1. The weather
Nobody misses the weather! Damp, drizzly, and depressing, the Irish weather would break your heart. As for trying to get clothes dry ... sure as soon as you put them out on the line you're guaranteed it'll be pouring within the hour.
2. Talking about the weather
We constantly feel the need to tell the person next to us what the weather's like. Plus we do nothing but give out and then when it is sunny, we still complain, saying 'Well as long as it's not the only summer we get.'
3. Dodging mass
For many people Sunday mornings are when we're at our most tactful. Strange illnesses befall us, we gain a sudden capacity to 'sleep' until the afternoon, or 'urgent' errands need to be run.
From the standard to the innovative, many the excuse has been used to not have to go to mass. But when we're abroad there's the peacefulness of not having Mammy kicking our hungover head out of the bed.
It's always packed, it's expensive, you lose everyone, and it leaves you broke and tired for about a week until; ironically, you end up in Coppers again. It's a vicious cycle.
'Ah sure the country's bollixed'... We just can't allow ourselves be happy. If it's not one thing it's another. Why does everyone respond to 'How are you?' with 'I'm not too bad'? No one ever feels great, or even good for that matter.
6. Living on a island
It costs a bomb to ship anything into or out of Ireland, you can't drive out of the country, the rest of Europe forgets about us, and we're constantly being eroded until eventually one day there'll be no Ireland left!
7. The smell of slurry
Once you smell it, you never forget it.
8. Having the budget right before Christmas
What other country in their right mind would have the budget just before the most expensive time of the year? The last thing I need when I'm trying to find my mother a different set of scented candles than I bought her last year, is to be told that another chunk is being taken out of my already tax-drained wages!
9. Soft days
Those days when it's just plain miserable. The sideways mizzle that you can't escape, no matter how big your umbrella is.
10. Slow internet
We still haven't got the best wifi back home. It's 2014 for the love of God!
11. People who can't drive on roundabouts
Cows going out on a gap are more organised than cars at roundabouts in Ireland. The inside lane is the home only to the most adventurous of drivers, and indicators are a luxury many decide to do without. The French circumnavigate the Arc de Triumph on a daily basis, but rush hour at the Red Cow roundabout is utter bedlam.
12. Bank Debt
Ireland debt is now €137 billion, and counting.
We can't just be happy for anyone. Whether it's our next-door neighbour getting a new car, or the lad down the road winning money in the lotto when they hadn't a bit of need for it.
14. Kilkenny winning everything
Speaking of begrudgery: wouldn't it be great for a change if someone else won the All-Ireland hurling title?
15. The price of stuff
They say you can buy a vodka and dash for a pound in the UK ... A pound!
The prices of the following items in Ireland need to addressed: Drink, food, cinema tickets, tickets to music gigs, cars, rent, medicine, visits to the doctor, taxis, the bus, gadgets, laptops, iPhones, magazines, newspapers, coffee, Pringles, grapes, cereal, fake priest collars, fancy dress costumes in general, Christmas trees, insurance, car tax, razor blades, and dog food.
16. The Angelus
I don't know anyone that stops collecting eggs in their chicken coup and looks vaguely into the distance when the Angelus comes on. Do you?
17. Neighbours gossiping
This is most relevant to those living in the country. The parish knows what you ate for your breakfast. They know when you haven't been to mass, what you were up to Saturday night, and whether or not you drove down the road yesterday. People in the city can never fully appreciate the fact that your neighbours probably don't know you from Adam.
'Hi there, do you have a minute to chat about Concern?' No I do not.
19. Getting stuck behind tractors
It's not even the fact that they're tractors – it's the fact that they're 30-year-old tractors; with no windows or doors on the cab, with an empty bag of meal tied up as a wind breaker where the back window used to be, and they're been driven by a middle-aged man who spends the entire time looking into far away fields, while more and more fertiliser falls out of their spreader after every bump they hit.
20. The country shutting down whenever it snows
It's funny how we spend so much time talking about it, yet when we actually get some newsworthy weather, we're completely unprepared to deal with it. Especially when it snows, as we've unfortunately found out over the last few years. I for one truly hope that the councils have learnt their lesson, won't run out of salt again this year. The last thing we want is a repeat of this:
21. The country shutting down on Good Friday
OK the country shutting down when it snows is slightly understandable, but there's no excuse for places closing on a Good Friday. If people don't want to eat meat or drink alcohol that's fair enough, but what about everyone else in the country?
22. Dole queues
They're a horrible, horrible place.
23. The nitelink
Board the bus at your peril. A place where drunken vandals, philosophers, and Casanovas alike meet so that they can get sick all over you.
24. Dublin clampers
They clamped a car that was blocking the A&E at the Mater hospital once. Can anyone explain how that makes the slightest bit of sense?
The bane of so many youngsters' lives. They get you when you least expect it. Whether it's when you're delving in after a stray ball, running through fields, playing hide'n'seek, or chasing your dog, the shock is almost as bad as the sting.
Sure, other countries are full of animals and plants that will actually kill you, but at least you won't be running around the place looking for a dock leaf every week.
Read 25 ways you know you were brought up in the Irish countryside here.
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