Top Irish slang terms to crack you up

"not worth a tinker's piss!" was an old one.. "look like a Liz Tish" meaning a cheap actress which was the equivelant of a whore! "it's teaming out there" - veritable downpour! raining like cats & dogs.

You forgot: "I'm knackered". meaning very tired.

My father had a favorite one: An Irish woman went to Dublin to visit the plastic surgeon. The surgeon told her, "Sure if I hit you in the face with a sledge hammer it would be an improvement." Mind you, the same joke could apply to some men, myself included.

I had no idea there were so many slang words for drunk in Irish until I became friends with a Dubliner. Some I already knew, but didn't realize they had Irish origins. My aunt (McEldowney) had a few choice ones that always cracked me up when I was a kid, including "her face twud sour milk" and many others. My uncles were a little too colorful for young ears, and she always shushed him, but we heard enuff to know what he was saying!!!!

Funny phrases I've heard: *(male perspective)"I'm so horny that the crack of dawn looks good!" (self explanatory) * "Colder'n a witch's tit in a brass bra doing push ups on the shady side of an iceberg" (similarly self-explanatory) * (Heard throughout my childhood) "Have the sense God gave geese!" * "I've looked all over hell's half acre" * "Useless as tits on a boar" Colorful expressions are an art form if executed properly. I usually feel that my day has been used well if I have made someone laugh.

Funny,Molly, - but not really 'slang' terms - Allow me: "She's a face 'twud sour milk!" (She's very ugly)" / " Yer suckin' Diesel now' really means: 'now you finally understand / now you get the idea/ at last, the penny's dropped!/ you've grasped the concept! / "He'd get up on a cracked plate"- means he is so horny and highly charged sexually that anything even slightly resembling a female reproductive organ would be acceptable to him. The Female equivalent is " She's such a hoo-wer, (whore) she'd get up on a stiff breeze!"/ "Sound as a Pound" also means a person or object is safe and trustworthy. / "It's a grand soft day" ( La bog ishea e - Pron: Laaw bug ish-a eh. - 'It's a (nice) soft day.' A nice warm misty day'. / "Couldn't hit a Cows arse with a Banjo" means the person is totally useless. / similar to " he's about as useful as the popes bollocks!" / / / I hope you don't mind the bit of 'tweaking' Molly but Irish humour must be taken more seriously! - after all if it wasn't for the Irish, the world would have very little to laugh about! Slainte!

My Irish-American mother said you're dead if you don't have a sense of humor. Also, look to see if the person's EYES are smiling (not just the mouth).

'Sure his arms are short and his pockets deep' (A man mean with money, or a man who ducks his round at the bar)

'He's a long drink of water' (a man with nothing to recommend him)

If you can't laugh at yourself...well you're screwed. I'm Irish and I've heard of loads of them. Lighten up for goodness sake.

No wonder the world laughs at us. What the Irish regard as cute, the world regards as immaturity.

stupidity like none other

I'm from Dublin and I've heard a good few of them and used them myself.

Have to say that Im Irish and I have never heard some of these ones before (thats not to say they are not Irish because they do sound very Irish) He'd get up on a cracked plate........... lolocaust

CORRECTION A grand soft day means that there is a very fine or gentle mist not that the weather is terrible