The best and worst Irish jokes for St. Patrick's Day

The Irish are known for their wit and sense of humor but probably not for these jokes

Larger Text

Print

E-mail

3 Comments

Have a laugh this St. Patrick's Day

Photo by H-W Phot

Tweet

The Irishman , just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bullshittin' me!'

The social worker said, ' Yeah, well . . You started it.

Texan Farmer

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.

The Texan says : "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other."
The Kerry farmer says: "Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too."

A System

Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'

Job interview

While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:
'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Pat.

'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had 'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.

Baby on Board

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You shouldn't take that. You tell him off, go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey."

Bridge Delivery

Paddy Was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , 'A shure I'll give it a go, he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it.

Paddy sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Paddy then opened, 'what do you think you are doing? asked the policeman in a sharp tone, 'Sure I'm having me tea break, replied Paddy, 'And what do you work at? asked the policeman, 'Agh shure I deliver bridges,! smiled
Paddy!

Question

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

Print

E-mail

Tweet