The best and worst Irish jokes for St. Patrick's Day

The Irish are known for their wit and sense of humor but probably not for these jokes

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Have a laugh this St. Patrick's Day

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There is nothing the Irish like more than sitting around a cup of tea, or a pint, and telling stories or a good joke. The Irish sense of humor and wit is renowned around the world and here's our pick of the best, or maybe worst depending on how you look at it, of Irish jokes for this St. Patrick's Day.

If you've any Irish jokes let us know below.

St. Patrick’s Day Engagement

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.

'I gave you a sham rock.'

What is an Irishman?

An Irishman is a man who...

May not believe there is a God, but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...

Has great respect for the truth, he uses in emergencies...

Sees things not as they are but the way they never will be.....

Cries at sad movies, but cheers in battle....

Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....

Believes in civil rights, but not in his neighborhood...

Believes to forgive is divine, therefore doesn't exercise it himself....

Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so inconvenient for his neighbors....

Scorns money, but worships those who have it...

Considers any Irishman who achieves success to be a traitor...

Learn a foreign language

A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub when he saw two youths walking by so he stopped and asked them, 'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?'

The two lads looked at each other blankly and then stared back at him.

'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français ?' he tries.

The two continue to stare.

'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss guy walks off, disappointed.  One of the boys turned to the second and said, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!'

'Why?' says the other youth, 'That guy knew four languages, and look what good it did him!'

Social Welfare

A Irishman walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2009 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. The daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive.

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