heard one of these!!
GregShox | Sep 29, 2012, 03:51 PM EDT
"May the road rise to meet you" is an idiotic literal translation of "Go n-eirí do bhóthar leat" which means "May your journey go well", or even, "May you be successful" But of course, some people prefer Paddywhackery. "May you be successful" doesn't look so good printed on a mug from the Auld Sod.
Seanmor | Sep 29, 2012, 03:26 PM EDT
I spent 17½ of my first 18 years in Ireland and I never heard anyone ever mention any one of the above curses, nor did anyone ever hera ayyone use such phrases as "The top of the morning to you", "May the road rise to meet you" "be gob, be gorragh, or be japers". Such idiotic expressions are purely figments of someone's silly imagination.
popeye1250 | Sep 29, 2012, 03:12 PM EDT
The poor U.S., they're already cursed with that Obama!
EamonnDublin | Sep 29, 2012, 03:06 PM EDT
Traditional American Curse: "May you stick your head out the roof of the train when you are passing under a bridge and may your head be knocked off". My own made up stupid rubbish? Yes, just like the rubbish ten "Irish curses" in this stupid article. What a load on old baloney! Éamonn, Dublin, Ireland.
butlerreport | Sep 29, 2012, 02:37 PM EDT
What an immature nation.
K C Flanagan | Sep 29, 2012, 02:33 PM EDT
Never heard of any of them either,and I am from Ireland.
bobby | Sep 29, 2012, 01:05 PM EDT
ridiculous, never heard of any of them.
OmahaSeamus | Sep 29, 2012, 01:01 PM EDT
NELL FLAHERTY'S DRAKE, excerpt May his spade never dig, may his sow never pig May each hair in his wig be well trashed with the flail My his door never latch, may his roof have no thatch May his turkeys not hatch, may the rats eat his meal May every old fairy from Cork to Dun Laoghaire Dip him snug and airy in river or lake That the eel and the trout they may dine on the snout Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's drake May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt May a ghost ever haunt him the dead of the night May his hens never lay, may his horse never neigh May his coat fly away like an old paper kite That the flies and the fleas may the wretch ever tease May the piercin' March breeze make him shiver and shake May a lump of the stick raise the bumps fast and quick On the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's drake
EamonnDublin | Sep 29, 2012, 01:01 PM EDT
This is not a curse - just a word of reality (with kudos to Pamela Geller): "In any war between the civilized man and the savage, always support the civilized man". Ms. Geller's very obviously good and proper advice will very soon become advice which will have to be followed, or the world as we know it is doomed. Éamonn, Dublin, Ireland.
GregShox | Sep 29, 2012, 12:50 PM EDT
None of these are Irish curses. Number 8 was coined by William Congreve, 18th-century English playwright. You Googled the rest of them or else you made them up. Thanks a lot.
johhnyb | Sep 29, 2012, 11:45 AM EDT
These 'Irish curses' show a total disconnect from any knowledge of Ireland. Is there any Irish person reading this who has heard even one of them? It would make me wonder about the rest of your reporting if I wasn't wondering already.
markday | Sep 29, 2012, 11:23 AM EDT
I hope the docents at this museum will be clued in on the politics of the British parliament at the time of the famine, and how "free trade" trumped human need, leving hundreds of thousands dead that could have been saved. When I called that to the attention of the docents at the famine museum in Skibereen, they gave me a blank stare and said "we'll look in to it." Meanwhile they had a video narrated by Jedremy Irons (who lives on an island nearby) mentioning the horrors of the potato blight, but nothing about the oppressive politics of the time. I found that shocking.
markday | Sep 29, 2012, 11:03 AM EDT
How about "Bad cess to you," as in bad luck to you. Cess is an old English word for a type of tax, such as a land tax. I remember the old people in Ireland using the term. And there's "May the curse of the crows be upon you," or the more complete expression "May the curse of the crows fall down on your head."